Jak II (2003 Video Game)

Max Casella: Daxter

Quotes 

• Jak : Where would you be without me, eh Dax?

  Daxter : Well, I probably wouldn't be 2 feet tall, fuzzy, and running in a sewer without any pants... God, I miss pants.

• Pecker : Onin welcomes you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... the usual boring salutations. She says it is good to see you again, Jak.

  Jak : But we've never met before.

  Pecker : Before... after... it is all the same.

  Daxter : Oh! Oh! Let me try! Aaah... she wants a... She wants a yakow bone! A yakow bladder! No... no... I got it! For many moons... she has... waited for... a juice pop? A jewel shop? Oh... oh... I know, she's got a hairball? A hair lip? A hairy chest?

• [Krew is telling Jak to enter a big race] 

  Krew : Uh, and your contract, with just a few trifles for me. I've ah, already signed your name to save time, mmmmmnn.

  [Daxter grabs the contract and starts reading quickly] 

  Daxter : We the racers hereby agree to give Krew all proceeds from race earnings, endorsement fees, broadcast royalties, syndications residuals, vehicle sponsorships, mall appearance fees, collectible card assets, fast-food tie-ins, use of likeness rights, talk show deals, clothing lines, all print rights including book, novella, comic, pamphlet, tickertape, neon sign and bathroom graffiti designs,

  [inhales deeply] 

  Daxter : toy rights, shoe lines, mood rings, game rights.

  [Daxter stops and looks at the camera] 

  Daxter : GAME RIGHTS?

  [Daxter looks back at the contract] 

  Daxter : Vitamin endorsements, city kickbacks, movie deals, and of course, all death and dismemberment accident insurance claims.

  Krew : Heh heh heh... we can work out the tiny details later.

• [after Krew gives Jak a mission in the sewers] 

  Jak : Great, more mucking in the mud...

  Daxter : I hate to burst your bathtub bubbles baby, but that ain't just mud down there.

• Daxter : So there I was, toe to toe with FIVE of the nastiest Metal Heads you ever saw! Slime oozing from monstrous jaws! Teeth sharper than daggers! Slowly, all TEN of 'em surround me. But do I surrender? No! I summon my highly trained killer instincts, and pounce! Hya! Chooy! Whaa! HAA! And when the dust cleared, there were TWENTY less Metal Heads in the world!

  Tess : Ohhh, Daxter you're amazing!

  Daxter : Yeah, I know.

• Jak : Kor! What's going on?

  Kor : I'm sure you know! Deep down in your darkest nightmares! We've met before, remember.

  [to Praxis] 

  Kor : Everything is going exactly as planned.

  Daxter : [as Kor transforms]  Jak! It's the metal head leader!

  Kor : Now you see! Without the shield walls corrupting my powers inside the city, I am my full potential now! So for the last time, give me the Precursor Stone!

  Baron Praxis : If the city must die, then we all die!

• Pecker : Listen tiny tail, I was leading my hundredth flock south before you had fur one between your legs! Not that your fur means anything!

  Daxter : At least I'm not some over stuffed, over yappin', feather dusty mouthpiece for the world's oldest professional! Jak says, 'have a nice day.' Jak says, 'I can't think on my own.' Jak says 'Go bite yourself!'

  Pecker : That's it, rat boy! Now you've really pissed me off!

• Daxter : If I had the Precursor Stone, with all that power, I'd use it to build a giant palace. A palace with the biggest harem of women the world has ever known, and there'd be a swimming pool filled to the brim with chocolate... slightly minty... yeah, yeah, a massive pool of gooey chocolate! Then the girls and I would jump in together...

• Kor : Finally, you've decided to join us and you brought the Precursor Stone. Good. The boy will now play his final part.

  Jak : Not this time.

  Kor : Oh, but this child is such a part of this! Such a part of you! Don't you recognize him? The boy is you, Jak! And this place... this is where you began, in the future!

  Jak : But how...?

  Kor : You were hidden in the past on the hope that you would gain the skills to face me today. But Onin was wrong! Now that you've been altered with Dark Eco, the stone will never open for you. Your younger self, however, still has the pure gift! He alone can awaken the Stone and the Precursor entity, which sleeps inside!

  Jak : This stone is a Precursor?

  Kor : The last Precursor egg! Mar was clever. He covered his tracks well through time, hiding his last egg from me, and building the shield and city to defend it! It has been a long siege. But today, I will finally feed on the last Precursor Life Force!

  Daxter : Ah, I think you're forgetting one little thing, Metalo-Maniac! We've got the Precursor Stone!

  Kor : Not for long!

• Daxter : [to Krew about job]  Let me guess. Dark, murky water? Smells worse than your breath at an oyster fest? Fuller o' Metal Heads than your plate at a one-pass buffet? And of course, weapons more lethal than your ever so "tighty wighties" on a hot summer day?

  Jak : We're not doing anything until you tell us why the Baron is giving eco to the Metal Heads?

  Krew : [angry]  I should have you both knee-capped, ay?

• Krew : What is that awful smell?

  Daxter : Great! We do your dirty work, and end up smelling worse than a wet hip hog in a warm barn.

  Krew : No, I think it was my lunch, actually.

• Daxter : Hey, Tattooed Wonder, how come we get all the crappy missions?

  Torn : Because I... don't... like... you!

• Vin : Oh, friendlies? Oh, thank goodness! We... so... whe... where's the army?

  Daxter : Ah... we're it.

  Vin : What? Just you two?What do they think I'm worth?

  Jak : I'm beginning to wonder that myself.

• Ashelin : Who the hell are you two?

  Daxter : Mmm, I do love a woman in uniform. Wanna bark some orders at me? Woof woof! I'm your soldier on the front lines of love! Waiter, foxhole for two!

  Ashelin : Keep talking and I'll raise your voice a couple of octaves.

• Sig : You know, my momma used to read me bedtime stories about Mar when she'd tuck me in. She'd give me a nice glass of warm yakow milk... and my little Poopsy bear.

  Daxter : Bedtime stories? Warm milk? Poopsy bear? Buddy, ya just blew yer image!

• Samos the Sage : Today's the big day, Jak. I hope you are prepared, for whatever happens.

  Keira : I think I figured out most of this machine. It interacts somehow with that large Precursor Ring. I just hope we didn't break anything moving it here to the lab.

  Daxter : Easy for you to say! We did all the heavy lifting!

• Kor : Hello strangers. My name is Kor. May I help...

  Jak : You look like a reasonably smart man. I want information! Where the Hell am I?

  Daxter : Aaah... sorry! He's new to the whole conversation thing.

  Kor : Well, my angry young friend, you are a 'guest' of his 'majesty' Baron Praxis, the ruler of 'glorious' Haven City.

  Jak : I was just a 'guest' in the good Baron's prison.

  Kor : Inside a cell or inside the city... walls surround us both. We are all his prisoners.

  [Krimzon Guards approach] 

  Kor : Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'd move on if I were you.

  Krimzon Guard : By order of his eminence, the Grand Protector of Haven City, Baron Praxis, everyone in this section is hereby under arrest for suspicion of harboring underground fugitives. Surrender and die!

  Daxter : Aaah, excuse me sir, don't you mean surrender, OR DIE?

  Kor : Not in this city! Protect us from these guards, and I'll introduce you to someone who could help you!

• Daxter : Don't say it. Don't even chuckle! Next time, *you* turn the valve.

• Daxter : This place has too much excitement. We need to move back to the country!

• Krew : You boys are turning out to be quite useful, ey? Mmm, I have another task for you. The Sewers used to be a fabulous smuggling route for me before the Baron installed security devices.

  Daxter : And before those late night snack runs kept you from fitting out the front door.

• Daxter : Is that... Is that... No, it couldn't be... that's not...

  Jak : It's Samos's Hut.

  Daxter : But... What?... How?... When?... Where?... Why?

  Jak : We're in the future, Dax... This... horrible place... is... our... world!

• Samos the Sage : Good work, Jak! And... Daxter, I suppose. Before we came through the rift long ago, I was nurturing that Life Seed from the Great Tree. It seems the Metal Heads are attracted to its power. Take the seed to Onin now. She will prepare it for Samos.

  Daxter : You mean you?

  Samos the Sage : No, the other me, Daxter? My younger self needs the seed's power to become... sagely.

  Daxter : So... let me get this straight. It's fair to say that by bringing your younger self the life seed now, we helped you become the sage you are today? We helped you get your powers in the first place. And you never thanked us?

  Samos the Sage : Thank you Daxter... now go do it!

• Brutter : Now Metal Heads find hidden Lurker village in caves! They bite, and hurt village real bad, and we Lurker brothers trapped like animals!

  Daxter : Ah, hello, they are animals.

  Brutter : We no longer evil-lurking, bad-to-bones, orangey boy! We good now. Metal Headers are bad. They is enemies.

  Jak : Yeah, I guess we're all in the same boat now.

  Daxter : And the ship is sinking fast, brother.

  Brutter : Please, save six Lurker brothers quick, and Brutter will kiss you foots!

• Brutter : Lurker balloons are finest lifters in the world, but they is easy target.

  Jak : Right. You guys get the Rift Rider to the nest. I'll stay and defend your take-off and get away.

  Daxter : Once again, being your friend SUCKS! I wanna go on the balloon!