Dragnet (2003–2004)

Ed O'Neill: Lt. Joe Friday

Photos 

Quotes 

• Det. Joe Friday : You have the right to remain silent, so do it!

• Det. Joe Friday : You know why cops serve arrest warrants at six AM? Because people are sleepy and stupid, full of attitude.

• Det. Joe Friday : [narration]  They come out in force, the press. A celebrity gets murdered, the world goes crazy with curiosity. In a way we're like the ancient Greeks, we need our gods to be human. We need to know bad things happen to them too. Just like the rest of us.

• Det. Joe Friday : So, more jail time and we'll have to get animal control to come down here and euthanize these little fluff balls.

  Alice : What?

  Det. Frank Smith : So sad.

• Det. Frank Smith : The guy sure did know how to live... when he was alive.

  Det. Joe Friday : Don't eat the dead guys candy, Smith!

• Greg : My lawyer's gonna eat you.

  Det. Joe Friday : You ever notice how many people claim their lawyers eat human flesh?

  Det. Frank Smith : Might be a cult thing.

• Det. Frank Smith : This city owes me a new pair of Italian ankle boots.

  Det. Joe Friday : Yeah, Italian by way of Taiwan.

• Det. Joe Friday : Next time you want to make the news, step in front of a bus.

• Det. Joe Friday : Be polite? I am polite! What does she think I'm gonna do, pee in a wastebasket?

  Det. Frank Smith : I heard you did that once.

• Det. Joe Friday : There's a word for that woman. Unfortunately, that word is not in my vocabulary.

• Det. Joe Friday : If your client tells us you advised him to lie, I'll be at your disbarment hearing.

• Det. Joe Friday : I'm on a budget. I'm not buying a story that changes every day.