The Faculty (1998)

Josh Hartnett: Zeke Tyler

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Stokely : I'm not putting that hack drug up my nose - it's so eighties!

  Zeke : Aliens are taking over the earth. Weigh it!

• Zeke : Stan, take it.

  Stan : No way, you're takin' it!

  Casey : [laughing and obviously high]  You're takin' it!

  [Stan picks up gun and points it at Casey] 

  Stan : What the hell is wrong with him?

  Zeke : Nothing's wrong with him. He's tweaking you asshole! Let him fucking tweak!

  Casey : Tweak! Tweak!

• Zeke : Yeah, my parents are dead too.

  Marybeth : Really?

  Zeke : Well, they are still *breathing*, but for all intents and purposes they might as well be dead.

• Zeke : Hello Miss Burke!

  Miss Burke : Hello sweety pie, What are you looking for?

  Zeke : Ah, nothing important. So maybe you changed your mind about the chocolate laxatives?

  Miss Burke : Actually I had my heart set on something cherry flavored, if you know what I mean.

  Zeke : Sorry I'm all outta those but I have something else for you.

  Miss Burke : Yes?

  Zeke : Oh yeah.

  Miss Burke : Something tasty?

  Zeke : [softly]  Let me hook you up.

• Zeke : Here, take this.

  Casey : Now Marybeth.

  Zeke : Sniff it.

  Casey : You're out of your fucking mind!

  Zeke : I'm about to take my chances. I leave for five minutes, and when I come back everyone's a fucking alien. Now, if I have to Men In Black your ass, you're gonna fucking take it!

  [Casey sniffs it hasefuly] 

  Casey : Happy now?

• Zeke : This is where I get my equipment.

  Marybeth : You borrow it from science labs?

  Zeke : I like to think of it as stealing actually.

• Zeke : Not today. It's too damn hot, and I got zero fucking tolerance.

  Miss Burke : Eat me, you asshole! I'm the one with no tolerance, you pathetic little runt!

  Student : Ouch! Come back.

  Zeke : [sarcastic]  What are you going to do? Are you going to call my mother?

  Miss Burke : And how am I going to do that, little Zekey boy? Do you even know where she is? Europe? Sri Lanka? Japan? I wonder what remote location she went to this week... to hide from her great, big bastard mistake. I've taken your shit for TOO FUCKING LONG you dickless, drug-induced excuse for a human being!

  Zeke : Whoa... woman. What are you on?

  Miss Burke : "Woman"? Did you just say "woman"? I'm sick of you, little boy! And if I have to see you peddling your little "Wonder Dust" again, I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll be sucking my toes 'till graduation!

  [exits] 

  Zeke : [to himself]  Whoa! She got some bad shit!

• [about Delilah] 

  Zeke : Is she always this much fun, man?

  Stan : Sometimes she can be a real bitch.

• Zeke : [to Stan]  No pain Stan? If you come in here I'll show you some fucking pain!

• Zeke : Now, you, Delilah.

  Delilah : No. Her first.

  Marybeth : I'm allergic.

  Delilah : Yeah, and I'm Portuguese. Who cares?

• Zeke : Crusoe was afraid he'd be stuck on the island with nothing but calluses.

  Miss Burke : That's not correct Zeke. Isolation was his greatest fear.

  Zeke : Yes, but his external existence was in no way compared to his internal agony of the loneliness he felt.

  Miss Burke : That's very good.

  Zeke : Like I said, calluses.

• Zeke : [to Marybeth]  So, if anyone finds us in here, just grab a hold of me and pretend we're making out. The punishment is less severe.

• Casey : [after being told to sniff scat]  Why me first?

  Zeke : It's your birthright man, just fucking take it.

• Zeke : Casey, the only person in this school who's an alien is you, man.

  Casey : Fuck you, Zeke.

• Miss Burke : Zeke, you cannot conduct personal business on school property.

  [Zeke sits down on his car] 

  Zeke : Well, Miss Burke, we have a problem because I'm sitting on my car and that's my property.

  Miss Burke : Well I've had complaints from several students that you've sold them mind-altering substances. Now do you wanna talk to me about it, or take it up with Principal Drake?

  Zeke : You're too tense, Miss Burke. But I've got just the thing for ya.

  Miss Burke : You know, Zeke, I am the authority figure here, it's time you realized that.

  Zeke : Helps relief from blockage caused by dietary stress: Chocolate flavored laxatives.

  Miss Burke : You know Zeke, if you applied just 5 percent of that intellect to your studies...

  Zeke : Not a chocolate lover, huh?

  Miss Burke : ...you could've made up your finals last summer and you wouldn't have had to repeat your senior year.

  Zeke : Not a chocolate lover, huh? How about this: Condoms. Magnum Sized. And they're cherry flavored. C'mon... they're on me.

  Miss Burke : That's so rude.

• [Zeke gives two students fake ID cards] 

  F'%# Up #1 : Dude, that's not me. Doesn't even look like me

  F'%# Up #2 : It's 50 bucks right?

  F'%# Up #1 : Does that look like me?

  F'%# Up#2 : Uh, it's the new you.

  F'%# Up #1 : I don't know man. How do we even know these things are gonna work?

  Zeke : Trust me man, I'm brilliant.

  F'%# Up #1 : Then why are you repeating your senior year?

• Zeke : [to Marybeth]  Just doin' my part for the deconstruction of America.

• Casey : I say we go for the coach. He turned Stan. He's the one. Or do you want to wait for them to come to us?

  Marybeth : Either way we're completely unarmed.

  Zeke : Maybe not. I might have some more skat. In my trunk.

  Casey : In your trunk? In your car? Amongst the aliens? Oh, that's convenient.

  Zeke : [Holds up his car keys]  You got a better idea?

• Zeke : Answer me something, Marybeth. Why are you naked?

  Marybeth : Oh. Does it bother you, Zeke, my body? I'm gettin' kinda used to it myself.

• Zeke : Guaranteed to jack you up.

• Zeke : That's called a gun, man.

• Marybeth : This is your big secret? Caffeine pills?

  Zeke : [puts a rag on top of packages]  You never saw that.

• Zeke : You both take the drug.

  Casey : Ohh... showdown!

• Zeke : [while seeing 'alien'-Miss Burke looking for her head]  Ah, fuck this, I'm outta here!