Garfield in Disguise (1985 TV Short)
Lorenzo Music: Garfield
Photos
Quotes
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[Lightning flashes when Garfield and Odie first see an old house]
Garfield : Nice touch!
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[Garfield and Odie are in a rowboat, floating downriver]
Garfield : [to Odie] It appears we're caught up in the current, matey. Put out the oars.
[Odie knocks the oars off the boat]
Garfield : Hmm. I'd make him walk the plank if I had one.
[to Odie]
Garfield : We be at the mercy of the sea, matey. Topside! Topside, batten the hatches! Trim the mains, slip the sheets, flibber the giblets! I WANT MY MOMMY!
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Binky the Clown : [after Garfield realizes he's doing the jumping jacks and starts looking for his remote control] Put it in gear, you losers! You don't wanna be *lazy*, do ya? You gotta get into good shape for tonight, kids, because this is the night you can get a lot of - candyyyyyy!
Garfield : [having found his remote and aiming it at the TV] Take that, Binky!
[turns TV off with remote]
Garfield : Ah-ha!
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Garfield : Arrr, it do be a land-lubber who be shovin' lasagna in his face. I declare this booty property of the queen.
[He takes his wooden sword and impales Jon's lasagna, and then eats it]
Jon Arbuckle : Hey! Who do you think you are?
Garfield : Arrr, I be Orange Beard the Pirate Cap'n, an' this be me first mate, Odie the Stupid.
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Jon Arbuckle : You guys look ridiculous.
Garfield : Arr, I've killed men fer sayin' less than that, but I'll letcha live, seein' as how yer the only man who'll change me kitty litter.
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Garfield : Observe carefully, Odie. I'll teach you some of the finer points of trick-or-treating.
[Taps the door a few times with his wooden sword and a woman answers]
Garfield : Gimme!
Woman at Door : Oh, how cute! Here you go, kids.
[Throws a couple pieces of candy into their sacks, Garfield does a double take in disbelief]
Garfield : Me thinks yer be a mighty stingy with yer candy, Miss! If ye don't reconsider your contribution, I'll give yer living room drapes a taste of me broadsword.
[She throws much more candy into their sacks]
Garfield : Thank you. A thousand blessin's upon yer home, ma'am.
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[repeated line]
Garfield : [rapidly] Candy, candy, candy, candy, candy...!
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Garfield : [surprised by the old man stealing the boat, with his and Odie's candy still in it] Rats, there goes my boat!
[Odie pouts]
Garfield : Rats, there goes my candy!
[Odie whimpers]
Garfield : My boat's gone, my candy's gone, the dead pirates are coming any minute, it's past my bedtime, and I wanna go home.
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Garfield : Now, wait a minute. Am I being too greedy? Should I share my candy with those less fortunate than me. Am I missing the spirit of Halloween? Naaawwww!
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Garfield : So the pirate ghosts got the treasure, and we got the candy, candy, candy, candy!
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Binky the Clown : Remember, kids: if you don't exercise with Binky, you're gonna to grow up to be worthleeeess!
Garfield : I hate you, Binky! Where's my remote control?
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Jon Arbuckle : You're probably wondering what I'm doing with this pumpkin on my head.
Garfield : Wha-hoo! There's a pumpkin on your head? I hadn't noticed.
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Garfield : Odie's so stupid he'd have to stand on a chair to raise his I.Q. He's ugly, too. It would take two of him to get any uglier. He's so ugly, he wouldn't have to wear a mask to go trick or treating on Halloween.
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Garfield : Hey, Odie, old buddy, you know what Halloween night is?
[Odie shakes his head side-to-side]
Garfield : Yeah, well, take that stupid pumpkin off your head and I'll tell ya!
[Odie kicks the pumpkin off his head]
Garfield : Better. That's a night when dogs have to help cats go out and get candy.
[Odie looks puzzled]
Garfield : That's right, and if the dog does a good job, he gets a *whole* piece of candy of his verrry own!
[Odie excitedly begins to jump up and down]
Garfield : Well, do you wanna go, boy? Huh? Huh? Wanna go out and get candy, huh? Huh, boy? Wanna go? Huh? Huh? Huh?
[Odie gets worked up into a frenzy]
Garfield : Okay! Let's go to the attic and find some costumes for tonight!
[Odie zooms off to the attic. Garfield then turns to the camra]
Garfield : You know, just between you and me, there are times when I love that dog.
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Garfield : Okay, Odie. here's the plan: I'll kick the door open, you jump in and secure the place. Are you ready?
[Odie barks]
Garfield : [Garfield unsucessfully kicks the door and fails to open it that way]
Garfield : Ow!
Garfield : [grabs his foot and jumps up and down] Tell you what, let's quietly slip in.
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Garfield : [examining a bowl full of pumpkin seeds] Hmm. This stuff appears to be a bit of lasagne persuasion.
[He grabs a handful of the seeds and stuffs them in his mouth]
Jon Arbuckle : Since when did you like pumpkin innards?
Garfield : [gags; spits seeds out] PTOOEY! Since never! Blecch.
[drops the bowl of innards, and we hear it break]
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Jon Arbuckle : What's with the blanket? You practicing for Halloween?
Garfield : Practicing? Practicing? Ha! I'll have you know Halloween's my middle name. Gar-Halloween-field. Oh, well.
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Old Man : [to Garfield and Odie] This island has a secret: a deep, dark secret that is held for a hundred years. One hundred years ago tonight, a ruthless band of pirates held up in this very house. They had looted many ships and were pursued by government troops. They were so heavily laden with their ill-gotten gains they had to bury the treasure before making their escape. However, before they left this island on that stormy night, they signed a contract written in blood. They vowed to return for the treasure one hundred years from Halloween night at the stroke of midnight, even if it meant returning from the grave.
[we hear a clap of thunder as Garfield apprehensively notices the grandfather clock as it reads 11:55, then another clap of thunder sounds]
Garfield : [dismissive] Do you believe that?
Old Man : Belieeeeeeve it, my friends! The pirates had a ten-year-old cabin boy. I was that boy. I was there. I never took the treasure because they would have found me. There's no escaping them! They know we're here! They know WHO WE ARE!
Garfield : Well, that made my mind up. C'mon Odie. Let's blow this joint.
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[Garfield sneaks up on Jon, who is holding a pumpkin and removing its innards to carve it into a jack-o-lantern]
Garfield : Boo!
Jon Arbuckle : [throwing the pumpkin up in the air, startled] Wha-a-a!
[the pumpkin falls down on his head]
Garfield : Gotcha!
Jon Arbuckle : [sounding cross] That's not funny, Garfield.
Garfield : Then how about this?
[He makes funny faces at Jon]
Jon Arbuckle : [laughing] Now that's funny, Garfield.
[he sighs]
Jon Arbuckle : Why can't I stay angry with you, Garfield?
Garfield : 'Cause I'm a cat.
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Garfield : Some pirate captain I am. I can't even get a rowboat across the river. Now I'll probably float out to sea and never be heard from again. If I ever get back to land, I'm gonna give up this pirate business. I'm gonna stop pretending I'm something I'm not. I'm just gonna be me: Garfield the house cat. Gourmet. Bon vivant. World traveler. Jet-setting playboy.
[Odie taps him on the shoulder, trying to get his attention]
Garfield : Leave me alone, Odie. I'm busy wallowing in self pity.
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[Binky is on TV, mentioning getting into shape for candy, but Garfield turns the TV off]
Garfield : Wait a minute. Did he say we could get a lot of candy tonight?
[frantically flips through various channels on the TV to turn Binky back on]
Garfield : Binky! Binky, come back! Where are you, Binky, old buddy?
[finally finds the channel Binky is on]
Binky the Clown : That's right, kids! Tonight *is* Halloween night, and we wanna be in great shape to trick-or-treat for all that candy, don't weeeeee?
Garfield : [happily] Yes, we dooooo!
[switches the TV off again]
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Garfield : The old man was right, Odie. This was the worst night of my life. I've had nightmares that looked like birthday parties compared to tonight.
[Odie points to their boat, with their candy still in it]
Garfield : Well, looky here! It do be me candy! Arrr... I guess this story do have a happy ending after all, matey. Let's be shovin' off for home now.
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[last lines]
Garfield : What a night. Boy, am I wired. I think I'll see what's on TV.
[he turns on the TV, revealing what looks like the old man from earlier, wearing a pirate hat just like Garfield's]
Old Man : Good evening, and welcome to our all-night pirate movie festival.
Garfield : [quickly turns TV off] Boy, am I *tired*!
[Garfield settles down into his bed to sleep, holding his teddy bear, Pooky]
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Jon Arbuckle : [to Garfield] I was carving a jack o'lantern until you arrived. What do you think?
Garfield : It's you.
Jon Arbuckle : [pushing the jack o'lantern off his head, then it lands on Odie's] Well, this one's ruined.
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Garfield : [he and Odie enter the attic] There should be some great Halloween costumes up here somewhere, Odie. Jon has never thrown anything away.
[they walk up to a trunk; Garfield blows off the dust on it and coughs from the dust, then opens the lid and tosses various items out]
Garfield : Here's Jon's first bow-tie... Tacky... some sunglasses, Cousin Wanda's wig, Aunt Orpha's false teeth... Yuck!... Roy Ogle's roots, strings, sealing wax, and all that funny stuff. Well, I guess there's nothing here.
[turns and sees Odie with the various items on him; Garfield yelps]
Garfield : Very funny, Odie. Come on, let's keep looking.
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Garfield : [singing] Sixty men all lost at sea, / All of 'em drunk, except for me. / 'Twas I who had to face the storm / With nothin' in sight to keep my warm. / Yo, ho, ho, ho! / Over the raging sea we go! / Yo, ho, ho, ho! / Wherever the four winds blow! Hey!
