Cathy's Valentine (1989 TV Movie)
Rob Paulsen: Irving
Quotes
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Irving : Everyone knows the first rule of being a valentine is compromise. You can open one of your stupid magazines.
[he and Cathy disappear behind her counter, smooching]
Cathy Andrews : [tossing one of her magazines on the counter top] I already did.
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Cathy Andrews : [peeking out from behind a snow-woman, inviting him to have lunch with her] Yoo-hoo! Handsome!
Irving : Ah, I see you've been to the therapist again, Cathy.
Cathy Andrews : Wanna help me unthaw?
Irving : You always act like a lunatic after you've been to the shrink.
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Irving : [as he approaches Cathy's house with his valentine gift for her; to himself] Cathy, I'm sorry - no, no, no, no. Happy Valentine's, my darling - nah, nah, that's ridiculous, no, no...
[rings Cathy's doorbell]
Irving : Cathy, you look so beautiful today. You're...
[he opens the door to reveal that Cathy is not yet dressed, much to his surprise]
Irving : You're not even dressed yet; we're gonna be late!
Cathy Andrews : I've been dressed eleven times already; it's not my fault you got here in between outfits!
Irving : Well, hurry up; we're gonna have to take your car, I'm out of gas.
Cathy Andrews : Again? Will you see if my keys are out there somewhere?
Irving : What? Aw, don't tell me we have to start the key search again!
Cathy Andrews : Irving, if you'd be willing to commit to more than two gallons of gas at a time, we wouldn't *have* to search for my keys all the time.
Irving : If you put your keys on the counter like a *normal* person, I wouldn't have to stock up on gas every time I saw ya!
Cathy Andrews : Irving, call a cab!
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Irving : [bringing out a handful of cords for Cathy's stereo] Surprise!
Cathy Andrews : [slightly disappointed] Oh.
Irving : [chuckles, then begins hooking up the cords] I've figured out how to wire this right to your cable!
Cathy Andrews : Irving, I thought - you know, you wanted to do something romantic.
Irving : Are you kidding? Look at this: I've got splinters, cable links...
Cathy Andrews : [flirtatiously] You know, curl up on the couch, and...
Irving : Needlenose pliers!
Cathy Andrews : [getting irritated] Irving? Romantic?
Irving : What do you call this?
Cathy Andrews : [scoffs exasperatingly] I want a kiss, not digitized sound.
Irving : [also scoffing] Why is it that things have to go ex-actly by the rules of your - stupid "Romance of the Month" books, so they don't count, huh?
Cathy Andrews : Why are *you* so afraid of involvement you hide behind stuff all the time?
Irving : [holding up the cords] I got this *stuff* for you!
Cathy Andrews : Gizmos, newspapers, remote controls, how am I supposed to get close to you, huh?
Irving : Close? Who's the one who locks herself in the bathroom in the middle of a date to study magazine articles?
Cathy Andrews : I'm researching how to hold a man's hand when it's always full of *stuff*!
Irving : Yet, you don't even want to deal with the real person.
Cathy Andrews : Real men don't think cable splinters are romantic gifts!
Irving : Just - just forget it, Cathy, okay? I'm sick of being the perfect guy just to get yelled at!
[heads for the door]
Cathy Andrews : Take your needlenose pliers with you!
Irving : [putting his jacket on] Fine! And we're not coming back!
Cathy Andrews : [as Irving closes the door] Fine!
Cathy Andrews : [almost reentering] Except we have to go to Ross's wedding on Valentine's Day! We have a commitment!
Cathy Andrews : Fine!
[Irving leaves]
-
Irving : [in the cab on the way to Ross and Lisa's wedding] Sorry.
Cathy Andrews : Me, too.
Irving : [sarcastically] You have to pay for the cab; I didn't bring any cash.
Cathy Andrews : I didn't bring any cash, either.
Irving : What do you *mean* you didn't bring any cash? You have a ten pound purse with you.
Cathy Andrews : This is a dainty evening bag; cash would make the sides bulge out.
Irving : What are you hauling to a wedding that might be more useful than a $10 bill?
Cathy Andrews : You have fifteen pockets in your clothes; you don't have room for money?
Irving : [sarcastically handing Cathy's valentine gift to her] I spent all my cash on your valentine, darling.
Cathy Andrews : [sarcastically handing Irving's valentine gift to him] I spent six hours rewrapping your valentine, dearest, and I'm not accepting one in a store bag that you just grabbed on the way over.
Irving : WHAT? Does it give rules in your stupid books for how a gift has to be wrapped, or it doesn't count, too?
Cathy Andrews : You're supposed to at least take off the price tag!
Irving : Ha!
Cathy Andrews : Ha!
Cab Driver : Uh, that'll be $4.85.
Irving , Cathy Andrews : HA!
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Cathy Andrews : You just used the word "we" three times in a row without choking.
Irving : And you just had a four minute conversation without falling asleep or screaming.