Rescue Me (2004–2011)
Denis Leary: Tommy Gavin
Photos
Quotes
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Tommy Gavin : Let me tell you something, sister, you serve two purposes in this house - you can give me a blow job or make me a sandwich. I'm not in the mood for head and I had a late breakfast, so you're shit out of luck.
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Tommy Gavin : Who was that?
Sean Garrity : [on the phone with Tommy's sister, Maggie] Oh, nobody.
Tommy Gavin : You don't really need a phone to talk to "nobody".
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Tommy Gavin : Listen, you can meet a guy's ex-girlfriend in a bar and feel her up.
Kenny Lou : Yes.
Tommy Gavin : You can be in a bar, meet a guy's ex-wife, and?
Kenny Lou : [makes circular gestures on his chest] Titty action.
Tommy Gavin : Titty action. You can even grab his sister's ass while the guy is in the same bar.
Kenny Lou : Yes you could.
Tommy Gavin : And it would all fall under the giant unbrella rule of, "Sorry, I was drunk."
Kenny Lou : Like Visa and Mastercard, accepted the world over.
Tommy Gavin : In fact, that's why the rule was invented all those years ago, by the... Romans?
Kenny Lou : Earlier than that, my friend: the Druids!
Tommy Gavin : [counting on his fingers] But girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, wife, ex-wife, sister, half-sister:
[sweeps his hands]
Tommy Gavin : No pussy!
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Tommy Gavin : The harder I work, the luckier I goddamned get.
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Tommy Gavin : Bless me father for I sinned... and so have you.
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Uncle Teddy : [in Tommy's house, the kitchen is an absolute mess] Hey, Tommy! Check it out! I made chili tonight!
Tommy Gavin : Yeah, no shit. What did ya do, mix it with a goddamn shotgun?
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Tommy Gavin : When I was growing up, I had Sister Mary Shovel Face in school... you get Sharon Stone.
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Angie : Oh no.
Tommy Gavin : What?
Angie : My ex. He's outside. I can't believe it, this guy won't let it go!
Tommy Gavin : How did he even know we were here?
Angie : I told you he follows me around.
Tommy Gavin : All right. I'm gonna put an end to this right now.
Angie : Tommy...
[Tommy gets up]
Angie : I'm telling you, Sebastian's crazy!
Tommy Gavin : His name is Sebastian?
Sebastian : Yeah.
Tommy Gavin : I think I can handle it.
[Scene change: outside of the restaurant]
Tommy Gavin : [to Sebastian] Hey asshole!
Sebastian : [Nervously drops his keys and picks them back up again] I know who you are! She's mine, she loves me!
Tommy Gavin : I got news for you, pal! She doesn't love you, she hates your guts, and I'm gonna tell you somethin' else. Next time you come around, I'm not calling the cops. I'm gonna kick your midget little ass myself. OK, "Sebastian"?
Sebastian : OK, OK. That would be the next time you have the balls to take her out on a date! You got that?
Tommy Gavin : Really?
Sebastian : Yeah!
Tommy Gavin : Really?
[Makes threatening motion towards Sebastian, and Sebastian drives off]
Angie : He's leaving?
Tommy Gavin : Yeah. By the way, this guy's tiny. I've taken bigger shits than this guy.
Angie : I'm telling you, Tommy.
Tommy Gavin : He knows kung-fu. Woooh, I'm scared.
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Coroner : Um... she's dead. Her neck is broken. Died instantly.
Tommy Gavin : I was just talking to her!
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Uncle Teddy : [after a suicide attempt] Is this heaven?
Tommy Gavin : No, it's my *garage*!
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Tommy Gavin : [to Garrity, referring to his daughter Colleen, who had come out in a t-shirt and panties during a call] This does NOT go in the spank bank, understand?
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Tommy Gavin : There's no golden ring at the end of the ride... it's all bullshit.
