Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story (2005 Video)

Alex Borstein: Lois Griffin, Tricia Takanawa, Vanessa, Condoleezza Rice, Additional Voices

Quotes 

• Lois Griffin : [drunkenly]  When I heard... when I heard... that we were going to be in a movie, I was like, "Fuck yeah!"

• Stew Griffin : [after having sex with Fran]  Um... that's never happened before.

  Fran : Which part? The eight seconds of sex or the 45 minutes of crying?

  Stew Griffin : Uh, I guess both.

  [pause] 

  Stew Griffin : Do I give you money now?

  Fran : Yeah, I'm gonna go.

• Peter Griffin : Kids, your mother and I have decided that we are gonna help you two get out in to dating world.

  Lois Griffin : That's right. Chris, I'm gonna show you how to be an affable, desirable young man who doesn't smell like the inside of a wool hat.

  Chris Griffin : Why you gotta break balls?

  Peter Griffin : And Meg when I get through with you, you're gonna be beating guys off with both hands!

  Meg Griffin : This is gonna be so fun!

  Peter Griffin : Hey! Zip it! Rule number one: No speaky until the *man* speaky to *you*.

• Lois Griffin : [During Intermission]  Hey,Peter,could you go to the concession stand,I need something to suck on.

  Glen Quagmire : Giggidy! Giggidy!

• [on the red carpet at the premiere of the movie] 

  Tricia Takanawa : And here comes David Bowie! David, what brings you all the way to...

  [Bowie puts his finger against her lip] 

  David Bowie : [seductively]  Shh! Just you shut your mouth...

  Tricia Takanawa : [suddenly speaking excitedly with a thick Japanese accent]  OH,MAKE LOVE TO ME, ZIGGY STARDUST!

  [She drops to her knees and clamps onto his leg] 

  Tricia Takanawa : I take you home, I make you fish bowl soup! Fish bowl!

  [cut back to the Channel 5 studio] 

  Tom Tucker : [businesslike]  Thank you, Tricia, for setting your people back a thousand years...

• Chris Griffin : Mom! Look at me!

  [jumps in pool] 

  Chris Griffin : How was that?

  Lois Griffin : Your third somersault was a little sloppy but what do I know, huh? It's been so long since i qualified for the Olympics.

  Chris Griffin : You were in the Olympics?

  Lois Griffin : No, I got pregnant with Meg and couldn't go. Now I'm Pro Choice.

• Tricia Takanawa : Here comes Mayor Adam West himself. Mr. West, do you have any words for our viewers?

  Mayor Adam West : Yes: box, toaster, aluminum, maple syrup- no I take that one back. I'm gonna hold on to that one.

  Tricia Takanawa : Thank you, Mayor West.

• Stewie Griffin : [on top of a shelf; drunk]  Everybody! Everybody! I'm gonna jump! Gonna jump from... Gonna jump... to my high chair!

  Peter Griffin : Stewie can you not interrupt? It grinds my gears when you do that.

  Lois Griffin : Oh! He said it!

  Stewie Griffin : You ready? Can you... Can you see me... gonna jump... gonna ju... jump to my highchair. You watching? Are you? Are you?

  [jumps and misses highchair] 

  Stewie Griffin : Ow! You see me?

• Tricia Takanawa : Tom, I'm standing here admist the heated debate over a recent petition to change the name of the city from San Francisco to something a little less gay.

• Lois Griffin : Peter, this is ridiculous. We have no privacy here. We gotta get those kids outta the house once in a while. I mean, shouldn't they be dating?

  Peter Griffin : Eh, that doesn't solve the problem, Lois. If they start datin', I mean, their rooms are right next to each other. They'll start havin' sex, we'll never get 'em outta the house, and...

  Lois Griffin : No, no, you idiot. I'm taking about them dating other people.

• Peter Griffin : We all know that no women anywhere wants to have sex with anyone and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is just bogus.

  Lois Griffin : Ah, he is so right on. Women are such teases. That's why I went back to men.

• Lois Griffin : [after falling on her hands and knees on the red carpet and visibly intoxicated]  Peter... Get on!

• Lois Griffin : OK Chris. Now that we have practiced kissing and cuddling, we'll practice eating out... at a fancy restaurant.

• Chris Griffin : Mom, Meg reckons Omar Sharif is dead but I think she thinking of Anthony Quinn.

  Lois Griffin : Chris, your father and I are in the tub! And Meg, you are thinking of Anthony Quinn.

• Lois Griffin : [Stewie and Lois are at the Community Pool. Lois is trying to teach Stewie- who is pettrified of the water- how to swim]  Aw, now don't worry Stewie, there's no need to be afraid, it won't bite you!

  Stewie Griffin : SHUT UP! Stupid! What a stupid thing to say! You drown in it you moron! It doesn't have to bite you!