The Kid (2000)

Jean Smart: Deirdre Lafever

Quotes 

• Deirdre Lefever : Why wouldn't your eight-year-old self time travel here to give you a hand? You're obviously in trouble. He could straighten you out!

  Russ Duritz : You think he's here to straighten *me* out?

  Deirdre Lefever : Well of course! You didn't think it was the other way around, didja?

  Russ Duritz : [nods hesitantly] 

  Deirdre Lefever : Maybe he's here for you to teach him some things... but maybe he's here for you to remember some things, ever thought about that?

  Russ Duritz : Not until just now, no.

  Deirdre Lefever : Look, you're turning forty tomorrow, you haven't acquired a single thing of real value in your life...

  Russ Duritz : Hey...

  Deirdre Lefever : - and no, no, money doesn't count. You're virtually friendless, you barely talk to your family, and you've just lost the only woman in the world who's ever meant anything to you.

  Russ Duritz : Who, Amy? Oh, come on, she's not... we work together, that's all. She's neurotic! She bites her nails... well, nail.

  [holds up his finger] 

  Russ Duritz : This one.

  [realizes] 

  Russ Duritz : Oh, my God...

  Deirdre Lefever : [to the waitress]  While he's getting a clue, could I get a warm-up, please?

• [flying on a plane back to Los Angeles, anchorwoman Deidre Lefever strikes up a conversation with a very grumpy Russ Duritz] 

  Deirdre Lefever : So, what do you do for a living? You wanna tell me about it? You know, comfort of strangers and all that.

  Russ Duritz : No.

  Deirdre Lefever : Oh. Must be something on the Internet. Or finance. Genetic engineering, maybe, huh?

  Russ Duritz : [rudely]  I'm an image consultant, okay?

  Deirdre Lefever : Okay! So you sort of troubleshoot for folks? You know, give 'em makeovers when they need revamping, right?

  Russ Duritz : Right.

  Deirdre Lefever : Hey, look... I'm heading to L.A. to start an anchor job in the local news and I do not think it's an accident I'm sitting next to you.

  Russ Duritz : I see. So the cosmic purpose of our meeting is for me to give you free advice. What do *I* get out of it?

  Deirdre Lefever : We don't know. But I'll owe you!

  [smiles] 

  Russ Duritz : If I do it, will you shut up?

  Deirdre Lefever : Quiet as the dead.

  Russ Duritz : [beat]  Your hair's too long, your brows are too dark, your nails are too long... and your foundation's too orange. Your perfume's too sweet. It's the news, honey, not the prom. I like your eyes...

  Deirdre Lefever : [flattered]  Oh, thank you.

  Russ Duritz : Bluer. Try the tinted contacts. But only when your anchoring or in L.A.; when you're on assignment, take them out.

  Deirdre Lefever : What about my accent? I'm always being warned to stop saying "y'all".

  Russ Duritz : Don't ever stop saying "y'all". Your "y'all" is your trademark. Say "y'all" and you'll be promoted in six months. Say "y'all" with a smile, you'll be famous in twelve.

  Deirdre Lefever : Well, thank you.

  Russ Duritz : You're welcome. Now, will you please shut up?