How did anyone, anywhere on this entire planet find this piece of unfunny, badly directed, terribly acted - and I won't even mention the Gator Unspecial Effect, think this needed to be made? Just terrible from beginning to end! And when I read the "Directors" credits, he also did The Rollerblade Seven (which I ridiculously rented from a Mom and Pop years ago, and have regretted it ever since!). From the 'talking' Gators horribly annoying voice, to the non-emoting of PJ (who has only two credits on IMDb) to the rest of the non-able to act cast, this is just one horrible film. The absolute ONLY way to watch this: Rifftrax, which at least makes it funny.
35 Reviews
Absolutely and unquestionably thee WORST movie ever. Period.
Idiot-Deluxe23 February 2016
Dire Ineptitude!!!!!!! For fans of bad movies only. The Rifftrax version is the recommended way to see this wretched movie.
As stated above, this movie is the worst I've ever seen (dethroning the previous worst: 1964's "The Creeping Terror") being an avid fan of MST3K and Rifftrax for the past 15 years, I like to think I know something about bad movies. And let me say when the question of "what's the worst movie ever" arises, generic, ubiquitous choices like "Plan 9 from Outer Space" DO NOT hold a candle to ROLLERGATOR. When you dissect these movies element by element, those being casting, script, acting, dialogue, sound recording, editing, music, pacing, special effects, costumes, etc. ROLLERGATOR is thee absolute ultimate in terms of overall badness. Easily.
Starring Charlie Sheen's uncle, also known as Joe Estevez, he's the star-power of the movie, the other "actors" are total no-names, that the casting agent probably found at a local community theater (or a laundro-mat). As you can glean from the cover, along with Charlie Sheen's uncle, there's a small purple alligator (that talks!) featured in the movie; it's limply brought to life by a very lame and simplistic hand-puppet, whose tiny hands appear to be permanently fused to it's chest, as there is no arm movement what-so-ever.
The basic characters are a young blonde chick on rollerblades who befriends the alligator and its with the help of her skates that it becomes the: ROLLERGATOR! Estevez plays a carnival owner, along with him comes a henchman to do his dirty work, a karate instructor, a "dark ninja" and yet another even younger blonde girl on rollerblades named "Slingshot", plus near the end there's some portly, bumbling, old biologist whose been attempting to find the alligator.
Throughout the movie, almost non-stop, there is aimless "playing" of an acoustic guitar, which will have to do as far as the soundtrack goes; occasional organ tracks appear and briefly add variety, but then back come the pointless guitar wanking.
As far as the dialogue goes, it often sounds improvised and shows little flow or logic and is often unintelligible.
Blah, blah, blah, the portly old biologist who's looking for the alligator eventually finds the alligator, who by then of course, is a Rollergator. End of movie. The worst movie ever.
(Hey all, any word on whether there's to be a 20th anniversary Blu-ray edition issued in 2016???)
As stated above, this movie is the worst I've ever seen (dethroning the previous worst: 1964's "The Creeping Terror") being an avid fan of MST3K and Rifftrax for the past 15 years, I like to think I know something about bad movies. And let me say when the question of "what's the worst movie ever" arises, generic, ubiquitous choices like "Plan 9 from Outer Space" DO NOT hold a candle to ROLLERGATOR. When you dissect these movies element by element, those being casting, script, acting, dialogue, sound recording, editing, music, pacing, special effects, costumes, etc. ROLLERGATOR is thee absolute ultimate in terms of overall badness. Easily.
Starring Charlie Sheen's uncle, also known as Joe Estevez, he's the star-power of the movie, the other "actors" are total no-names, that the casting agent probably found at a local community theater (or a laundro-mat). As you can glean from the cover, along with Charlie Sheen's uncle, there's a small purple alligator (that talks!) featured in the movie; it's limply brought to life by a very lame and simplistic hand-puppet, whose tiny hands appear to be permanently fused to it's chest, as there is no arm movement what-so-ever.
The basic characters are a young blonde chick on rollerblades who befriends the alligator and its with the help of her skates that it becomes the: ROLLERGATOR! Estevez plays a carnival owner, along with him comes a henchman to do his dirty work, a karate instructor, a "dark ninja" and yet another even younger blonde girl on rollerblades named "Slingshot", plus near the end there's some portly, bumbling, old biologist whose been attempting to find the alligator.
Throughout the movie, almost non-stop, there is aimless "playing" of an acoustic guitar, which will have to do as far as the soundtrack goes; occasional organ tracks appear and briefly add variety, but then back come the pointless guitar wanking.
As far as the dialogue goes, it often sounds improvised and shows little flow or logic and is often unintelligible.
Blah, blah, blah, the portly old biologist who's looking for the alligator eventually finds the alligator, who by then of course, is a Rollergator. End of movie. The worst movie ever.
(Hey all, any word on whether there's to be a 20th anniversary Blu-ray edition issued in 2016???)
It doesn't get cheaper or more incompetent than RollerGator.
williampsamuel3 January 2020
RollerGator tells the story of a small, wisecracking purple alligator who with the help of a cute but fairly nondescript teenage girl on rollerblades flees a shady carnival promoter and a skateboarding ninja, so that he can be reunited with his old friend the swamp farmer. That old story. So yeah, with a plot like that you know you're in for a lousy movie, but you can barely begin to imagine how lousy.
Every single thing about this movie is breathtakingly cheap and incompetent. The whole thing looks like it was shot on a hand held camcorder. The really cheap kind. By people who have no idea how to frame a shot or get an actor's best angles. Obviously, they never bothered to hire a cinematographer, and I have serious doubts as to whether an editor was involved either.
RollerGator also features the most incompetent sound work I've ever heard. Half the dialog is unintelligible. Do they even know how a microphone works? Do they understand that the actors have to be facing in the general direction of the sound equipment? Or maybe it's because the same blasted series of acoustic guitar chords keeps looping over the entire movie, even when the actors are talking. It just never stops!
The dialog you can hear isn't much better, generally matching that of an elementary school play. And the jokes are the kind that only a very small child could ever find funny. Anyone else will just want to slap the writer. I mean seriously, how many bad jokes can they make about hot dogs? There is one brilliant line in this movie though. "I had to hose down the clowns. They were stealing taffy." Now why didn't they put that scene in the movie? The only other decent line in this movie is "I hate fresh foods! Almost as much as I hate gators!"
The acting isn't any better. Honestly, I'm not sure most of it can really be described as acting, given the utter lack of emotion shown by most of the people on screen, and the difficulty they have delivering their lines towards the camera. Although that may go back to the utterly incompetent camera work. Aside from "How did this travesty get made?" or "What have we done to deserve this?" the biggest question this movie raises is "Where did they find the money to pay Joe Estevez?" What is he even doing in this movie? Was he really that hard up for roles? Couldn't he have been doing something more dignified, like an insurance commercial, or a guest appearance on a soap opera? He spends most of the movie sitting behind a desk or aimlessly wandering around a carnival, muttering to himself and occasionally breaking down and crying. I would too if I was in this movie.
Nor are the characters any better that the actors playing them. The writers never bothered to develop any of them beyond one or two easily recognizable traits, like having an obsession with hot dogs, or being a karate instructor, or a skateboarding ninja. This is a kid's movie from the nineties, so of course the ninja has to be on a skateboard. And because they were running out of ideas, there's a second nondescript teenage girl who rides everywhere on rollerblades and helps the little gator escape from the bad guy. You can tell her from the main protagonist because she carries a slingshot everywhere and shoots people with it, hence her name, Slingshot. Yes, that's the level of thinking that went into this project.
Estevez's character is given no real attributes beyond being really slimy and yelling a lot. Every time he's on screen you just feel kind of uncomfortable. But the most loathsome character by far is the titular gator, portrayed by an incredibly obvious hand puppet. This little guy is worse than Poochy the Rockin' Dog. The filmmaker's must have thought that the best way to make it appealing to children was to give it the personality of a particularly smart mouthed twelve-year-old. They were wrong, very wrong.
Its annoyingly high-pitched voice, constant wisecracks, and general in-your-face! attitude make you want to punch it in its stupid little face. You genuinely want the bad guys to catch him, just so you never have to look at him again. And that's before it starts rapping. That's right, the alligator raps, and it's the worst thing in the history of music. He does not skate anywhere however, because they didn't know how to do that with a hand puppet. In fact, whenever he's not partially hidden behind something, his mouth doesn't even move when he talks. They're not even trying.
I was not at all surprised to learn that writer/director/producer Donald G. Jackson is a proponent of so called "Zen filmmaking" in which no script is used and you basically shoot whatever feels right at the moment. This certainly explains why most of the dialogue seems to be ad-libbed, why so many of the scenes feel formless and dragged out beyond all reason, and why they didn't bother re-shooting any of the parts where the actors flub their lines or the puppeteer's hand is partially visible. And it is the only possible explanation for the frog headed knight who appears in one scene and is never mentioned again.
Bottom line, everything in this movie is boring and stupid and terrible. It's worse than Manos. Really, it's that bad. If there's any redeeming value to this pathetic, misbegotten excuse for a movie, it's that the lead actress is moderately pretty, and appears in a bikini in one early scene. It's nothing you wouldn't see at your nearest public beach, and it does kind of make you suspect this movie was written by two 13-year old boys, but hey, at least it's something. Oh, one last thing. This movie has a mid-credits sequence, and it is a complete acid trip.
Every single thing about this movie is breathtakingly cheap and incompetent. The whole thing looks like it was shot on a hand held camcorder. The really cheap kind. By people who have no idea how to frame a shot or get an actor's best angles. Obviously, they never bothered to hire a cinematographer, and I have serious doubts as to whether an editor was involved either.
RollerGator also features the most incompetent sound work I've ever heard. Half the dialog is unintelligible. Do they even know how a microphone works? Do they understand that the actors have to be facing in the general direction of the sound equipment? Or maybe it's because the same blasted series of acoustic guitar chords keeps looping over the entire movie, even when the actors are talking. It just never stops!
The dialog you can hear isn't much better, generally matching that of an elementary school play. And the jokes are the kind that only a very small child could ever find funny. Anyone else will just want to slap the writer. I mean seriously, how many bad jokes can they make about hot dogs? There is one brilliant line in this movie though. "I had to hose down the clowns. They were stealing taffy." Now why didn't they put that scene in the movie? The only other decent line in this movie is "I hate fresh foods! Almost as much as I hate gators!"
The acting isn't any better. Honestly, I'm not sure most of it can really be described as acting, given the utter lack of emotion shown by most of the people on screen, and the difficulty they have delivering their lines towards the camera. Although that may go back to the utterly incompetent camera work. Aside from "How did this travesty get made?" or "What have we done to deserve this?" the biggest question this movie raises is "Where did they find the money to pay Joe Estevez?" What is he even doing in this movie? Was he really that hard up for roles? Couldn't he have been doing something more dignified, like an insurance commercial, or a guest appearance on a soap opera? He spends most of the movie sitting behind a desk or aimlessly wandering around a carnival, muttering to himself and occasionally breaking down and crying. I would too if I was in this movie.
Nor are the characters any better that the actors playing them. The writers never bothered to develop any of them beyond one or two easily recognizable traits, like having an obsession with hot dogs, or being a karate instructor, or a skateboarding ninja. This is a kid's movie from the nineties, so of course the ninja has to be on a skateboard. And because they were running out of ideas, there's a second nondescript teenage girl who rides everywhere on rollerblades and helps the little gator escape from the bad guy. You can tell her from the main protagonist because she carries a slingshot everywhere and shoots people with it, hence her name, Slingshot. Yes, that's the level of thinking that went into this project.
Estevez's character is given no real attributes beyond being really slimy and yelling a lot. Every time he's on screen you just feel kind of uncomfortable. But the most loathsome character by far is the titular gator, portrayed by an incredibly obvious hand puppet. This little guy is worse than Poochy the Rockin' Dog. The filmmaker's must have thought that the best way to make it appealing to children was to give it the personality of a particularly smart mouthed twelve-year-old. They were wrong, very wrong.
Its annoyingly high-pitched voice, constant wisecracks, and general in-your-face! attitude make you want to punch it in its stupid little face. You genuinely want the bad guys to catch him, just so you never have to look at him again. And that's before it starts rapping. That's right, the alligator raps, and it's the worst thing in the history of music. He does not skate anywhere however, because they didn't know how to do that with a hand puppet. In fact, whenever he's not partially hidden behind something, his mouth doesn't even move when he talks. They're not even trying.
I was not at all surprised to learn that writer/director/producer Donald G. Jackson is a proponent of so called "Zen filmmaking" in which no script is used and you basically shoot whatever feels right at the moment. This certainly explains why most of the dialogue seems to be ad-libbed, why so many of the scenes feel formless and dragged out beyond all reason, and why they didn't bother re-shooting any of the parts where the actors flub their lines or the puppeteer's hand is partially visible. And it is the only possible explanation for the frog headed knight who appears in one scene and is never mentioned again.
Bottom line, everything in this movie is boring and stupid and terrible. It's worse than Manos. Really, it's that bad. If there's any redeeming value to this pathetic, misbegotten excuse for a movie, it's that the lead actress is moderately pretty, and appears in a bikini in one early scene. It's nothing you wouldn't see at your nearest public beach, and it does kind of make you suspect this movie was written by two 13-year old boys, but hey, at least it's something. Oh, one last thing. This movie has a mid-credits sequence, and it is a complete acid trip.
Should be a 0
jeffreygunn17 May 2019
People spent their time making this film
markcornwell-318187 October 2020
Makes Hobgoblins look like a Fellini film
toddholmes-8888327 August 2020
See you later....
gridoon202412 August 2008
Well, if the title hasn't already clued you in, just a basic outline of the "plot" should be enough to help you decide if this is the kind of film you would ever be interested in watching: young girl (around 18-20) who likes roller-blading befriends a purple TALKING baby alligator and tries to protect him from a greedy carnival owner who wants to use the verbally-not-challenged creature as a sideshow freak. She is helped by a female karate instructor and another, even younger roller-blading girl equipped with a mean little slingshot. The apathy with which everyone accepts the existence of a talking alligator is a surreal element, but mostly the movie is concerned with trying to be funny, and rarely succeeds. It is made with all the production values and technical elegance of an amateur home video, but the most annoying thing about it must be the soundtrack, which has guitars playing literally non-stop, from the first second to the last, and sometimes so loudly you can't even hear the dialogue (not that you miss much!). Despite all that, it's hard to fully hate this film, maybe because it clearly aims so low and proudly wears its cheapness on its sleeve. Or maybe because Sandra Shuker is such a sweetie-pie. (*1/2)
Brings new meaning to bad film-making.
ownzilla16 July 2005
It infuriates me that whoever gave the director of this movie funding to make this film got so taken in. I can only hope that "legendary" film director Donald G. Jackson (of Hell Comes to Frogtown "fame") embezzled the majority of the production costs for a used Ford Fiesta or something.
Make no mistake, this is not an example of "so bad it's good," this movie is "so bad it's melting my eyes and ears." Speaking of melting ears, the soundtrack is hands down the worst ever. It entails someone playing acoustic guitar (amplified) throughout the duration of the entire film (except for occasional pee and water breaks). The music has zero to do with what's going on-screen, and about 10 minutes in I was suspicious that might even be a sound loop.
But worst of all is that you can't hear about 40% of the dialogue because there is music drowning it out.
Not that you *would* want to hear the music. From what I can tell, the story consists of a baby, "rapping(and we use that term lightly here)", purple alligator has gotten lost. I couldn't get far enough into the movie to actually see it roller skate(I had an immense headache after an hour and ten minutes of watching the film), but apparently it does... eventually.
The film *seems* to be designed for kids. What with all the skateboarding Ninjas & slingshotting little girls. But the main character in the movie is dressed in a sports bra and extremely skimpy biker trunks. Meanwhile most of the film's cinematography seems to entail zooming in on the girl's belly button while she skates around.
I really don't want to spend anymore time talking about this film. Its offensive it was ever made, and I really wish I had never seen it.
Make no mistake, this is not an example of "so bad it's good," this movie is "so bad it's melting my eyes and ears." Speaking of melting ears, the soundtrack is hands down the worst ever. It entails someone playing acoustic guitar (amplified) throughout the duration of the entire film (except for occasional pee and water breaks). The music has zero to do with what's going on-screen, and about 10 minutes in I was suspicious that might even be a sound loop.
But worst of all is that you can't hear about 40% of the dialogue because there is music drowning it out.
Not that you *would* want to hear the music. From what I can tell, the story consists of a baby, "rapping(and we use that term lightly here)", purple alligator has gotten lost. I couldn't get far enough into the movie to actually see it roller skate(I had an immense headache after an hour and ten minutes of watching the film), but apparently it does... eventually.
The film *seems* to be designed for kids. What with all the skateboarding Ninjas & slingshotting little girls. But the main character in the movie is dressed in a sports bra and extremely skimpy biker trunks. Meanwhile most of the film's cinematography seems to entail zooming in on the girl's belly button while she skates around.
I really don't want to spend anymore time talking about this film. Its offensive it was ever made, and I really wish I had never seen it.
Not so much a movie as it is a recording.
jimevarts1 October 2015
Warning: Spoilers
Plot summary: a girl tries to keep a puppet away from Joe Estevez, who wants it to exploit it to make money to keep his carnival open. I was able to glean this from other reviews because I really couldn't get that much information from the recording itself.
At least Joe Estevez was kind enough to shout all his unintelligible lines so you can make out the word "wiener" once in a while.
It seems like this movie was made by this method: 1. Donald Jackson went to his job as a janitor at a carnival and accidentally left his belt-buckle spy camera on the whole time. 2. He watched it and thought it seemed kind of boring so he dubbed loud acoustic guitar music over the whole thing. 3. He added credits and called it a movie.
I don't know whether you'd call this a spoiler or not, but the rollergator is a puppet that the main character carries around with her. It doesn't do any rollering. So the name is a bit of a reach. I would have gone with "Backpackpuppet" if I were in charge of naming it.
If you didn't know Joe Estevez was an actor of sorts who probably required payment, you could reasonably believe this recording was made for free. Maybe he didn't know he was in it. That would explain some things.
Still. A better love story than Twilight.
At least Joe Estevez was kind enough to shout all his unintelligible lines so you can make out the word "wiener" once in a while.
It seems like this movie was made by this method: 1. Donald Jackson went to his job as a janitor at a carnival and accidentally left his belt-buckle spy camera on the whole time. 2. He watched it and thought it seemed kind of boring so he dubbed loud acoustic guitar music over the whole thing. 3. He added credits and called it a movie.
I don't know whether you'd call this a spoiler or not, but the rollergator is a puppet that the main character carries around with her. It doesn't do any rollering. So the name is a bit of a reach. I would have gone with "Backpackpuppet" if I were in charge of naming it.
If you didn't know Joe Estevez was an actor of sorts who probably required payment, you could reasonably believe this recording was made for free. Maybe he didn't know he was in it. That would explain some things.
Still. A better love story than Twilight.
Um...where to begin...
dsgraham21200213 October 2015
I have only looked at the recent short from Rifftrax and, from what I saw, to give this zero-budget 'thing' any stars should be a crime; since IMDb requires a minimum of 1, that's all it could 'possibly' get.
Everyone involved with "Rollergator" must have known they were making the equivalent of 'cinematic fecal matter'. Cheap and amateurish in every imaginable aspect of film-making, this pile of celluloid dung's only two redeeming qualities were the presence of the self-loathing (I suspect) Joe Estevez who may have thought:'I know full-well what I'm getting into, but don't care because I'm expected to be in intentionally-crappy films. How awful can I be in this one?') and the not-so-bad-looking blonde actress, Sandra Shuker, although her thespian skills border on non-existent. That's really it, folks. It's that bad.
The talking (!) baby alligator puppet would have even been improved by merely sewing eyes on a sock...you'd get the same effect, really. I guess it's all an intentional joke because it looks so obviously-fake. Anyone who's heard of 'Ed the Sock' has seen this before and just as believably; only Ed's perpetual cigar was missing.
Saying, 'This is the worst (fill in the blank) I've ever seen, etc.' is asking for it. Something even more horrifically-cheap and stupid may actually be possible...a shuddering thought, considering what I saw of this thing.
Everyone involved with "Rollergator" must have known they were making the equivalent of 'cinematic fecal matter'. Cheap and amateurish in every imaginable aspect of film-making, this pile of celluloid dung's only two redeeming qualities were the presence of the self-loathing (I suspect) Joe Estevez who may have thought:'I know full-well what I'm getting into, but don't care because I'm expected to be in intentionally-crappy films. How awful can I be in this one?') and the not-so-bad-looking blonde actress, Sandra Shuker, although her thespian skills border on non-existent. That's really it, folks. It's that bad.
The talking (!) baby alligator puppet would have even been improved by merely sewing eyes on a sock...you'd get the same effect, really. I guess it's all an intentional joke because it looks so obviously-fake. Anyone who's heard of 'Ed the Sock' has seen this before and just as believably; only Ed's perpetual cigar was missing.
Saying, 'This is the worst (fill in the blank) I've ever seen, etc.' is asking for it. Something even more horrifically-cheap and stupid may actually be possible...a shuddering thought, considering what I saw of this thing.
Some films are a must see
rob1n10 September 2015
There are some films made that are must see cinema, from fabulous storytelling, through superb acting, talented direction, to stunning cinematography. Sadly Rollergator isn't on of them, if there was ever a film made not to be seen than Rollergator meets all the criteria and more. it's appalling. Words almost fail me, there are no redeeming features whatsoever in the film, there are some parts that beggar belief, from the alligator himself through to a painfully lame martial arts display. Oh yes, I forgot the soundtrack, endless strumming away bu someone undoubtedly a friend of the film makers who did it as a favour in return for a credit listing, what a dreadful racket. I was almost reduced to tears begging this film to end. By comparison Hobgoblins is the work of a master, and that was what I would have said previously the worst film I'd ever had the misfortune to see. It's hard to forget this film, I will remember when and where I was when I saw it, it is etched into my consciousness and not in a good way. If you like really bad films then this is one for you, but be warned, this film is worse than you imagine it could be no matter how many reviews you read, how awful the comments here are about it, and how based on your previous film history you think ti could be, it's worse than that! No amount of alcohol or other substances is going to improve it either.
I love Rollergator
wildrebel20134 August 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Who does not love Rollergator? It's such a soulful, heart-warming, funny and touching story about true friendship.
Joe Estevez (Soultaker) as carnival owner Uncle Chi Chi gives a funny performance, so does Larry Maddox as his nephew, Ed-Wood veteran actor Conrad Brooks (Plan 9 from Outer Space) shows up as Swamp Farmer, who is searching for his friend, the gator. And lead actress Sandra Shuker as P. J. is such a sweetie. Her scenes with the gator are really wonderful.
P. J. And the gator make lots of friends on their journey until the gator finally is reunited with the Swamp Farmer. A family friendly and kids-orientated film from Donald G. Jackson.
This is not one of those boring million-dollar budget movies where the animation alone costs tons of money, this is low budget filmmaking, made from someone with a real passion and love for filmmaking. I love Rollergator.
Joe Estevez (Soultaker) as carnival owner Uncle Chi Chi gives a funny performance, so does Larry Maddox as his nephew, Ed-Wood veteran actor Conrad Brooks (Plan 9 from Outer Space) shows up as Swamp Farmer, who is searching for his friend, the gator. And lead actress Sandra Shuker as P. J. is such a sweetie. Her scenes with the gator are really wonderful.
P. J. And the gator make lots of friends on their journey until the gator finally is reunited with the Swamp Farmer. A family friendly and kids-orientated film from Donald G. Jackson.
This is not one of those boring million-dollar budget movies where the animation alone costs tons of money, this is low budget filmmaking, made from someone with a real passion and love for filmmaking. I love Rollergator.
Nice and funny
wolfhell8815 January 2007
Warning: Spoilers
A very nice and funny independent production, a road movie on Rollerblades: Sandra Shuker plays a young woman who finds a talking baby alligator (I'm not a baby, I'm almost twelve)who is running away from a fair market owner (Joe Estevez) who wants to make a lot of money with an talking alligator. The girl puts on her Rollerblades and they start into a fascinating journey.
The girl helps the alligator to escape and get back to the swamp and to his friend the Swamp Farmer, played by Conrad Brooks, maybe the last survivor of Ed Wood's "Plan 9".
The story is really nice and the end when Joe Estevez turns into an alligator is one of the funniest scenes ever. Since "Hell comes to Frogtown and "Roller Blade Seven" I'm interested in the work of director Donald G. Jackson. Roller Skaters, Ninjas, talking Alligators and pretty girls and not to forget his unique visual style makes the difference between Jackson and other Low Budget Filmmakers.
If you'd expect an action movie, forget it but if you like bizarre movies who are not like other ones than give this one a chance.
The girl helps the alligator to escape and get back to the swamp and to his friend the Swamp Farmer, played by Conrad Brooks, maybe the last survivor of Ed Wood's "Plan 9".
The story is really nice and the end when Joe Estevez turns into an alligator is one of the funniest scenes ever. Since "Hell comes to Frogtown and "Roller Blade Seven" I'm interested in the work of director Donald G. Jackson. Roller Skaters, Ninjas, talking Alligators and pretty girls and not to forget his unique visual style makes the difference between Jackson and other Low Budget Filmmakers.
If you'd expect an action movie, forget it but if you like bizarre movies who are not like other ones than give this one a chance.
Not worth your time even if you like bad movies.
taylorsart22 August 2018
Jeesh. Where to begin with this disaster.
Well, me and my friends love watching bad movies. We do it all the time. I think for the same reason many other people do it to; To find something of comedic value and perhaps try and get an understanding as to why the filmmakers made these movies. Sometimes this can simply be attributed to incompetence, trying to make something beyond their scope and budget and competency, or just because the filmmakers wanted to make a movie they wanted to make as a passion project. Some of these movies can be endearing for those reasons alone. But we've sat through enough terrible movies to know that Rollergator isnt one of them.
To sum up quickly for whoever is reading this; a tiny purple alligator and a woman on rollerskates perpetually run away from a skateboarding ninja hired by a carnival owner to retrieve him for their personal profits.
Thats all you really need to know, because those are the only things you can sort of puzzle together. Because for some reason i believe the movie is edited out of order. From the moment the movie starts until it ends nothing makes a lick of sense in the way its story progresses. Scenes cut and jump awkwardly, the camera work resembles that of a 13 year old making short films for youtube and the acting is nothing short from sublime (terrible). There is nothing funny about it. The only reason we got a chuckle out of it was of how distressed me and my friends were and how much we hated it. We got more enjoyment out of eachothers misery watching this than actually watching it.
Another gripe i have is that the movie is a flatout lie. I thought at least i would see a small purple alligator on rollerblades but that didnt happen. Also, the alligator claims that it can sing and rap. But only spits like 2 of the most lamest bars ive heard since "TOP 10 LAMEST FREESTYLE BARS" on youtube (which by the way is funny as hell, funnier than this movie at least). for the rest he doesnt really do much. He spends about 90 percent of the movie huddled away in a backpack.
Now, the audio is... Ooof... No Disrespect Preston Reed but the neverending droning loop of twangy guitars(Me and my friends can pretty much confirm it, maybe, honestly this movie actually made me lose memories) is the worst stuff ever. and it plays from the start till the finish. No tonal shifts, no pauses just the same guitar playing over and over and over. The audio mixing for dialogue in this movie is bad, and sometimes gets drowned out by the guitar that just keeps going and going and going... i legitimately felt dizzy because of how repetitive the audio was.
Overall. Even if you like terribad movies, this isnt worth your time. There is no comedic value in any aspect whatsoever. not in the acting or the camera work or the audio. Its all bad. Steer clear from this one for sure. It aint worth the attention.
Well, me and my friends love watching bad movies. We do it all the time. I think for the same reason many other people do it to; To find something of comedic value and perhaps try and get an understanding as to why the filmmakers made these movies. Sometimes this can simply be attributed to incompetence, trying to make something beyond their scope and budget and competency, or just because the filmmakers wanted to make a movie they wanted to make as a passion project. Some of these movies can be endearing for those reasons alone. But we've sat through enough terrible movies to know that Rollergator isnt one of them.
To sum up quickly for whoever is reading this; a tiny purple alligator and a woman on rollerskates perpetually run away from a skateboarding ninja hired by a carnival owner to retrieve him for their personal profits.
Thats all you really need to know, because those are the only things you can sort of puzzle together. Because for some reason i believe the movie is edited out of order. From the moment the movie starts until it ends nothing makes a lick of sense in the way its story progresses. Scenes cut and jump awkwardly, the camera work resembles that of a 13 year old making short films for youtube and the acting is nothing short from sublime (terrible). There is nothing funny about it. The only reason we got a chuckle out of it was of how distressed me and my friends were and how much we hated it. We got more enjoyment out of eachothers misery watching this than actually watching it.
Another gripe i have is that the movie is a flatout lie. I thought at least i would see a small purple alligator on rollerblades but that didnt happen. Also, the alligator claims that it can sing and rap. But only spits like 2 of the most lamest bars ive heard since "TOP 10 LAMEST FREESTYLE BARS" on youtube (which by the way is funny as hell, funnier than this movie at least). for the rest he doesnt really do much. He spends about 90 percent of the movie huddled away in a backpack.
Now, the audio is... Ooof... No Disrespect Preston Reed but the neverending droning loop of twangy guitars(Me and my friends can pretty much confirm it, maybe, honestly this movie actually made me lose memories) is the worst stuff ever. and it plays from the start till the finish. No tonal shifts, no pauses just the same guitar playing over and over and over. The audio mixing for dialogue in this movie is bad, and sometimes gets drowned out by the guitar that just keeps going and going and going... i legitimately felt dizzy because of how repetitive the audio was.
Overall. Even if you like terribad movies, this isnt worth your time. There is no comedic value in any aspect whatsoever. not in the acting or the camera work or the audio. Its all bad. Steer clear from this one for sure. It aint worth the attention.
As bad as it gets
BandSAboutMovies9 January 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Remember Donald G. Jackson?
From the man who shut out Roller Blade, Roller Blade Warriors: Taken by Force, The Roller Blade Seven, The Legend of the Rollerblade Seven and Return of the Roller Blade Seven - and well, Hell Comes to Frogtown is pretty good - comes the affront to humanity known as Rollergator.
P.J. Smith is a teenage girl tries who is trying to help a small, purple-colored, jive-talking alligator as he attempts to escape from the clutches of a greedy carnival owner played by Joe Estevez. Along the way, they meet a swamp farmer played by Ed Wood alum Conrad Brooks (he somehow survived being in Plan 9 From Outer Space, The Sinister Urge, Bride of the Monster and The Beast from Yucca Flats and yes, I realize that Coleman Francis directed that last one).
This movie has it all. Carnivals. Dark ninjas. Frogface. Roller blade mama. Pure pain. Forced humor. Roller skating gators. Sports bras. And it's all for kids.
Erin O'Bryan, who plays Roller Blade Mama and would also play Madame Zora in Baby Ghost, a movie with nearly the same cast and crew, appeared in plenty of Playboy lingerie VHS tapes. No one else really ever appeared anywhere else in this movie, despite the promise - or threat - or Rollergator 2 in the end credits.
From the man who shut out Roller Blade, Roller Blade Warriors: Taken by Force, The Roller Blade Seven, The Legend of the Rollerblade Seven and Return of the Roller Blade Seven - and well, Hell Comes to Frogtown is pretty good - comes the affront to humanity known as Rollergator.
P.J. Smith is a teenage girl tries who is trying to help a small, purple-colored, jive-talking alligator as he attempts to escape from the clutches of a greedy carnival owner played by Joe Estevez. Along the way, they meet a swamp farmer played by Ed Wood alum Conrad Brooks (he somehow survived being in Plan 9 From Outer Space, The Sinister Urge, Bride of the Monster and The Beast from Yucca Flats and yes, I realize that Coleman Francis directed that last one).
This movie has it all. Carnivals. Dark ninjas. Frogface. Roller blade mama. Pure pain. Forced humor. Roller skating gators. Sports bras. And it's all for kids.
Erin O'Bryan, who plays Roller Blade Mama and would also play Madame Zora in Baby Ghost, a movie with nearly the same cast and crew, appeared in plenty of Playboy lingerie VHS tapes. No one else really ever appeared anywhere else in this movie, despite the promise - or threat - or Rollergator 2 in the end credits.
NEGATIVE 10 STARS!
TokyoGyaru24 November 2021
This isn't a movie that can muster even ironic enjoyment. This was clearly made to launder some dirty money. There is nothing else that I would believe. I could only make it part of the way through and that's with Rifftrax!
I've seen a lot of bad movies, but this one is the worst. It makes Birdemic look like The Birds.
I've seen a lot of bad movies, but this one is the worst. It makes Birdemic look like The Birds.
Featuring a gator whose arms are fused to his chest!
Aaron13759 August 2021
This film was pretty bad, but come on, "Rollergator", of course it is going to be horrible! This is so bad, I actually felt this film was beneath Joe Estevez's acting talents and he is not a good actor. The maker of this film apparently did Hell Comes to Frogtown which has a bit of a cult following, but this thing is nothing like it as at least it looks like a real movie. This looks like one of those films shot with a video camera, has someone just kind of puttering with a guitar as its soundtrack and a puppet dinosaur that has arms that do not move and are literally stuck on its chest. If you watch this film, you will not be having a good time!
The story, well a girl roams a carnival while Joe Estevez walks around mumbling and shouting, what he says is indecipherable due to the guitars that are constantly playing. The girl goes to the beach and at this point I am wondering what age she is supposed to be as they present her as eye candy, but she speaks like a 12 year old. She sees a ninja and then finds a cave where an annoying purple alligator is hiding from the ninja who they determine is a woman though I could not tell and they zoomed up to her, the girl on the beach had no way to determine this. Well the alligator who is annoying as all get out tells the girl how he has escaped the carnival and asks her to help him hide so she takes him to the carnival. Makes sense... Well we get karate instructors, Joe Estevez looking as if he is seriously about to snap, girls who use slingshots who are called slingshot, a rambling old man and a lot of footage of the side of the road with power lines in every shot!
Joe Estevez is the only actor I recognize, so that should tell you, you are in for such a treat! He has been in plenty of bad films over the years, but this seems even beneath him. The start of the film could be called Joe Estevez at the park as it is almost like home movies! Most people are going to want that alligator dead with more than a bit of gore to accompany its grizzly death.
So, this film was rather terrible. I caught it on Rifftrax, so at least I got some good jokes to go along with the film. I could at least hear them, I could not hear a lot of the dialog in this film due to the guitar playing constantly. Not sure why this film was made or what audience it was supposed to be targeting, but we all should be thankful that Rollergator 2 never materialized!
The story, well a girl roams a carnival while Joe Estevez walks around mumbling and shouting, what he says is indecipherable due to the guitars that are constantly playing. The girl goes to the beach and at this point I am wondering what age she is supposed to be as they present her as eye candy, but she speaks like a 12 year old. She sees a ninja and then finds a cave where an annoying purple alligator is hiding from the ninja who they determine is a woman though I could not tell and they zoomed up to her, the girl on the beach had no way to determine this. Well the alligator who is annoying as all get out tells the girl how he has escaped the carnival and asks her to help him hide so she takes him to the carnival. Makes sense... Well we get karate instructors, Joe Estevez looking as if he is seriously about to snap, girls who use slingshots who are called slingshot, a rambling old man and a lot of footage of the side of the road with power lines in every shot!
Joe Estevez is the only actor I recognize, so that should tell you, you are in for such a treat! He has been in plenty of bad films over the years, but this seems even beneath him. The start of the film could be called Joe Estevez at the park as it is almost like home movies! Most people are going to want that alligator dead with more than a bit of gore to accompany its grizzly death.
So, this film was rather terrible. I caught it on Rifftrax, so at least I got some good jokes to go along with the film. I could at least hear them, I could not hear a lot of the dialog in this film due to the guitar playing constantly. Not sure why this film was made or what audience it was supposed to be targeting, but we all should be thankful that Rollergator 2 never materialized!
Colossally miscalculated waste of air and space
lemon_magic6 March 2018
Warning: Spoilers
This film has one thing going for it: the lead actress is really cute and entirely adorable. She can't act for beans (she can barely get her lines out), but she looks good on camera. No, she doesn't wear a whole lot of clothes for most of the movie, but she brings a certain dewy-eyed fawn appeal to her scenes. Think live action version of a Japanese Anime about superhero school girls like Sailor Moon - sexy-but-innocent- and you'll have the idea.
As for the rest of it: Total crap. Most egregious is the "rollergator" himself, who ranks as a special effects somewhere below the hand-puppets in "Hobgoblins" (where stagehands held the puppets against the actors at some points) and the forced-perspective rubber dinosaurs in "Future War". He doesn't even have real "arms" - just molded pictures of arms on his torso. And the actor dubbing his voice really ought to be beaten with wet noodle until he understands the difference between "spunky/street wise" and "New Zoo Review".
And it's not enough to have him be a talking alligator/dinosaur - they had to make him a RAPPING one. This would have been OK if the rapping was decent, but "Rollergator"s rap forced cutesie-poo lyrics and delivery wouldn't cut it on Sesame Street, The Electric Company, or Schoolhouse Rock.
Joe Estevez is in this. I usually like Joe as an actor, but this morass brings out his worst,well,everything.
I could only watch "Rollergator" in short bursts because my eyes and ears kept bleeding. I finished it, looking really hard for something else beside the blond lead to like, but it was like panning for gold nuggets in a dung heap.
Avoid at all costs.
As for the rest of it: Total crap. Most egregious is the "rollergator" himself, who ranks as a special effects somewhere below the hand-puppets in "Hobgoblins" (where stagehands held the puppets against the actors at some points) and the forced-perspective rubber dinosaurs in "Future War". He doesn't even have real "arms" - just molded pictures of arms on his torso. And the actor dubbing his voice really ought to be beaten with wet noodle until he understands the difference between "spunky/street wise" and "New Zoo Review".
And it's not enough to have him be a talking alligator/dinosaur - they had to make him a RAPPING one. This would have been OK if the rapping was decent, but "Rollergator"s rap forced cutesie-poo lyrics and delivery wouldn't cut it on Sesame Street, The Electric Company, or Schoolhouse Rock.
Joe Estevez is in this. I usually like Joe as an actor, but this morass brings out his worst,well,everything.
I could only watch "Rollergator" in short bursts because my eyes and ears kept bleeding. I finished it, looking really hard for something else beside the blond lead to like, but it was like panning for gold nuggets in a dung heap.
Avoid at all costs.
Bottom of the barrel
kyyankee25 November 2020
A would be filmmaker saw Howard the Duck and figured he could do better. He also saw Martin Sheen and figured a relative of his would be a fine actor in this film. He figured endless guitar riffs would be the perfect soundtrack. It gets worse by the minute. This is even a step down for Ed Wood veteran Conrad Brooks. Only bearable, and even then by a razor thin margin, in the Rifftrax episode.
AWFUL ON EVERY...LEVEL...POSSIBLE.
camarossdriver10 August 2021
The ONLY good thing about this HORRENDOUS "movie" (and I'm even cringing at calling it a movie) is that the mind numbing acoustic guitar that plays ENDLESSLY throughout the ENTIRE film drowns out a LOT of the dialogue. There is not ONE SINGLE THING that made me laugh in this dumpster fire of a "movie". Seriously...you could probably go to ANY elementary school pick out the slowest kid in the place...give them some paper and two hours later you would have a much MUCH better script that what this pile of garbage gives you. I'm just wondering how BROKE is Joe Estevez? If he's doing movies like THIS...he MUST be living under a bridge somewhere,and spending his movie income on tuna and ramen noodles. I can't even recommend this heap as a SO BAD it's GOOD movie...it's just...plain...bad. Just walk away from it,and don't look back.
Toodles.
Toodles.
That guitar!!!
cwschaefer7312 June 2022
Omg that guitar constantly going! I couldn't finish. Looks literally shot on a vhs camcorder. Can't hear any dialogue over the terrible guitar! Did they have blackmail material on joe estevez? Why would he agree to this? Literally the worst attempt at a movie I've ever seen. You have to try hard to be this inept.
Worse than you think
culwin1 August 2021
Like many others, I only found this through RiffTrax, which makes it much more palatable. If you watched it alone without commentary, you would have a worse time. It is "so bad it's funny" for about 20 minutes, but the worst part is the incessant guitar that drowns out most of the dialogue. There are long stretches where nothing much interesting happens, and it slowly becomes stupid and boring instead of stupid and funny. I gave it 2 stars instead of 1, because it didn't make me angry or anything, but it's pretty rough.
Wow. Just WOW. The worst "movie" ever made. Honestly.
clsjessicawilde26 September 2020
Quite literally the worst movie ever made. In every sense of the phrase. Every single thing is just the complete worst. Feels like a middle school weekend project where the students got to borrow the librarys VHS camcorder. It's hilarious this actually qualifies as a "movie". Kids make far higher end productions on social media! A must see to see the literal absolute very bottom of the barrel. Watch the Rifftrax version as the original cut has probably never been seen for more than 5 minutes.
One of the absolute worst
bensonmum218 May 2020
While at the beach one day, PJ Smith (Sandra Shuker) meets a small, talking alligator. He's on the run from an exploitative carnival owner and only wants to find his way home. PJ agrees to help, but she'll have to stay one step ahead of the carnival owner, his henchman, and a female ninja (whatever?).
There are bad movies and then there are BAD movies. Rollergator falls into that second category - BAD. Someday, I might sit down and make a list of the 10 worst movies I've ever seen. I can safely say that Rollergator will be on that list. While watching Rollergator, it's hard to fathom that it was made by full-grown, human adults. Everything about the movie (and I'm being generous by calling Rollergator a "movie") is as bad as you can find. While I could write pages about the problems found in Rollergator, I'll limit this to just one. Never in my life have I seen a movie, especially a "modern" movie, with such poor sound. There are times where I literally couldn't decipher what was being said because the ambient noise drowned out everything else. I could see lips moving, so I knew they were saying something. What, though, I have absolutely no idea. I could record something on my phone that would have infinitely better sound quality.
While I could also easily criticize the writing, directing, special effects, fight choreography, and just about everything else, one thing I will not say anything bad about is Sandra Shuker in the lead role (unlike acting buffoon Joe Estevez). Admittedly, she's not very good, but I'm not going to blame her. First, she's really not an actress. This is her only acting credit. It looks like she was thrown into this movie and received little help from the rest of the cast and crew. Second, she appears to be giving it her all. You can see she's trying. That's worth something in my book.
1/10
There are bad movies and then there are BAD movies. Rollergator falls into that second category - BAD. Someday, I might sit down and make a list of the 10 worst movies I've ever seen. I can safely say that Rollergator will be on that list. While watching Rollergator, it's hard to fathom that it was made by full-grown, human adults. Everything about the movie (and I'm being generous by calling Rollergator a "movie") is as bad as you can find. While I could write pages about the problems found in Rollergator, I'll limit this to just one. Never in my life have I seen a movie, especially a "modern" movie, with such poor sound. There are times where I literally couldn't decipher what was being said because the ambient noise drowned out everything else. I could see lips moving, so I knew they were saying something. What, though, I have absolutely no idea. I could record something on my phone that would have infinitely better sound quality.
While I could also easily criticize the writing, directing, special effects, fight choreography, and just about everything else, one thing I will not say anything bad about is Sandra Shuker in the lead role (unlike acting buffoon Joe Estevez). Admittedly, she's not very good, but I'm not going to blame her. First, she's really not an actress. This is her only acting credit. It looks like she was thrown into this movie and received little help from the rest of the cast and crew. Second, she appears to be giving it her all. You can see she's trying. That's worth something in my book.
1/10
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