Clone High (2002–2003)

Christopher Miller: JFK, Vice Principal Mr. Butlertron

Photos 

Quotes 

• JFK : Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys.

  [car flips over] 

• JFK : Do you mind? Some of us are trying to nail Catherine the Great here... Or should I say Catherine the So-So?

• Mr. Butlertron : I'm sorry, Wesley, you have ADD.

  Gandhi : Am I... dying?

  Mr. Butlertron : No, you have ADD - Attention deficit disorder, also you have ADHD, its hyperactive cousin.

• JFK : Ask not what your student body president can do for you... Ask what you can do to your student body president's body.

• JFK : I'm a Kennedy. I'm not accustomed to tragedy.

• Mr. Butlertron : Are you A: handsome; B: smart; C: scrap metal; or D: all of the above?

  Scangrade : That's easy! I'm A and B. But not C... So I can't be all of the above, but... you can't fill in two ovals! Noooooooo!

  [explodes] 

  Mr. Butlertron : The answer is C... you fuckwad.

• Mr. Butlertron : What would the real Joan of Arc have done?

  Joan of Arc : She would have stood up and told them how she felt. Then she would have been burned at the stake. But what are the chances of that happening again? He, he.

  Mr. Butlertron : Thirty-eight percent.

• JFK : Hey baby, want a corsage? 'Cause I got a delicate flower for ya... in my pants!

• [sitting at a table booth with some ladies] 

  JFK : This is a very tough time for me, without Cleo I'm a broken man. Hey, let's all go swimming in my pool, and by pool I mean bath tub, and by swimming, I mean *sex*.

• JFK : Ponce, wake up. I know you're not really dead. Stand up or I'll sock you one.

  [punches Ponce de Leon] 

  JFK : Oh, my God, I just killed my dead friend!

• JFK : Hey, you! Half Pint, Junior Mint, Pipsqueak, Tiny Tim, Yardstick, Snack Pack, Wee Fella, Brown Leprechaun.

  Gandhi : Are you talking to me?

• JFK : Are uh you drunk enough to sleep with me?

  [Joan of Arc kicks JFK in the face] 

  JFK : Answer the question.

• JFK : I didn't see it coming either. And by 'it,' I mean ME.

• [Principal Scudworth is seeking funding for his evil side-project, "Cloney Island"] 

  Mr. Butlertron : Perhaps you could get Clone High a corporate sponsor. Those Pumas were rather fresh.

  Scudworth : Sell out? And turn the school into some profit-hungry corporation? (Beat) Why, that idea's as foolish as getting new brakes from anywhere but Midas.

• JFK : Holy Toledo. They're fighting in their skivvies.

• Gandhi : Shut up!

  JFK : You shut up!

  Gandhi : Nooo... you shut up!

  JFK : [gasping]  Did you just tell me to shut up?

  Gandhi : I did.

  JFK : Shut up!

• Mr. Butlertron : Penny for your thoughts.

  Joan of Arc : Oh, Mr. Butlertron, I wanted... I mean my friend wanted to show girls could do anything boys can. But in the process, she ended up hurting the one boy she loves most.

  Mr. Butlertron : "Your friend" should listen to her heart. I'm not programmed to wink but if I were programmed to wink I would have winked when I said "your friend".

• JFK : Forget it, kid. No dry porking for you.

  Gandhi : (forces himself to undergo a JFK-like transformation) Fowah suppah I want a pawtty plattah.

  JFK : Wait a minute! Throw some 'er's and 'uh's in there. What's your hurry?

• Scangrade : Behold. I am SCANGRADE.

  Shadowy figure : Yes, after 50 years of standardized testing his power will be so great he'll...

  Scangrade : Take over the world. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

  Mr. Butlertron : Oh yeah what a great (beep)cking ideeeeeeeeeea.

  Scudworth : Mr. B. Language.

• Scudworth : Real mature, Mr. Jerkatron.

  Mr. Butlertron : Oh Wesley. At least I'm not a pompous china dog whose evil plans suck the devils ASS. That's right WESLEY. Find yourself a new best FRIEND.

• JFK : Hark! That sounds like the gentle knock of a vulnerable teenage girl.

  [door opens; Joan is standing in the rain] 

  JFK : You're wet. Allow me to dry you off... with my pants!

• Joan of Arc : Ugh! Why do guys always go for giggly, vapid sluts?

  JFK : Hark! I just heard a word that starts with an S, ends with an S, and has a "lut" inside. A "lut" of me!