Psycho Beach Party (2000)

Charles Busch: Captain Monica Stark

Photos 

Quotes 

• Provoloney : Why you picking on us? We didn't do nothin' wrong.

  Captain Monica Stark : Because I don't like you. Don't like the way ya talk. I don't like the way ya walk. Don't like ya haircut. You kids think ya own this beach- think it's a teenage world. Well, you're dead wrong!

• Captain Monica Stark : Ms. Barnes, why am I feeling a sense of deja vu?

  Bettina Barnes : I have a breath mint in my purse, sweetie - will that help?

• Captain Monica Stark : Strange that the victim had only one testicle stuffed in his mouth. I believe they usually come in pairs.

  Cookie : Well, that's cuz he only had one. I checked. Plenty of meat, only one potato.

• Captain Monica Stark : Frankly, Dr. Edwards, in the past, I've had little use for you headshrinkers, inkblot tests, "I hate my mother" and all that crap. But with this case, I find myself at a loss. I understand you specialize in the treatment of homicidal maniacs.

  Dr. Edwards : Yes, well, I've never been involved in a criminal investigation.

  Captain Monica Stark : Hmm. Don't worry. You can leave the cops and robbers stuff to me. What I need from you is this: what kind of sicko am I looking for?

  Dr. Edwards : The perpetrator preys upon vulnerable unfortunates the killers deems somehow flawed.

  Captain Monica Stark : Give me a profile.

  Dr. Edwards : Let's say the assailant is highly sophisticated, yet childlike. Vulnerable but canny.

  [a photo of Chicklet flies in Monica's head] 

  Dr. Edwards : Capable of both tenderness and extreme brutality.

  [then, a photo of Kanaka] 

  Dr. Edwards : The murderer is highly intelligent, yet strangely out of touch with reality.

  [then a photo of Mrs. Forrest] 

  Dr. Edwards : Sexual, yet surprisingly innocent.

  [then, a photo of Bettina Barnes] 

  Dr. Edwards : This individual has an insatiable craving for normalcy, which will make your investigation all the more difficult.

  Captain Monica Stark : How so?

  Dr. Edwards : Because the killer will do everything in his power to pass as normal.

  [finally, a question mark] 

  Dr. Edwards : He or she could be anyone.

• Captain Monica Stark : Well, here we are at another murder. I'd rather we met for minature golf.

• Captain Monica Stark : Mrs. Forrest, what were you doing at 9 PM last night?

  Mrs. Forrest : What any woman should be doing at 9 PM. Needlepoint!