Gimme Gimme Gimme (1999–2001)
Kathy Burke: Linda
Photos
Quotes
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Linda La Hughes : There aint no such thing as bisexuality, it's just greediness.
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Linda La Hughes : Tom, I ain't a pussy-person. When people look at me, they don't think 'cat', they think 'dog'.
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[Linda's son Zippy is trying to find out who is father is from his birth certificate]
Zippy : It says here his name was Owen Nistand
Linda : What?
Zippy : Owen Nistand
Linda : Let me see
[looks at it]
Linda : Oh! Hahahahaha! That's not Owen Nistand that's one night stand! Your daddy was a one night stand! I wasn't good at spelling in those days.
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Linda La Hughes : I ain't phobic about 'omos, I just can't stand the sight of 'em!
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Linda La Hughes : I've had my best sex in the dark. Well blokes prefer it that way, don't they?
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Linda La Hughes : I wouldn't mind him putting his hand up my skirt and moving my lips, if you know what I mean!
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Linda La Hughes : Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? What a rip off! Phone a friend? What if you haven't got any friends?
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Linda La Hughes : I feel like that fucking trannie from Coronation Street!
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Linda La Hughes : I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire! I'd get my bellows out and i'd stoke her up good and proper! Burn, bitch! Burn!
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Linda La Hughes : D'you know, I think they must a got a puppy for Christmas, cos I could hear her fella shouting in the background "I'm not havin' that dog back in my house" and then she said "party's off".
[Tom pauses for a moment to absorbs this, and then we see a smirk come across his face]
Tom : You're such a sad bitch!
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Sugar Walls : We had to stick her in a kennel from the age of eight, just so we could get some bloody sleep!
Linda La Hughes : You make it sound abnormal.
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Linda : Should have taken in a show. I love a good play.
[Tom looks at her in disbelief]
Tom : You? The last play you went to see was "The Chip 'n' dales"; which, incidentally, is not a play.
Linda : It was in a theatre. It had an interval. I had ice cream.
Tom : The theatre should be exciting.
Linda : I was stuck to my seat.
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Linda La Hughes : Well, German's are very misunderstood people, Tom. Take Fritz' mum Helga, she'll sit on your face, as soon as look at you.
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Linda La Hughes : No, Tom! Don't go near the windows! Don't go near the windows!
Tom : Why?
Linda La Hughes : Umm... Because Tom, Did you know that 175% of all drive-by shootings happen near French Windows?
Tom : Twiggy preserve us.. One is no longer safe in one's own home... It's like that really scary movie, that really violent one. Damn, what's it called? Chocolate Orange!
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Tom : [on the phone] Oh, hang on, I'll ask my PA...
[pretending to call his PA]
Tom : P.A.! P.A.!
Linda La Hughes : [gives him a look] P. Off!
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Linda La Hughes : Don't touch what ya can't afford!
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Linda La Hughes : Tom, I can't be a lesbian, I mean, look at me, I'm gorgeous!
Tom : Loads of lezzers are gorgeous! Take...
[Thinks for a long time]
Tom : Velma from Scooby Doo.
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Jez Littlewood : Three years.
Linda La Hughes : Oh I bet your gagging for a nibble on another plate of muffins!
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Tom : Oh, what do you know about love?
Linda La Hughes : I know it's in the dictionary between labia and lust.
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Linda La Hughes : I should've been black. It's only a fluke of nature that I weren't.
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Linda La Hughes : Oh my God who's that gorgeous creature? Oh my God it's me!
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Linda La Hughes : I am the auburn Jerry Hall.
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Melinda Messenger : [dream sequence] Linda, I wish I looked half as good as you in that dress
Linda La Hughes : Keep dreaming babe!
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Linda La Hughes : I Love smoking, me... Mummy gave me my first ciggy when I was 10, and I've never looked back!
Tom : Well, I've got to say, Linda, this is a surprise.
Linda La Hughes : Tom... You know I smoke.
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Linda La Hughes : Urgh! Taxi-Twat was in my bed all along!
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Linda La Hughes : I should be a glam mum like Scary Spice... Tits up here, arse out there, Max Beesley giving me a lick.
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Tom : What have you done? You foolish, foolish child!
Linda La Hughes : I've opened our back garden up as a camp site.
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Linda La Hughes : Tom? You've got a headache.
[She punches him]
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Linda La Hughes : Oh, Zippy, I could talk to you till the cows come home. In fact that's what Daddy used to say to me when I came in of a night "Oh, look, the cow's come home."
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Linda La Hughes : Excuse me, will have have sex with me?
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Miss Twitch : I love your dress sense, Linda.
Linda La Hughes : Think like a slut. Dress like a slut.