The Impostors (1998)

David Lipman: Baker

Quotes 

• Maurice : [has just finished eating a pastry; part of a scheme to get free pastries]  I hate them.

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : Oh, I'm sorry; to each his own. There's another bakery shop down the block whose wares might be more to your liking. Thank you for coming in.

  [to Arthur] 

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : May I help you, sir?

  Arthur : Yes, would you excuse me a moment? I'm sorry,

  [to Maurice] 

  Arthur : I couldn't help but overhear, excuse me, sir, um, but may I say that your rudeness to this hard-working gentleman is uncalled for.

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : Please, sir

  Maurice : I beg your pardon.

  Arthur : No, I beg yours, sir. I happen to know that this gentleman

  [refers to the baker] 

  Arthur : is one of the finest pastry chefs on the Eastern seaboard.

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : Well, thank you.

  Arthur : You're welcome.

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : Do I know you?

  Arthur : Of course you do.

  Maurice : What's your point?

  Arthur : My point is, sir, that you would not know a good creampuff if it jumped up and licked you on the ass.

  Maurice : Well...

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : Sir, it's just a difference in taste.

  Arthur : No, no. this man is clearly an imbecile.

  Maurice : Ah, an insult!

  [quietly to Arthur] 

  Maurice : I'm in-I'm insulted?

  Arthur : Yes.

  Maurice : I'm insulted! Well, I am!

  Arthur : Oh, well good-good-good-good! Well, I'm glad you are! But I'm sure you're not as insulted as this gentleman!

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : Oh, I'm not insulted.

  Arthur : Oh, yes you are! The man works all day like a mule to support his miserable family.

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : Well, here now, my family isn't miserable. We're all quite happy!

  Arthur : No, you're not! You're miserable and pathetic, look at you!

  [ignoring his protest] 

  Arthur : All day, working like a lackey from rise to set sweating in the eye of Phoebus!

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : I love my work!

  Arthur : No, you don't!

• Arthur : What a fool you are!

  Baker in Kramer's Pastries : I am *not* a fool!

  Arthur : Oh, yes you are!

  Maurice : Sir, you really sholdn't talk to this gentleman that way. You like the cream puffs. I *don't* like the cream puffs.

  Arthur : FUCK THE CREAM PUFFS! THIS MAN IS A SLAVE AND AN IDIOT!