Red Dwarf: Smeg Ups (1994 Video)

Chris Barrie: Rimmer, Self

Quotes 

• Chris Barrie : [impersonating David Coleman]  Here we are at, er, Wembley. Er... an extraordinary outfit. And with me is Lester Piggott. Lester, you're going into the world of TV, isn't that right?

  Chris Barrie : [impersonating Lester Piggott, mumbling heavily]  Mmm-certainly right, David.

  Chris Barrie : [as David Coleman]  It's a program about food and drink, isn't it, Lester?

  Chris Barrie : [as Lester Piggott]  Mmm-certainly right, Dave, yeah.

  Chris Barrie : [as David Coleman]  What's your favourite drink, Lester?

  Chris Barrie : [as Lester Piggott]  Matter of fact, Dave, it's Vat 69.

  Chris Barrie : [as David Coleman]  Vat 69? Why's that?

  Chris Barrie : [as Lester Piggott]  That was the last year I paid tax.

• Chris Barrie : [dressed in the General Patton-esque uniform while filming 'Meltdown']  Kenneth Williams does The Dirty Dozen.

  [impersonates Kenneth Williams] 

  Chris Barrie : Oh, yes, now... My name's Gen-er-al Patton, yes.

• Chris Barrie : [in character as Rimmer]  Across that valley lies an army of darkness such as mankind has never seen. The only thing that lies between them and total victory is this pathetic pocket of resistance. Without a plan, without a leader. And into this bleak arena steps a man, the man for the moment.

  Robert Llewellyn : [in character as Kryten]  Who?

  Chris Barrie : [his line is supposed to be "Me! Who do you think, Pat Boone?"]  Me! Pat - Oh,

  [swearword bleeped out] 

  Chris Barrie : Sorry.

  [Robert laughs] 

  Chris Barrie : I do lessons on how to blow gags.

• Chris Barrie : [as Rimmer]  I AM ALI...

  [He pounds the crates flanking him. It appears Rimmer is indeed lucky to be alive. However, an enormous crate falls over, leaning awkwardly against him] 

• Chris Barrie : Some people took her for aloof. Thought she was...

  [He forgets his line] 

  Chris Barrie : Thought she was... Dunno, really.