Madea's Family Reunion (2002 Video)

Tyler Perry: Madea

Quotes 

• Mable "Madea" Simmons : [singing]  Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top, we're going to the clinic to find out who was on top.

• Mable "Madea" Simmons : [about her sister, Irene who died]  She slept with my husband and I hope she on a slow boat to Hell.

• Mable "Madea" Simmons : See this

  [Touches her dress] 

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : ? Cotton. This

  [Touches Vickie's jacket] 

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : . A mess. This

  [Touches Vickie's hair] 

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : . Synthetic. Learn ya fabrics baby, learn ya fabrics.

• Mable "Madea" Simmons : [to Cora]  Whoever heard of putting a bra on a dead body? When I die... if you put a bra on me I'll come back and kill you.

• Mable "Madea" Simmons : [about Cora]  She was a big baby, it was like trying to pass a Cadillac, I almost named her Escalade.

  Jackie : Escalade?

• Leroy Brown : Mable You Look, Ooh, Mable You Look, You Look Like A Fat Energizer Bunny

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : And Brown you look, you look, you look like a rotten fruit roll-up.

• Mable "Madea" Simmons : [to Ronnie]  You put a hand on her, I'm going to jail.

• Tina : When you going back to work, cuz I need my money.

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : What you talking about?

  Tina : [to Jackie]  Girl you stupid, you know that money you give Kevin every week for his child support, baby that money comes to me, I'm the baby's mama!

  Jackie : What're you talking about?

  Tina : This is Kevin's baby, add it up, she 7 months, add 9 to that and you'll see that I got pregnant right around the time that y'all got married.

• Mable "Madea" Simmons : [to Tina's baby]  You's a ugly little baby, yes you is.

• Cora : [Madea holds the baby's middle and lets the head drop]  Hold her head!

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : This a crack baby, can't nothing hurt her.

  [bumps the baby's head against the house siding] 

  Cora : Ow! Madea!

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : She allright, she ain't crying, she ain't crying.

• Leroy Brown : [Brown comes out with only a towel and a shower cap on]  Mable? Where Mable at? Mable?

  Cora : Mr. Brown! Calm down!

  Leroy Brown : Ain't no calm you ain't go be shootin at my dog again! Mable!

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : Brown what the?

  [Madea laughs continuously] 

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : Brown what the hell is wrong with you get out my yard. I don't know who got alzheimer's you or your wife? You look a mess! Get the hell outta my yard

  Leroy Brown : You better stop messin-

  [gets cut off by madea] 

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : You better get the hell outta my yard monkey!

  Leroy Brown : You know what! Imma call the police on you!

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : Do i look like I'm scared of the po po Brown? Call the po po, I aint scared of the po po!

  Leroy Brown : You got one more time you big ol nasty whale.

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : You the one standing there lookin like a BIG BLACK SEAL.

  [Starts making seal noises] 

  Leroy Brown : Mable, you better not fool wit my dog again. Take this boot and bust you upside yo head wit it.

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : Thats a baoot in ya hand I thought it was your arm!

  [Madea starts laughing continuously] 

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : Brown, you so black I would shoot ya but your skin just teflon, ain't no bullet go get through it.

  Leroy Brown : You ain't got now another time.

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : Just get the hell outta my yard you pig in a blanket! Go put some lotion on them knee caps!

  Leroy Brown : Ain't nuttin' wrong with my knees, you stink anyway.

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : You the one that's mursty - I can smell you over here.

• Mable "Madea" Simmons : Cora, these gifts pertain to the wedding night. Gifts pertain to the wedding night.

  Cora : Yes, Yes

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : See thats why I ain't pay for no highly paid stripper cuz they wouldnt know what to do. These gifts pertain to the wetting night you understand?

  Cora : Yes

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : Bachelorette parties, get those kinds of gifts, understand?

  Cora : Yes

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : Ok, now why did you buy her a Holy Bible?

• Mable "Madea" Simmons : [Brown's going to take a shower]  Big Boy can't wear no deodorant, he'll make Speed Stick slow down, make Right Guard turn left, and make Secret, tell it all!

• Mable "Madea" Simmons : Brown, the spirits speak to me too. They tell me you have not been fasting, but instead you have been eating fast food!

• Mable "Madea" Simmons : I need a monkey wrench.

  Vickie : [looks at Madea's shopping list]  Madea... that is a feminine hygiene product.

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : I don't know what you wrench your monkey with but that's what I wrench mine with.

• Mable "Madea" Simmons : [confronts Lisa's boyfriend who's been beating her]  As soon as you walked in through that gate, you entered America. This is America, I'm George Bush,

  [holds up purse] 

  Mable "Madea" Simmons : and I got more weapons than the Taliban right here.