Langt fra Las Vegas (2001–2003)

Klaus Bondam: Niels Buckingham

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lisa Bremer Harris : [the employees are having a poll regarding who among them are masturbating at home]  Niels! Do you masturbate?

  Niels Buckingham : [beathing heavy]  Yes... would... you mind closing the door?

• Niels Buckingham : I've felt the horrors of alcoholism myself. I was on a journey, the destination was Cambodia. I was going with high speed down the rollercoaster of life. Booze, gambling, voluptuous women, cockfights, pills, midgets and junior strip. Opium and mud wrestling against blind people. At last, it all became too much and I was expelled from Copenhagen Airport.

• Niels Buckingham : I think you should go and wash your filthy vagina with water and soap.

  Liva Iberhart : What did you say?

  Niels Buckingham : *Mouth*! I mean mouth!

• Niels Buckingham : Bravo Casper! You delivered a fabulous show!

  Casper Christensen : [optimistic]  Yeah? Did you think it was fun?

  Niels Buckingham : You know I got no humor... But I could tell by the audience.

  Casper Christensen : So you have stopped considering firing me?

  Niels Buckingham : No, no... I still consider it... That's just the way I am... Bye-bye

• Lisa Bremer Harris : Do you got a pain in your back?

  Niels Buckingham : Yes... I was looking for some wonderful Belgium chocolate when I suddenly saw this little naughty boy peeing right in the middle of the Square! I tried to lift him but he wouldn't move.

  Lisa Bremer Harris : You tried to lift mannequin Piss?

  Niels Buckingham : Well, miss smart-mouth, you should try yourself how hard it is to spot the difference between a boy and a statue when you get pissed all over your face!

• Niels Buckingham : [chewing]  Flies? I thought it was raisins.

• Kim Dorowsky : Niels, could I - because of the International Woman Day - have a hotline where women could phone me and I could have a little chat with them?

  Niels Buckingham : Don't you think you should leave that to me? What makes you the expert on women?

  Kim Dorowsky : Well, now I am a woman myself, Niels... I shave my legs, wear a dress and sit down when I pee.

  Niels Buckingham : Well, that still doesn't rule me out...

• Lisa Bremer Harris : [talking about self-defense]  Then it won' be so easy to be a rapist any more...

  Niels Buckingham : That's right, Lisa... that's one of the good, ol' handyworks that are on their way out.

• Niels Buckingham : What's all this yelling about?

  Liva Iberhart : We're fresh out of water.

  Niels Buckingham : Where? In your vagina?

  Lisa Bremer Harris : Niels, please!

  Niels Buckingham : Sorry, girls, don't know what's gotten into me...

• Niels Buckingham : Why, you look just awful, Casper! You look like a body that has been lying on the E45 freeway for 73 hours... That reminds me to change the tires on the Volvo.

• Niels Buckingham : HORSE! That was the answer I was looking for! These mensa-questions are far too easy: What is 7 times 18? HORSE! Caus' if you've got a horse it's STRAIGH FORWARD. HELLO Tinky-winkey, and PIKACHU. I gotta go, it's almost lunch-time

  Casper Christensen : But Niels, it's only 9:30am

  Niels Buckingham : Yes, on YOUR clock, but what about the clocks on the arms of people in Montreal?

  Wulff : In Montreal it's 2am... now...

  Niels Buckingham : Exactly! And who want's to stop a Canadian lumberjack-type like me from cutting himself a lovely slice of pot roast? GO en peace, brother rabbit. This man is the most sensible one present here tonight! THANK YOU ALL. Mmmm estragon and creamy gorgonzola.