Hercules (1997)

Tate Donovan: Hercules

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Quotes 

• Hercules : Uh, so how'd you get stuck with the...

  Meg : Pinhead with hooves? Well, you know how men are. They think "No" means "Yes" and "Get lost" means "Take me, I'm yours."

  [Hercules doesn't understand] 

  Meg : Don't worry, maybe Shorty here can explain it to ya.

• Hercules : Aren't you... a damsel in distress?

  Meg : I'm a damsel, I'm in distress, I can handle this. Have a nice day.

• Hercules : Meg, when I'm with you, I-I don't feel so alone.

  Meg : Sometimes it's better to be alone.

  Hercules : What do you mean?

  Meg : Nobody can hurt you.

• Hercules : You know, wh-when I was a kid, I-I would have given anything to be exactly like everybody else.

  Meg : You wanted to be petty and dishonest?

  Hercules : Everybody's not like that.

  Meg : Yes, they are.

  Hercules : You're not like that.

  Meg : How do you know what I'm like?

• Hercules : Meg, why did you... You didn't have to...

  Meg : People do crazy things... when they're in love.

• Hercules : But, Father, I've defeated every single monster I've come up against. I-I'm... I'm the most famous person in all of Greece. I'm... I-I'm an action figure!

• Hercules : You like making deals. Take me in Meg's place.

  Hades : Hmm. The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death.

  Hercules : Going once...

  Hades : Is there a downside to this?

  Hercules : Going twice...

  Hades : Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. You get her out. She goes, you stay.

  [Hercules dives in to save Megara] 

  Hades : Oh, you know what slipped my mind? You'll be dead before you can get to her. That's not a problem, is it?

• Hercules : People are... are gonna get hurt, aren't they?

  Hades : Nah. I mean, it's, you know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, you know, it's war, but what can I tell ya. Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh?

• Hercules : Uh, uh, uh, I'm, um, uh, uh, uh...

  Meg : Are you always this articulate?

  Hercules : Hercules. My... my name is Hercules.

  Meg : Herc... huh. I think I prefer Wonder Boy.

• Meg : Think your nanny goat would go berserk if you played hooky this afternoon?

  Hercules : Oh gee, I don't know. Phil has the rest of the day pretty much booked.

  Meg : Aw, Phil, Schmil. Just follow me, out the window, round the dumbells, you lift up the back wall and we're gone.

• Phil : Listen to me! She's...

  Hercules : A dream come true?

  Phil : Not exactly.

  Hercules : More beautiful than Aphrodite?

  Phil : Aside from that!

  Hercules : The most wonderful...

  Phil : She's a fraud! She's been playing ya' for a sap!

  Hercules : Aw, come on. Stop kiddin' around.

  Phil : I'm not kiddin' around.

  Phil : I know your upset about today, but that's no reason to...

  Phil : Kid, you're missin' the point.

  Hercules : The point is I love her.

  Phil : She don't love you.

  Hercules : You're crazy.

  Phil : She's nothing but a two-timin'...

  Hercules : Stop it!

  Phil : No good, lyin', schemin'...

  Hercules : SHUT UP!

  [hits Phil] 

• Hercules : Pardon me. It seems to me that what you folks need is a hero.

  Tall Thebian : Yeah? And who are you?

  Hercules : I'm Hercules, and I happen to be... a hero.

  [All laugh] 

  Elderly Thebian : Is that so? Have you ever saved a town before?

  Hercules : Uh... no, not exactly. But...

  Tall Thebian : Have you ever reversed a natural disaster?

  Hercules : Well... no.

  Tall Thebian : Will you listen to this? He's just another chariot chaser. This we need.

• Meg : Hercules! Thank goodness.

  Hercules : Wha-Wha-What's wrong?

  Meg : Oh! Outside of town. Two little boys! Th-They were playing in the gorge! Th-There was this rock slide, a terrible rock slide! They're trapped!

  Hercules : Kids? Trapped? Phil, this is great!

  Meg : You're really choked up about this, aren't ya?

• Phil : Listen to me. I've seen 'em all, and I'm telling you - and this is the honest to Zeus truth - you got something I've never seen before.

  Hercules : Really?

  Phil : I feel it right down to these stubby bowlegs of mine. There is nothing you can't do, kid.

  [the door bursts open and a swarm of fan girls mobs Hercules] 

  Fan Girl #1 : There he is!

  Fan Girl #2 : I touched his elbow!

  Fan Girl #1 : I GOT HIS SWEAT BAND!

  Hercules : [goes down]  Phil... help!

• Hercules : Halt!

  Nessus the River Centaur : Step aside, Two-Legs.

  Hercules : Pardon me, my good, uh... uh... sir!

• Hercules : [as Hercules is welcomed onto Olympus, Meg turns away sadly]  Father, this is the moment I've always dreamed of. But... A life without Meg, even an immortal life, would be empty. I... I wish to stay on Earth with her. I finally know where I belong.

• Hercules : Wow. What a day. First that restaurant by the bay. And then that, that play, that, that, that Oedipus thing. Man, I thought *I* had problems.

• Hercules : I didn't know that playing hooky could be so much fun!

  Meg : Yeah, neither did I.

• [the Hydra appears] 

  Hercules : Ph-Ph-Ph-Ph-Phil, what do you call that thing?

  Phil : Two words:

  [the Hydra shrieks] 

  Phil : [running away]  Am-scray!

• Meg : What are you doing? Without your strength, you'll be killed.

  Hercules : There are worse things.

• Hercules : So what's in Thebes?

  Phil : A lot of problems. It's a big, tough town. Good place to start building a rep.

  [Suddenly, a woman's scream is heard] 

  Phil : Sounds like your basic DID: a damsel in distress.

• Phil : Kid, kid, kid. How many horns do you see?

  Hercules : Six?

  Phil : Ah, close enough. Let's get you cleaned up.

• Hercules : How can I come down there, when I'm feeling so up?

• Hercules : See, Phil? That... that wasn't so hard.

  [Hercules then collapses after freeing himself from the Hydra] 

• Hercules : You were right, Phil. Dreams *are* for rookies.

  Phil : No, no, no, no, no, kid! Giving up is for rookies!I came back because I'm not quitting on ya! I'm willing to go the distance. How about you?