Raising Helen (2004)

Joan Cusack: Jenny Portman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Audrey Davis : [Jenny bursts into the motel room]  Aunt Jenny? What are you doing here? How did you find me?

  Jenny Portman : You have ten seconds to get your things together and get in the car.

  Jenny Portman : [to BZ who has just come out of the bathroom]  Stay! Ten...

  Audrey Davis : You're not my mother, if you haven't noticed.

  Jenny Portman : No. But I love you very much, and I will be your worst nightmare if you don't get in that car now. Seven, six...

  BZ : But we're not ready to go yet.

  Jenny Portman : Oh, you're not ready? Well... Well, are you ready for this?

  [Jenny who is pregnant motions to her stomach] 

  Jenny Portman : I don't think so. Are you ready to be a parent? I don't think so.

  Jenny Portman : [to Audrey]  Four, three...

  Audrey Davis : Are you happy? You just ruined my entire life.

  Jenny Portman : Well, we'll fix it later. Two...

  [back to BZ] 

  Jenny Portman : You.

  BZ : Chill out, Mommy.

  Jenny Portman : Hey.

  BZ : It's all good.

  Jenny Portman : [cutting in]  Don't you talk to me like that.

  BZ : It's just a prom.

  Jenny Portman : [cutting in more]  You listen to me. If you ever so much as blink in her direction again, I can and will bury you so far in the ground that the heat from the earth's core will incinerate your sorry ass. Do you understand me?

  BZ : Yes, ma'am.

  Jenny Portman : By the way, you're not a bad person. But this is very bad behavior. Very bad behavior.

• Jenny Portman : I'd rather sleep in a field, crazy man.

• Jenny Portman : You know what they say: it's not over 'til the fat lady swings.

• Jenny Portman : Housekeeping.

  BZ : We're already asleep. Could you come back in the morning, please?

• Jenny Portman : [Being kicked by her unborn child]  Ooh, ooh! Sweetie, what did mommy say about kicking while she's having a conversation? You need to wait until she's finished. Thank you very much.

  Helen Harris : Did you just boss around the unborn?

  Jenny Portman : It's never too early to learn good manners.

• Jenny Portman : [as she examines the new apartment]  I bet this is lead paint. Guys. Guys, guys. Don't chew on the windowsills, all right?

  Helen Harris : Yeah. Stick to the table legs like I taught you.

• Helen Harris : It's like they've never seen a dress before!

  Jenny Portman : No, they've just never seen a half of a dress.

• Lindsay Davis : Who's this? This is Jenny?

  Jenny Portman : Yes.

  Lindsay Davis : And I wonder what it is. It must be...

  Lindsay Davis , Helen Harris : [in unison]  Potpourri.

  Jenny Portman : No. You're all wrong. It's not potpourri. It's a make-your-own potpourri kit.