Shrek 2 (2004)
Mike Myers: Shrek
Photos
Quotes
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Shrek : Quick, tell a lie!
Pinocchio : What should I say?
Donkey : Say something crazy, like, "I'm wearing ladies underwear!"
Pinocchio : I'm wearing ladies underwear.
Pinocchio : [silence]
Shrek : Are you?
Pinocchio : I most certainly am not!
Pinocchio : [nose extends]
Donkey : It looks like you most certainly am are!
Pinocchio : I am not!
Pinocchio : [nose extends]
Puss-in-Boots : What kind?
Gingerbread Man : IT'S A THONG!
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Donkey : What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say, "You have the right to remain silent." Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!
Shrek : Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.
Puss-in-Boots : [camera shows just Puss] I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad.
Gingerbread Man : Shrek? Donkey?
Puss-in-Boots : [looks up to see fairy tale creatures above him] Too late.
Shrek : Gingy! Pinocchio! Get us out of here!
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Puss-in-Boots : Stop, ogre! I have misjudged you.
Shrek : Join the club. We got jackets.
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[Shrek, Fiona, Fiona's Mom and Dad and Donkey are arguing at the table]
Queen : Harold!
Princess Fiona : Shrek!
Shrek : Fiona...
King : Fiona!
Princess Fiona : Mom!
Queen : Harold!
Donkey : [happily] Donkey!
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Receptionist : Look, she's not seeing any clients today. Okay?
Shrek : That's okay, buddy. We're from the union.
Receptionist : The union?
Shrek : We represent the workers in all magical industries, both evil and benign.
Receptionist : Oh, of course.
Shrek : Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?
Receptionist : A little. We don't even have dental.
Shrek : They don't even have dental. Okay, we're gonna have a look around. And buddy, it would be better if the Fairy Godmother doesn't know about this. Know what I mean? Hmm?
Donkey : Hmm?
Shrek : Hmm?
Donkey : Huh? Huh? Huh?
Shrek : Stop it.
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Shrek : Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you.
Donkey : Oh, man! Where do I begin? First there was the time the farmer traded me for some magic beans. I ain't never gotten over that. Then this fool went off and had a party, and they all starting trying to pin a tail on me. Then they all got drunk, and started hitting me with sticks, yelling "Piñata! Piñata!" What is a piñata, anyway?
Shrek : No, Donkey! I need you to cry.
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King : Who on earth are they?
Queen : I think that's our little girl!
King : That's not little, that's a really big problem! Wasn't she supposed to kiss Prince Charming and break the spell?
Queen : Well, he's no Prince Charming, but they do look...
Shrek : Happy now? We came, we saw them. Now let's go before they light the torches!
Princess Fiona : But they're my parents!
Shrek : Hello, they locked you in a tower!
Princess Fiona : Hey, that was for my own...
King : Good! Now's our chance. Let's go back inside and pretend we're not home.
Queen : Harold! We have to be...
Shrek : Quick, while they're not looking, we can make a run for it!
Princess Fiona : Shrek! Stop it! Everything is going to be...
King : A disaster! There's no way...
Princess Fiona : You can do this.
Shrek : But I really...
King : Really...
Queen : Really...
Shrek : Don't...
Princess Fiona : Want...
Queen : To...
Shrek : Be...
King : He-ere.
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[Shrek steals two noblemen's clothes]
Shrek : Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you, unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
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Shrek : [about the trumpeters and messenger who gave Shrek and Fiona the invitation] How do you explain Sgt. Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band?
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Shrek : The kingdom of FAR FAR Away, Donkey? That's where we're going! FAR, FAR away!
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[Harold takes the spell meant for Shrek, and is blasted until only his armour remains]
Princess Fiona : Oh, Dad...
Queen : Harold...
Pinocchio : Is he... oh...
[there's a "ribbit"]
Gingerbread Man : He croaked...
[Harold, the Frog King, clambers out of his armour]
Queen : ...Harold?
Princess Fiona : ...Dad?
King : [sighs] I had hoped you would never see me like this...
Donkey : [to Shrek] Huh - and he gave *you* a hard time!
Shrek : Donkey!
King : No, no, he's right - I'm sorry, to both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona, but I can see now she already has it. Shrek, Fiona - will you accept an old frog's apologies, and my blessing?
[Shrek and Fiona bow their heads in assent]
Queen : Harold...
King : I'm sorry, Lillian - I just wish I could be the man that you deserve...
Queen : [taking him in her hand] You're more that man today than you ever were - warts and all...
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Shrek : [to Donkey] For five minutes, could you not be yourself? FOR FIVE MINUTES!
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[after Shrek, Donkey and Puss stumble upon a factory with multi-colored smokestacks]
Donkey : Oh, no! That's the old Keebler's place! Let's just walk away slowly.
Puss-in-Boots : That's the Fairy Godmother's cottage. She is the largest producer of hexes and potions in the whole kingdom.
Shrek : So why don't we drop in for a spell? Ha, ha! Spell!
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Princess Fiona : They just want to give us their blessing.
Shrek : Oh, great! Now I need their blessing?
Princess Fiona : Well, if you want to be part of this family, yes.
Shrek : Who said I want to be part of this family?
Princess Fiona : Uh... you did? When you married me?
Shrek : Well, there's some fine print for ya.
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Blind Mouse : [muffled] Pardon me. Would you mind letting me go?
Shrek : What? Puss!
Puss-in-Boots : [spits Blind Mouse out] Sorry, boss.
Shrek : Quit messing around! We've got to stop that kiss!
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Queen : So, Fiona. Tell us about where you live.
Princess Fiona : Well, Shrek owns his own land. Don't you, honey?
Shrek : Yes. It's in an... enchanted forest, abundant in squirrels, and cute little duckies...
Donkey : What?
[laughs]
Donkey : I know you ain't talking about the swamp.
Shrek : Donkey!
King : An ogre from a swamp. How original.
Queen : I guess that will be a fine place to raise the children.
[both Shrek and the King choke; Shrek coughs up his spoon]
Shrek : It's a little early to be thinking about that, isn't it?
King : Indeed! I just started eating.
Queen : Harold!
Shrek : What's that supposed to mean?
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[upon arriving at Far Far Away]
Shrek : We are definitly not in the swamp anymore.
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Fairy Godmother : We have to go. I have to do Charming's hair. You know, he's all high in the front and he can't reach the back. He always needs someone to take care of the back.
Prince Charming : Oh, thank you, Mother.
Donkey : [outside window] Mother?
Shrek : Uh... Mary! A talking horse!
Fairy Godmother : The ogre!
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Shrek : Face it, Donkey. We're lost.
Donkey : We can't be lost. We followed the king's instructions to the letter. What did he say? Go to the deepest, darkest part of the forest.
Shrek : Aye.
Donkey : Go past the sinister-looking trees with the scary-looking branches.
Shrek : Uh-huh.
Donkey : And there's that bush that looks like Shirley Bassey.
Shrek : We passed that bush three times already!
Donkey : Well, I wasn't the one who refused to stop for directions.
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[convincing Donkey to let Puss come with them]
Shrek : How many cats can wear boots? Honestly?...
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Shrek : Puss, do you think you could get up there?
Puss-in-Boots : No prolema, boss - in one of my nine cat lives I was the great cat burglar Santiago de Compostela!
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Princess Fiona : You're acting like a... a...
Shrek : Go on, say it.
Princess Fiona : Like an ogre!
Shrek : Well, guess what? Whether your parents like it or not, I *am* an ogre!
[roars at the dog to shut it up]
Shrek : And guess what, princess? That's not about to change.
Princess Fiona : I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that.
[she leaves]
Donkey : That's real smooth, Shrek. "I'm an ogre! Arrr!"
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King : So I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be...
Shrek : Ogres! Yes!
Queen : Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold?
King : Oh, no, no. Of course not! That's assuming you don't eat your own young!
Princess Fiona : Dad!
Shrek : Oh, no, we usually prefer the ones who have been locked away in a tower!
Princess Fiona : Shrek, please!
King : I only did that because I love her!
Shrek : Oh, aye! Daycare or dragon-guarded castle!
King : You wouldn't understand that you're not her father!
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Shrek : Hi. I'm here to see...
Receptionist : The Fairy Godmother? I'm sorry, she's not here right now.
Fairy Godmother : [on intercom] Jerome! Coffee and a Monte Cristo! Now!
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Shrek : TGIF, eh, buddy? Working hard or hardly working, eh, mac?
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Shrek : Fiona's father paid you to do this?
Puss-in-Boots : The rich king? Sí.
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Fairy Godmother : What in Grimm's name are you doing here?
Shrek : It seems that Fiona is not at all happy.
Fairy Godmother : Oh, and is there any question as to why that is? Let's explore that, shall we?
[looks over her bookshelf]
Fairy Godmother : Let's see... P-p-p-p-p, Princess. Cinderella... Handsome prince, lived happily ever after... oh, no ogres! Sleeping Beauty... handsome prince, no ogres. Thumbelina, no! Handsel and Gretel, no! The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty Woman... no, no, no, no, NO! You see, ogres don't live happily ever after...
Shrek : Alright! Look, lady...
Fairy Godmother : DON'T YOU POINT THOSE DIRTY GREEN SAUSAGES AT ME!
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Queen : Harold!
Princess Fiona : Shrek!
Shrek : Fiona!
King : Fiona!
Princess Fiona : Mom!
Princess Fiona : Harold!
Donkey : Donkey!
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Princess Fiona : [burps] Excuse me
Shrek : Better out than in, i always say ay, Fiona
[Fiona and Shrek both giggle]
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Shrek : Aww, come one, Donkey, look at him, in his wee lil' boots! I mean, how many cats can wear boots? Honestly?
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Shrek : Do you still know the Muffin Man?
Gingerbread Man : Sure, he's down on Drury Lane. Why?
Shrek : Because we're going to need flour. Lots and lots of flour.
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Fairy Godmother : It's time to stop living in a fairy tale, Shrek. She's a princess, and you're an ogre. That's something no amount of potion is ever going to change.
Shrek : But I love her.
Fairy Godmother : If you really love her... you'll let her go.
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[Shrek, Donkey, Puss and the gang arrive at the Royal Ball just in time to try to prevent Prince Charming from kissing Fiona]
Shrek : Hey, YOU! Back away from my wife!
