Arrested Development (2003–2019)

John Michael Higgins: Wayne Jarvis

Quotes 

• Michael : Are you serious?

  Wayne Jarvis : Almost always. I was once voted the worst audience participant Cirque Du Soleil ever had.

• Wayne Jarvis : I have a picture taken by a traffic camera of you escorting your father.

  [hands it to Michael] 

  Barry Zuckerkorn : Are you sure these aren't balls? Because last time, they were balls.

  Barry Zuckerkorn : [Barry is handed the picture of Michael and George Sr. in the stair car]  I really wish they were balls.

• Michael : My mother is opposed to the idea of hiring a new attorney. She'll probably refuse to enter the room if she sees you.

  Wayne Jarvis : I shall hide behind the couch.

  [and he does just that] 

  Michael : Guy's a pro.

• Lucille : You idiots. If your father sees me here with Wayne...

  Michael : ...we'll be stuck with Barry.

  Wayne Jarvis : I shall hide behind that garbage car.

  [and does just that] 

  Michael : Guy's a pro.

• Barry Zuckerkorn : Those are the pictures?

  Wayne Jarvis : They're all over the news.

  Barry Zuckerkorn : [scrutinizes]  Those are balls.

  Wayne Jarvis : What?

  Narrator : Barry was right. Tobias had inadvertently photographed himself in the bathtub while trying to figure out his new cell phone.

• Michael : Why haven't you talked to my brother, the new President of the company?

  Wayne Jarvis : We did earlier. He claims to know nothing.

  Michael : Well, that's not an act. He twice tried to heat up a Ding-Dong in a microwave while it was still in its tinfoil.

  Wayne Jarvis : Twice?

  Michael : Two times.