Small Time Crooks (2000)

Tracey Ullman: Frenchy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ray : What would you say if I told you that you were married to a very brilliant man?

  Frenchy : I'd say I'd have to be a bigamist.

• Ray : I gotta get some air. I'm going up on the roof.

  Frenchy : Don't jump! You're too valuable as a dishwasher.

• Denny : Ray really is a genius, Frenchy.

  Frenchy : Compared to you, this chair is a genius, Denny.

• Ray : Pretty late.

  Frenchy : Yeah, you too. What did you do?

  Ray : I, you know, I worked late... and then May and me had some Chinese food.

  Frenchy : You and May? What'd you talk about over dinner? Cartoons?

  Ray : Are you kiddin'? We went up to her apartment. We watched "White Heat" on television.

  Frenchy : Till 3 a.m.?

  Ray : No. Then we went out and we got a pizza.

  Frenchy : Chinese food and a pizza? With your stomach, I'm surprised you weren't shot breaking into the Pepto-Bismol factory.

• Ray : For God's sake! For some reason you're always shooting down my dreams.

  Frenchy : Because you get the kind of dreams people get after putting opium in their brownies.

• [Frenchy learns her accountants have looted all her assets] 

  Frenchy : This is the worst news...

  Frenchy's Lawyer : Oh, no. No, Mrs. Winkler, it's not.

  Frenchy : No? Well, it is to me!

  Frenchy's Lawyer : No, the worst news is coming up.

• Ray : Today Denny got bit by a rat. We had to give him rabies shot.

  Frenchy : Who, the rat?

• Ray : Very funny. You should be on tv.

  Frenchy : I am! Open your eyes.

• Frenchy : [on her company's expansion]  That's right, yeah. We've been planning it for months. Yeah?

  Frenchy's Lawyer : In order to do that, you needed a bank loan. Are you aware of that? Quite a substantial loan.

  Frenchy : Get to the point. What?

  Frenchy's Lawyer : They asked you to sign a promissory note to the bank.

  Frenchy : You're speaking to the wrong person. This is exactly what I got accountants for.

  Frenchy's Lawyer : Yes, but unfortunately, your accountants are in Venezuela.

  Frenchy : This is all so confusing!

  Frenchy's Lawyer : Frances, you put up your home and savings as a note for a monster loan.

  Frenchy : [pauses, then holds out her whiskey glass]  Could you put a touch of cyanide in here? It needs to be a little stronger.

• Frenchy's Lawyer : You've lost it all, Frenchy. Or should I say, you've been swindled out of it all.

  Frenchy : You mean I got...?

  Frenchy's Lawyer : Nothing, Mrs. Winkler. You have nothing. No... no house, no bank account, just a couple of large, outstanding loans which we feel you can best deal with by filing for bankruptcy.

  Frenchy : Bankruptcy? Bankruptcy? I'm not up to the B-words yet!

• Frenchy : What are you waiting for, the drilling season?

• Frenchy : They say I have a flair for decorating. You know this rug lights up? It's made of fiber optics. I'll turn it on later. Stevens, what's with the snails?

• Ray : I'm no genius, believe me, I'm no genius.

  Frenchy : Yeah, you don't have to sell me.

• Ray : You see this? See how beautiful it is?

  Frenchy : Yeah.

  Ray : See what you're seeing there? It's not just New Jersey. When we first met, there was a sunset it was just like this. Remember that?

  Frenchy : Yeah. In New Jersey, but in Colombia there was an earthquake.

• Ray : Can we change the music, please? Because I feel like I should be wearing a wig.

  Frenchy : You will be in a couple of years.

• Frenchy : Well, I wanna be the real thing! And you better wise up, 'cause if I grow and you stay as stupid as you are, we're gonna have big problems, Ray!

• [last lines] 

  Frenchy : Hey, It was you who taught me how to open a safe.

  Ray : That was one of my fondest memories of our time together... What are you saying? You boosted this from David's safe? Frenchy, that's stealing.

  Frenchy : Not exactly. Look, it's a long story, Ray. Let's sell it, and I'll fill you in on the flight to Miami.

  Ray : Sweetheart, you are the greatest.

  Frenchy : Yeah.

• Ray : What is this?

  Frenchy : It's a Damon Dexter. A discovery of David's.

  Ray : Yeah? I say it's depressing.

  Frenchy : Knock it off. You wouldn't know a masterpiece if it bit you in the ass.

  Ray : I refuse to look at this, Frenchy.

  Frenchy : And what's that supposed to mean?

  Ray : It means as long as this is there on the wall, I don't look at that wall.

• Officer Ken Deloach : What's that noise in the back?

  Frenchy : Uh, the cookie press. It needs oil.

• Ray : Yeah! But no museums, 'cause I'm not going to museums. The pictures spook me out... the virgins...

  Frenchy : [Frenchy laughs hysterically]  Ha ha ha! Spooked by the virgins! Ha ha ha! Sorry...

  Ray : Work on the laugh, Frenchy!

  [Frenchy laughs again, snorts, then stops] 

• Frenchy : All right, all right, hold your water.

• David : I'm talking about Henry James, the author. Yeah? Well, this is where he lived and this is where he worked.

  Ray : Where did he eat? I'm hungry. I don't care where he lived. I want to know where he ate.

  Frenchy : I remember! "The Hair-ess", right?

  David : The "H" is silent.

  Frenchy : Oh, did he write that too?

• Frenchy : Ya know who's going to eat this? Me!

• Frenchy : Well I wanna be the real thing! and you better wise up coz if grow and you stay as stupid as you are we're gonna have big problems Ray!

• Frenchy : The sweep kills me.

• Frenchy : Close your bazoo!