Bibleman (1995– )

Maylo McCaslin: U.N.I.C.E., L.U.C.I., The Gossip Queen

Quotes 

• U.N.I.C.E. : [With UNICE's help, Bibleman has just disintegrated two laser-wielding villains]  ... That was exciting. We should do things like this more often. It was fun!

  Bibleman : No, UNICE. Our only concern should be doing God's will. Violence is never fun. Although I must admit it *would* make a perfect example for our comic book.

• L.U.C.I. : Uh-oh. I smell a music video coming on!

• Cypher : ...So, got any faults you wanna showcase in next week's issue of our comic book? Wrath? Envy? Lust? Gluttony? Avarice? Sloth?

  Bibleman : Oh, I wouldn't want to draw all the attention to myself. I think we should probably focus on *your* faults.

  Cypher : No. We gotta give UNICE her due. UNICE... you wanna check your database for any spiritual deficiencies?

  U.N.I.C.E. : That will not compute. I'm too tired. Think I'll go crash.

• L.U.C.I. : ...For your information, *I* am only a DIGITAL link; whereas *you* are the MISSING Link!

  Dr. Fear : Oh, stop it; you're cutting into my screen time!

• U.N.I.C.E. : You have trouble giving credit where it's due! Your mouth is bigger than your head.

  Coats : Oh, now wait a minute! That's not fair. My head is *way* bigger!

  U.N.I.C.E. : I concur.

  Coats : [realizes he's been tricked]  No, wait a minute! I DON'T MEAN THAT! I...!

• L.U.C.I. : [Wacky Protester plans to infiltrate the nation's most popular children's TV show with his own live satellite feed]  This is hilarious!

  Mr. Funky : Good morning, good morning! It's Saturday morning! And you know what time it is. Time for MR. FUNKY'S WILD TIME! Rise and shine! Before we go and visit Schnooky and Bubbles, I want all you kids to... jump up and down, scream as loud as you can, and run around the TV. Do exactly as Schnooky and Bubbles do.

  [an animated bear and dog chase each other, and beat each other up] 

  Wacky Protester (Jef Scott) : Oh, it is so clever!

  L.U.C.I. : It's the #1 children's show in the nation.

  Wacky Protester (Jef Scott) : Well, I'm not surprised. It's so influential, so powerful...! I just got a brilliant idea! I could make my own show. Or take over this one. By using my multi-digital 24-track plasma-digitizing set, with a side of bleu cheese, I could control what Mr. Funky says and does.

  L.U.C.I. : In other words, you're going to put words in Mr. Funky's mouth and nobody will know the difference?

  Wacky Protester (Jef Scott) : Exactly! *My* Mr. Funky is going to tell children that authority figures are nothing but a bunch of fuddy-duddies, who are out there just to make sure nobody has any fun.

  L.U.C.I. : Oh, this sounds good.

  Wacky Protester (Jef Scott) : Just imagine a nation of lying, self-willed, disobedient, rebellious, out-of-control brats! Not to mention their children.

  L.U.C.I. : This could get out of control.

  Wacky Protester (Jef Scott) : Bingo. That's the plan.

• Wacky Protester (Jef Scott) : Look, they're having a spat.

  [Meaning Bibleman, Biblegirl and Company] 

  Wacky Protester (Jef Scott) : This is the best reality television show that I've ever seen. You know what? I should air this.

  L.U.C.I. : Yeah, you'd get great ratings. We could call it BIBLE RIVALS.

  Wacky Protester (Jef Scott) : Or how about... CHRISTIAN CONFLICTS?

  L.U.C.I. : Or what about... SCHISM?

• L.U.C.I. : ...I have an idea.

  Wacky Protester (Jef Scott) : Silence! I'm thinking.

  L.U.C.I. : I was just gonna suggest...

  Wacky Protester (Jef Scott) : I don't need your suggestions right now.

  L.U.C.I. : Why don't you just infiltrate?

  Wacky Protester (Jef Scott) : Wait, I told you... I don't... What... Wait. Hold on a second... Wait. Why don't I just infiltrate. Oh, I have such brilliant ideas!

  L.U.C.I. : Your brilliance puts me to shame.