Ellen DeGeneres: The Beginning (2000 TV Special)

Ellen DeGeneres: Self

Quotes 

• Ellen DeGeneres : Human beings only use ten percent of their brains. Ten percent! Can you imagine how much we could accomplish if we used the other sixty percent?

• Ellen DeGeneres : I am fascinated by animals. All of nature fascinates me, all of nature. You ever watch ants? Do you have that kind of time like me? It's interesting because if you watch them, they're always in that one long single-file line. If you notice that. They're always in that one single-file line. They don't have to be. There aren't little lanes painted for them that they're forced to stay in. They can go anywhere on the ground that they want to go, but they stay in that line. I think... Don't you think there's gotta be that one ant? That one asshole ant in the back, just filled with road rage back there, just...

  Ellen DeGeneres : [shouting]  Come on! Let's go!

  Ellen DeGeneres : [looks behind her; raises arms alternately six times as if looking at a watch] 

  Ellen DeGeneres : You ever notice sometimes an ant will pick up a dead ant and walk around with that dead ant carrying it around? That's to get into the carpool lane to pass up that line.

• Ellen DeGeneres : There are things that must be said! And I'm going to say them! For instance, do we really need a 1-800 number on the back of a shampoo bottle?

  Ellen DeGeneres : That's right, I said it!

  Ellen DeGeneres : [pretending to be reading the back of a shampoo bottle]  Rinse and repeat, but how many times?

  Ellen DeGeneres : The thing is, if you need to call the 800 number, you can't read anyway!The only thing more pathetic than someone having to call the 800 number on the back of a shampoo bottle is the person who works at the 800 number!

  Ellen DeGeneres : [holding her hand up to her ear as if it's a phone]  ... It's about the size of a quarter in the palm of your hand... yeah, and rinse and repeat... You're welcome. That's my job... Buh-bye.

  Ellen DeGeneres : [pretends to hang up and immediately pick the phone up again]  Shampoo hotline...

• Ellen DeGeneres : [on cordless phones]  The way I see it... if you need both of your hand for whatever you are doing, your brain should be in on it too.