The Glimmer Man (1996)

Keenen Ivory Wayans: Det. Jim Campbell

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jack Cole : It's called a mala. Tibetan pray beads.

  Jim Campbell : What do you use 'em for?

  Jack Cole : I use 'em to calm my mind and to purify my thoughts.

  Jim Campbell : Yeah, I use Jack Daniels!

  Jack Cole : See now, we're trying to go to same place. We're just using different technique.

  Jim Campbell : Except I don't wear the bottle around my neck!

  Jack Cole : That's because you'd lose your job if you did...

• Donald Cunningham : [picks up the phone]  Yeah.

  [Cole and Deverell's conversation is played on a tape] 

  Jim Campbell : Sounds like your ass just got sold down the river, shit-head!

• Jim Campbell : Have you seen Casablanca?

  Jack Cole : You're asking me, have I seen Casablanca?

  Jim Campbell : Have you?

  Jack Cole : A guy like me, not seen Casablanca?

  Jim Campbell : Well have you?

  Jack Cole : No.

• Mr. Smith : He's selling it to a bunch of Serbian freedom fighters.

  Jim Campbell : You mean terrorists.

  Mr. Smith : Semantics. You say tomato...

  Jim Campbell : No, motherfucker, I didn't say tomato, I said terrorists.

• Jack Cole : [regarding a dead Russian woman]  What else do you see?

  Jim Campbell : She's got nice tits.

  Jack Cole : Exactly. But I think a little *too* nice.

  [takes a scalpel and cuts open the woman's breast, removing a gel-filled implant with a serial number on it] 

  Jack Cole : Okay, partner. Run this number.

• Jack Cole : Once and a while you should cry because it cleanses the soul and you can use a little bit of that.

  Jim Campbell : If I need a cleansing, I'll have a bran muffin.

• Jim Campbell : Look, why don't we just get you some red boots and a cape, so you can fly around the city and stop ALL the crime!

• Jim Campbell : What would cause something like that?

  Coroner : What am I? The Amazing Randi? We have tests to run. It will take time.

• Jack Cole : Do you speak Russian?

  Jim Campbell : A little bit.

  [Campbell starts banging the suspect's head to the trunk of the car] 

  Jim Campbell : Answer, god damn mother fucker! Or I'll beat the shit out of your dumb ass!

  Jack Cole : You speak good Russian!

  Jim Campbell : Yes, black Russian!

• Jack Cole : [Campbell is shot through a window but catches the ledge on his way down. Cole brings him a rope from the roof]  Hang on, Jim!

  Jim Campbell : Good idea, Jack! I wouldn't have thought of that!

  [Cole grabs him and they crash through an old lady's window] 

  Jim Campbell : Police business, ma'am. The elevator was broken.

• Mr. Smith : [Cole has deftly shot and wounded Smith, while trying to obtain information that can clear Jack of several recent murders]  You're a fucking' psycho! Campbell, *you're* still a cop! Aren't you going to help?

  Jim Campbell : Okay...

  [pulls a gun on Smith] 

  Jim Campbell : But I'm a really bad shot.

  [Cole stops him] 

  Jim Campbell : Just trying to help you, Jack.

• [Two kids with toy guns scare Campbell. Campbell draws on them] 

  Jim Campbell : FREEZE! Drop them now!

  [they comply] 

  Jim Campbell : Where the FUCK do you two live?

  Ghetto Kid : Around the corner.

  Jim Campbell : Then *get your ugly ass* around the corner and take little Whoopi Goldberg here with you!

  [kids run off] 

  Jim Campbell : Jesus Christ! Showdown on Sesame Street! Next thing Big Bird'll pop his ugly ass out one of these doors.

• Jim Campbell : You sell roaches? Damn, I'm in the wrong business! I could make money and never leave my apartment.

• Lt. Jack Cole : ...So, are you married?

  Det. Jim Campbell : There, right there, is what I hate about new partners: they always want to get personal. But, if you must know, I'm single. And the reason I'm single is because every cop I know who's married has a wife who won't sleep with him, kids who don't respect him, and a dog who'd rather lick himself than go fetch the newspaper.

  [the dispatcher calls in with a hostage situation at St. Edmund's Catholic School. Jack responds to the call] 

  Det. Jim Campbell : ... Hey, man! What are you doing?

  Lt. Jack Cole : We're in that area, aren't we? Look, St. Edmund's is right over here.

  Det. Jim Campbell : No, see, that's *suicide*. We're HOMICIDE. Some dumbass wants to jump off a bridge, it's his business. Some dumbass pushes another dumbass off that bridge, THEN it's our business.

  Lt. Jack Cole : The way I look at it, death is death. We gotta have compassion for the dead, the dying, the could-be-dying, and the about-to-be-dead.

  Det. Jim Campbell : ...All right. You win. We're there.

  [He kicks in the siren] 

• Jim Campbell : If you'll excuse me I have to get back to the nineties now.

• Det. Jim Campbell : [responding to a hostage situation @ St. Edmund's Catholic high school]  ... Man, you know this ain't our gig.

  Lt. Jack Cole : Why worry? It's just a lovesick kid here; he's not the first, he won't be the last.

  Det. Jim Campbell : Yeah, an *armed and dangerous* lovesick kid. Why do you think we've got SWAT?

  Lt. Jack Cole : Because they look good in black. See if you can beg or borrow a couple of cell-phones for me; I'll meet you there.

  [Inside a nearby classroom, Johnny holds his fellow students and their teacher at gunpoint] 

  Millie : ...Johnny! Johnny, please stop this. They're going to hurt you if...!

  Johnny Deverell : I'm *not* in the mood for this, Millie!

  Millie : Just put the gun down, Johnny! Stop this! Please, Johnny!

  Lt. Jack Cole : [over the school's PA system]  Johnny. This is Detective Jack Cole, LAPD. I'm not here to hurt you; I'm here to help you. I just gotta get in some kind of dialogue with you before SWAT gets here, because I don't want you to get hurt. So step over to the window, and you'll see that I'm unarmed.

  Johnny Deverell : Nobody move!

  [the young hostages cower beneath their desks] 

  Lt. Jack Cole : Just come on over to the window, so you can see me. That's it.

  [Johnny looks out the window but doesn't see anybody. Then Cole bursts in through the door, gun drawn] 

  Lt. Jack Cole : Sorry I had to do that, Johnny. Put the gun down. I don't wanna shoot you, and you don't wanna be dead.

  Johnny Deverell : Why not?

  Lt. Jack Cole : Come on, drop the gun! Or at least tell me what you want.

  Johnny Deverell : Don't talk like you know what makes me tick, man! You want me to start shooting?

  [He waves his gun at his classmates] 

  Lt. Jack Cole : You're right; I don't know you. So I'm gonna put my gun down...

  [He does] 

  Lt. Jack Cole : ... and we'll start out like this. Now, what's the problem?

  Johnny Deverell : You wouldn't understand, man.

  Lt. Jack Cole : Try me.

  Johnny Deverell : I just can't go back with them.

  Lt. Jack Cole : With who? Who can't you go back with?

  [as Johnny puts the gun to his own head, Cole catches him with a ramming tackle... which sends them both out one window and in through another] 

  Millie : I love you, Johnny!

  Johnny Deverell : [barely conscious]  I love you too, Millie.

  Lt. Jack Cole : [dazed]  And I love both of you.

  [to himself] 

  Lt. Jack Cole : Boy, this job is something else!