Guide to Golf Style and Etiquette (1995 Video)

Rodney Dangerfield: Rodney

Quotes 

• Rodney : [after accidentally rear-ending Buddy's golf cart]  Holy jeez, I'm sorry I banged ya! I was looking at her

  [Glyniss] 

  Rodney : , ya know.

• Glyniss : How do you like your steak?

  Rodney : Big. I hope it's not tough. The last steak I had, I couldn't get the knife through the gravy!

• Rodney : [waiting for Dr. Buttman to tee off]  We should've brought a deck of cards.

  [after more waiting] 

  Rodney : Hey let's go, while we're young!

  Dr. Buttman : Do you mind? I'm concentrating on my shot.

  Rodney : How much you wanna bet you slice it into the mountain?

  Dr. Buttman : I don't gamble.

  Rodney : You don't gamble? Are you kidding? Look at your wife! And tell her to wash her hair, there's flowers growing in it!

  [referring to her flower hat] 

  Mrs. Buttman : Aaaah!

  [cries] 

  Rodney : Oh, a screamer! Hey doc, you wanna make your wife scream during sex? Tell her you banged her sister.

  Dr. Buttman : How dare you!

  Buddy : You really should be careful what you say to him, Rodney. That's Dr. Buttman. He and his wife are one of the founders of the country club.

  Rodney : He's a founder, huh? I don't know where he found her, he should've left her there.

  Buddy : Dr. Buttman is a very prominent proctologist.

  Rodney : A proctologist? Oh, you must love it out here! Usually, he gets no view.

  Buddy : That's his wife, Mary, and his son, Spencer. Spencer's also a proctologist.

  Rodney : Really? Hey, doc, I guess when you retire, you leave all your assholes to Spencer here, huh?

• Rodney : [watching Glyniss bend over]  Hey Buddy, what do you say we change partners?

  Buddy : Uh, Glyniss and I always play together.

  Rodney : I'm talkin' after the game, ya know.

• Buddy : [to Glyniss]  Tighten your grip.

  [to Rodney] 

  Buddy : Glyniss has always had a weak grip on the driver.

  Rodney : Yeah? I found out Sonia had a great grip on the driver. That's why I fired him.

  Buddy : [to Glyniss]  Keep your head down, and spread your legs a bit more.

  Rodney : The last time I said that, it cost me $100!

  Buddy : [after Glyniss tees off]  Oh, you hooked it again, dear. If you don't listen to what I say, you'll always be a hooker.

  Rodney : That's why golf is so popular, you know. You can hang around hookers all day, and your wife don't get mad.

• Buddy : [distracted by Sonia teeing off]  I was just admiring her form.

  Rodney : I know what you mean. That form's cost me 20 gs and a trip to Hawaii. First, I took Sonia to the Virgin Islands. She didn't feel at home there, ya know. She told me I was twenty years too late.

  [close-up of Sonia's cleavage] 

  Rodney : Hey Buddy, there's enough there for the three of us: Me, you, then me again.

• Golf Marshall : [commenting on Rodney taking a leak on the golf course]  You're supposed to stick it out and hold it!

  Rodney : "Stick it out and hold it", what do you think I'm doing?

• Rodney : [to the priests]  I go to a lot of churches, depends on where the bingo games are.

• Buddy : [stomach growls]  My stomach, I must be overdue.

  Rodney : Sonia gave the same bullshit a few months ago.

• Buddy : You fit in nicely.

  Rodney : Sonia tells me the same thing, ya know.

• Priest : We're trying to raise money for a new organ.

  Rodney : I know how you feel, I'm trying to raise my own organ.

• Rodney : [after Sonia abruptly stops the golf cart]  When I told ya "don't stop short", I didn't just mean last night!