Photos
Quotes
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[Larry is dressed as a priest]
Peter McGowan : Oh Father... I seek Benediction!
Larry : Say four Holy Fuck You's and keep drinking.
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Larry : You're lucky. You got Melanie. There are men who'd die for her.
Peter McGowan : Yeah, die for her, or have her kill you. Either way, you're dead.
Larry : Still having trouble satiating, are we?
Peter McGowan : I think the doorbell's heard my wife shout "I'm coming" more than I have these days.
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Peter McGowan : Are you drunk or something?
Larry : What time is it?
Peter McGowan : Four.
Larry : Yep.
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Debra Salhany : So, how did you meet your wife?
Peter McGowan : She was a lap dancer, I had a pocket full of singles... No, she was a dancer. For a brief period, she gave acting a try. She came in for an audition, and the rest as they say is histrionics.
Debra Salhany : So, you employed the casting couch?
Peter McGowan : Hey, whatever works. You know that, Deborah.
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Edna : You look just like my son-in-law.
Peter McGowan : I am your son-in-law, Edna.
Edna : My son-in-law's name is Peter.
Peter McGowan : No. I said your name was Edna. My name is Peter.
Edna : You just said your name was Edna... Edna's a funny name for a man. Been teased over the years?
Peter McGowan : Mercilessly. "Pete."
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Peter McGowan : Hollywood doesn't want writers, so much as secretaries with a flare for dialogue. If you want to be happy in Hollywood, be a cinematographer. Nobody knows what you're doing, so they can't screw with you.
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Larry : This is just his way, Peter. He's like a buzzard circling. They spend a lot of time circling, and then finally they land.
Peter McGowan : When it's *dead*.
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[Peter is smoking]
Melanie McGowan : You know, you're going to have to cut that out when the baby comes.
Peter McGowan : What? Are you expecting it tonight?
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Melanie McGowan : Maybe you should see a therapist about your anxiety.
Peter McGowan : That's exactly what I'm afraid of. What if he cures me? Then, I'll have nothing to write about. Nobody wants to know about how happy you are.
Melanie McGowan : Oh, I don't think you ever have to worry about an over-abundance of happiness, dear.
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[after a prostate exam]
Peter McGowan : Now I know what a Muppet feels like.
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Peter McGowan : Do you ever think that if you attack an artist long enough, that you'll succeed in having him censor himself?
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Debra Salhany : Thanks for sticking around, Peter.
Peter McGowan : Thanks for letting me be sticky, Debbie.
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Peter McGowan : Seems to me only the intelligent people are choosing not to reproduce.
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Peter McGowan : "Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive." *That* is Sir Walter Scott.
Melanie McGowan : Oh, really? I seem to remember that quote a bit differently.
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Peter McGowan : [during wife's gyn exam] You know, to me sex education was always missing the answer to that key question, which was, yeah, how do I get me some?
Peter McGowan : [starts walking around] O-B-G-Y-N. What kind of acronym is that? Oh-bee guy'n. It's not really imaginative, I mean, you should come up with something that spells vagina - Vaginal Association of Gynecological Interns Navigating...
Melanie McGowan : Peter, give the doctor some quiet.
Peter McGowan : [now alongside the doctor] I'm sure it was an oversight on God's part when He positioned the gateway to paradise so dangerously close to the...
Melanie McGowan : Peter! Don't stand there and stare at my crotch!
Peter McGowan : Well, anything else would be considered inappropriate, my dear.
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Cop #2 : Did you write that one about the opera singer? Phantom...
Peter McGowen : [for the Nth time] That's Andrew Lloyd Weber.
Cop #2 : What? Why isn't this guy stalking Andrew Dice Weber? He seems famous.
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Passerby : You need a hand?
Peter McGowan : [hobbling along] I already have one, thanks.
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Peter McGowan : I hated being a kid.
Amy Walsh : Do you like being a grown up?
Peter McGowan : Well now, I like being adult. As for being grown up, that's uh rather elusive. But the truth is that most adults tend to romanticize childhood, which is absolutely delusional. I mean, most childhood fears are as great or more so than adult fears. Don't you think?
Amy Walsh : [stunned affirmative]
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[last lines]
Melanie McGowan : [in back of limo] You ever done it in a vehicle?
Peter McGowen : Well... that time in Idyllwild, remember? But... I'm not driving this time...
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Peter McGowan : ...But maybe that's everything in writing - a catchy title.
Debra Salhany : So is that why you decided to call your first novel How to Kill Your Neighbor's Dog?
Peter McGowan : Oh, that isn't mere affectation. That's a practical guidebook full of juicy bits on suburban terrorism.
Debra Salhany : ...but, uh, what if somebody reads this and goes out and kills their neighbor's dog?
Peter McGowan : Oh, well, what are you gonna do?