American Dad! (2005– )

Seth MacFarlane: Stan Smith, Roger the Alien, Greg Corbin, Alan Greenspan, Stan Smith as Agent Stan Smith, Bill, Brian Griffin, Future Stan, Glenn Quagmire, God, Greg Corbin as Pedi, Nipple Inmate, Peter Griffin, Reporter, Roger the Alien as Tearjerker, Roger the Alien as Tearjerker & Oscar, Stewie Griffin

Photos 

358 more photos

Quotes 

• Roger the Alien : [after a hallucinogenic meal]  I just don't have the words for it. Schmooblydong. Is that a word?

• Roger the Alien : Don't cry... in front of the fish.

• Roger the Alien : Oh, Staniel!

• Roger the Alien : Oh, Franiel!

• Roger the Alien : [Steve has an electric guitar. Roger has an Octopus, an abacus and a hairdryer]  Your thing looks more interesting

  [throws his stuff away] 

• Stan Smith : You brought Fat into our house!

• Nebraska Kid : Ooh! I love babies! Jesus was a Baby!

  Stan Smith : Yes, he was also a murder victim.

• Football Legend : Stan, I thought the CIA was done with me! I still have the headaches and the nightmares! What happened in Munich? Who did I kill?

  Stan Smith : No, I'm not here about that. It's my kid's birthday!

• Roger the Alien : What is this and how can I replace my Blood with it?

• Gay Neighbour : Women don't ask for much, do they?

  Stan Smith : No, just don't pee in the shower on her birthday, and you're good to go.

• [repeated line] 

  Stan Smith : OOH!

• Stan Smith : Paperclips? Paperclops? Popperclops! Pops that Clop your Poppers!

• Stan Smith : [to George W Bush]  Is it true that you can make Tony Blair do anything you want? Like if you said he had to eat a bug, he'd eat it even if it had lots of legs?

• Stan Smith : It's High School, Steve, it doesn't matter.

  Steve Smith : You said that last time, when's it start to matter?

  Stan Smith : Never.

• Stan Smith : [CIA awards]  But I wouldn't be here if it weren't for my gym teacher Mr Raglan, who taught me everything I know about seduction!

• Roger the Alien : [can't roll an oreo from his navel into his mouth]  Dammit!

• Roger the Alien : Tam, I gotta go, the Boss is being a real Catch you Next Tuesday...

• Stan Smith : These rocks will make a fine raft!

• Roger the Alien : Floor Spaghetti!

  Francine Smith : Floor Spaghetti?

  Roger the Alien : [Floor Spaghetti]  Floor Spaghetti.

• Stan Smith : [to Sexpun T'come]  I'm going over to the Juice Bar. You wouldn't like it, it's not about reliving childhood trauma it's all positive and about Juice.

• Klaus : Am I early for Book Club?

  Roger the Alien : No! You're late! And that's two weeks in a row! You're out!

  Klaus : I didn't read it anyway...

• Roger the Alien : Behind the wheel of every taxi is a sad confused person who lost a bet they didn't understand.

• Stan Smith : [Gatecrashing Heaven]  We're Mormons! We were born dead!

• Roger the Alien : [Old Lady scattering ashes]  Thank you Umar, thank you for showing me I can go on without you! I know what you did to our kids you bastard! Ha! Why can't I leave things nice?

  [credits] 

• Roger the Alien : [Chinese Restaurant Owner]  You Bicyqwuall Delivery Boy!

• Roger the Alien : Let's turn this Country around. Let's make things again.

• Stan Smith : So what? We shoot each other, that's how we communicate in this Family.

• Stan Smith : [convoluted escape ploy]  Look at me! I got my son's ass in the window, my Alien's Dick in the Gas Tank and nothing but the open road in front of me!

  [Service Station] 

  Stan Smith : And here comes God with the Cherry On Top, let's celebrate!

• Stan Smith : A Doctor is just a failed Dentist.

• Roger the Alien : You are resisting my lessons! Now I must slumber, and dream of Spatchcocking T-Rexes with my Childhood Friend, Jean-Baptiste.

• Roger the Alien : What the fuck is a Hufflepuff?

• Angelic Lady Lawyer : We disagree!

  Stan Smith : That's it?

• Roger the Alien : Why are you telling me this?

  Doctor : Because I'm a Doctor! I'm all about the moneymoneymoneymoneymoneymoney

  [jazz hands] 

  Doctor : Money!

• Roger the Alien : I am not losing my Edge!

  Steve Smith : I don't know. You were Ricky Spanish for one week, and all you did was quietly rate Films on IMDB...

• Stan Smith : [meekly, to a waiter]  Hey, could you take away this crap and bring me a real drink before I shoot you in front of all these drunk people?

• Roger the Alien : That's it! It's not a real party until somebody dies!

• Roger the Alien : In a Time of Chimpanzees I was a Monkey!

  Stan Smith : What?

• Roger the Alien : Can a Brother get a "Run Roger!"? Damn it! Got to be all self-runnin' and whatnot...

• Stan Smith : We need to have a talk about point of view. Every villain is the hero of his own cinnamon apple monkey toaster.

• Stan Smith : No-one needs America's Help, until they need it!

• Roger the Alien : You poached my Bear!

• Stan Smith : Son if you ever want to crawl your way out of this Geek Swamp, you're going to have to log some Face Time with the Cool Kids.

• Roger the Alien : Do not fear me, pretty one, though my outward appearance may repulse thee I assure you my intentions are most pure.

• Roger the Alien : Have you read The Tipping Point? I haven't. Perhaps it applies.

• Stan Smith : I want you to come home, Francine, Greg won't stop being snarky!

• Stan Smith : [to a fat kid]  God I want to hit you!

• Stan Smith : Klaus, just be glad you're alone with no family.

• Roger the Alien : Is there anything more terrifying than a hovering Blimp!

• Stan Smith : Got to get worse before it gets better.

• Roger the Alien : Who will feed the Chinchillas?

• Roger the Alien : As a Married Woman, here are your choices for Best Friend: Fat Woman, Cat, Gay Guy, Food...

• Stan Smith : Feed the Chicken!

• Roger the Alien : They said I'd never be good enough for Television! How do you like me now, Voices in my Head?

  [pause] 

  Roger the Alien : There's no pleasing you guys!

• Stan Smith : You know what the best part of my Day is? The five seconds after I wake up, before I remember who I am.

• Roger the Alien : You know, it takes Courage to tell a joke to a group of strangers.

• Roger the Alien : [to Hayley]  Oh, you dear sweet Man-faced Girl...

• Frat Dude : Great Party Roger! Woo!

  Roger the Alien : Aw, people have been spitting on your cracker and calling it cream cheese all your life, haven't they? No, we haven't achieved greatness yet...

• Roger the Alien : [Muslim at the Airport]  I can laugh at that, but you can't or they won't let you on the Plane. It's sad, but that's the World we live in now.

• Roger the Alien : Steve, here's your copy of neglected child Monthly.

• Roger the Alien : Goodnight, you Princes of Ham, you Kings of... Ham.

• Roger the Alien : Does liking horses sound boring?

• Stan Smith : I'm getting incredibly tired of this orgasm.

• Stan Smith : I sure can Pump when I'm full of Ham!

• Roger the Alien : Get a load of this Ham, Stan!

  Stan Smith : That's the Ham!

• Stan Smith : Next year I'll get you to hypnotize my Penis!

• Roger the Alien : I now pronounce you man-fish and wife.

• Roger the Alien : There we are, Hanging Chad. Remember that? From one of the Elections or something?

• Stan Smith : [fly-fishing, tangled up]  Oooh! I got one! Did it hurt your balls when you pulled your one in, Francine?

• Stan Smith : Roger, I need your help!

  Roger the Alien : Sorry, Stan, I'm a duck today. Got a lot of duck-related responsibilities.

• Jeff Fischer : Mr S, can I talk to you about something?

  Stan Smith : Not if I turn on the radio!

• Roger the Alien : Glowstick Dance! Dave, look at me! Our years of Research have finally paid off!

• Stan Smith : Go for the Stanimal!

• Francine Smith : DAMN YOU COCONUT!

  Stan Smith : Is it even worth it anymore? The Carnage? The shattered lives?

  Roger the Alien : We all remember how happy that woman looked drinking out of that Coconut, don't we? So, we'll have to think outside the box.

• Roger the Alien : Stan, are you trying to kill yourself or thrill yourself?

• Roger the Alien : I'm Dr Penguin's Twin Brother by Marriage, Dr Buttblast.

• Roger the Alien : Enough! For now I seek to repose dreamwards, as hardcore Porn blasts on my Samsung Galaxy 9 Plus.

• Roger the Alien : I can't die! Not before Shatner!

• Stan Smith : Jeff, why do you only open your mouth to shit on my dreams?

• Roger the Alien : So you're like an Asylum Guard but with a conscience? You're trying to help us escape or what?

• Stan Smith : This is disgusting, there are Hospital amounts of blood and vomit. Where's the Hollywood glamour?

• Roger the Alien : Rouge can make a guy do crazy things, Steve.

• Roger the Alien : Who ever heard... of a Sad Clown?

• Gay Neighbour : My Mother ran away before I was born.

  Stan Smith : How... . how did she do that?

• Stan Smith : The pain is 100 Tiffany's Boyfriends!

• Stan Smith : To understand the World is to control it!

• Roger the Alien : Are you going to help Hayley out of that Cult?

  Francine Smith : No, she has to get herself out, because...

  Roger the Alien : Benevolent Neglect!

• Stan Smith : You know I only read books I've already read!

• Roger the Alien : God's a He, and He's White.

• Roger the Alien : What's up, my Ninjas?

• Roger the Alien : [Tumescent]  Well, on ya catch the side-flip!

  [Faints] 

• Roger the Alien : Lightshow!

  [Dancing] 

  Roger the Alien : I took a Pill in Ibeeeez-ARGH!

  [Cuts head on Security Laser] 

  Roger the Alien : Stan! Lookit!

• Stan Smith : [Crying in his hotel room, can't decide which socks to wear] 

• Stan Smith : [Pathetic Excuse]  You know how you never learned what Lacrosse is? Well, this is it! This is Lacrosse!

• Roger the Alien : [Smeagol]  We shall lead them through the Tunnel to the Ujenderberger! They goes in but they don'ts comes out!

• Roger the Alien : You Nazi Walrus Bastard!

• Stan Smith : Son, every day with you is a kick in the nads.

• Stan Smith : Steve, why do you make it so hard to Love you?

• Roger the Alien : I'm also a Hypochondriac. My Doctor says that's the one that's going to get me.

• Roger the Alien : [Doctor Penguin]  You should totally kill yourself.

• Stan Smith : Fozzie Bear was the Shah of Iran for five years.

• Roger the Alien : This is the talkiest rape ever!

• Stan Smith : I'm telling you, in those days I was closer to God, flush with money and Healthier than I've ever been in my Life.

• Steve Smith : You are Ben Kenobi to my Luke Skywalker!

  Roger the Alien : I'm going to give you ten seconds to leave that shit out here where it belongs!

• Stan Smith : Whoops! Almost masturbated myself, there...

• Random Grandpa : What's that, a Bugaboo?

  Roger the Alien : Relax, Pops, I'm just the faded memory of the girl you kissed on VJ Day wandering through in search of triskets...

• Stan Smith : Do you know what I like about sex? That bit at the end! That crazy feeling...

• Roger the Alien : I dreamt of Paris again last night...

• Roger the Alien : Pretty sure I asked for Pecan Sandies...

• Roger the Alien : [Megaphone]  You are dying! Your parents and Doctors are lying to you!

• Stan Smith : [Hands a balding Old Lady, in a bodybag, into the CIA in place of Roger]  See how it imitates our Language!

• Roger the Alien : I have to move a lot of cream to meet my year end quotas.

• Roger the Alien : [Fat, black woman persona]  Oh, I know you did not just shush me!

• Roger the Alien : I got some Big Stuff going on!

• Stan Smith : How could he not care? How could he ignore his amazing, gifted daughter?

• Roger the Alien : The Beads are Everything!

• Steve Smith : Why did we have to have this conversation in a Burger King?

  Stan Smith : Because the Economics of Television have changed. Have it your way!

• Stan Smith : Sure he has no-one depending on him, but he has no-one depending on him!

• Stan Smith : Have you seen this kid? I nearly ruined her Summer!

  Strip Club Owner : I ruined the Summers of a lot of girls back in ''Nam, brought 'em here, and now they're totally nude!

  Stan Smith : You Sir are a Patriot, and I Salute you!

• Roger the Alien : Let's just decide to feel Confident.

• Steve Smith : I'm sensitive! It's a desirable quality in some Cultures!

  Stan Smith : In France, maybe, oh my God, go to France!

• Steve Smith : What a bully! I'd like to dress up as a girl, seduce him and then say "Ha! You actually just slept with a boy who hates you!"

  Roger the Alien : Let's just keep that between ourselves and the string of Therapists who won't be able to help you...

• Roger the Alien : You owe me an Underwear!

• Roger the Alien : He committed suicide! He saw a good movie at Cannes and then just wandered off into the woods...

• Roger the Alien : I drove Phyllis Diller to her first three Abortions. She must have such regret never getting a driver's license...

• Stan Smith : Sons have a complicated relationship with their Mothers, especially when they're as attractive as my Mother!

• Stan Smith : Oh God! This is the Gay Call, isn't it? I've been dreading this for years!

  Principal Lewis : No, nothing like it.

  Stan Smith : Ah. Jackson? Antidote!

• Klaus : Stanislavski said Acting was the Grandest Lie!

  Roger the Alien : [Throws Klaus's fishbowl against the Wall] 

• Stan Smith : Do you like Prostitutes, Barry?

• Roger the Alien : [Sign]  Filming in Progress. Do not rescue Screaming Actors.

• Roger the Alien : Dive on in!

• Roger the Alien : [Text]  Ah, never mind, I have COVID.

• Stan Smith : We are six Non-Giraffes looking for a place to eat.

• Stan Smith : Did you see Memento? It's not as good the second time around...

• Roger the Alien : Wow, you really don't mess around down in Clearwater!

• Roger the Alien : [Very drunk, wearing an LED Xmas T-Shirt]  Oh my God, I can see my Heartlight!

• Roger the Alien : Don't say anything mean about my body.

• Roger the Alien : It's been established!

• Roger the Alien : [Listing the USPs of some scheme or other]  Growers will become showers!

• Jeff Fischer : [Giant Pink Moustache] 

  Roger the Alien : Wherever the Comb goes, the Wraith goes! Steal the Comb and you steal the Wraith! It's the only way to break them up...

• Jeff Fischer : I will have the Salman!

  Stan Smith : It's pronounced...

  Jeff Fischer : I SAY SALMAN, AND I WANT IT!

• Stan Smith : Let me try! Ahem! Francine, your hair is like... the Noodles!

• Stan Smith : Ode to Francine. On the Gondala... You move me like I cannot move myself... Oh, I can't finish it!

• Roger the Alien : I am Rub Rub Tuggington, and- Oh my God I had never said that name out loud, I hate it!

• Hayley Smith : It worked! Thank you, Dr Penguin!

  [Runs out] 

  Roger the Alien : Dr Penguin, a great name! Now back to being... Rub Rub...

• Roger the Alien : Cheese and Britta Water? Were you having the

  [Dead] 

  Roger the Alien : Queen over?

• Stan Smith : I want you to see what it's like when a Man at his Peak buys Baked Beans!

• Roger the Alien : I paid out of my ass for this!

• Roger the Alien : Argh, it went into that tiny sinkhole!

  Klaus : I know, I thought it would go into that

  [other] 

  Klaus : one.

• Stan Smith : I can take my Peak and turn it into a Mesa!

• Hayley Smith : Acting is Believing!

  Stan Smith : And Believing the Truth is Easy!

• Stan Smith : We've got Schemer's Block!

• Stan Smith : Write that down as something for next Season. I'm not afraid to tell the Truth!

• Roger the Alien : Long may Scripted Television Reign Supreme!

• Infuriated Chinaman : You askew my mirror...

  Stan Smith : Errr...

  Infuriated Chinaman : I askew your mirror...

  [Askews Stan's Mirror...] 

  Infuriated Chinaman : BALANCE... has been Restored...

  [... and the whole rig falls over a Cliff] 

  Infuriated Chinaman : Ah. That was not my intent! Bye!

• Roger the Alien : That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, I love it! I'm clearing my schedule and following whatever this is for the rest of the day.

• Stan Smith : You went up inside me without my permission! There's a word for people who do that: Parasite!

• Stan Smith : Now shrink me down and inject me inside me!

• Stan Smith : Tony! My ride-or-die reverse Werewolf! Thanks for fitting this in on a Full Moon!

• Roger the Alien : I see your eyes drifting up to my wigless head!

• Stan Smith : I told you we were drunk enough!

• Stan Smith : Monopoly?

  Klaus : AW HELL, YEAH!

• Stan Smith : Some things aren't a Husband's Business.

• Roger the Alien : What was once a Poker Face is now a Death Mask.

• Stan Smith : My Fish is 58 and a German Man!

• Santa : Where does the Penis go?

  Stan Smith : Where DOES the Penis go!

• Roger the Alien : We haven't even left the House and already my thighs are burning!

• Stan Smith : I won't be missed at work, my Boss is using again!

• Roger the Alien : I just want to walk out of there with Julius intact and a wallet made out of an animal I have no emotional attachment to.

• Roger the Alien : Wouldn't you rather die with Julius than never have met him?

• Stan Smith : You can do it! I, this stupid worm, believe in you!

• Roger the Alien : Huh, guess I screwed off all my Green Fur...

• Stan Smith : I'll get slightly better Ham, now.

• Roger the Alien : Flambancy?

• Roger the Alien : That damn Bear Spatchcocked me! I wish I wasn't here right now! I wish I was in a restaurant!

• Stan Smith : Five layers of Wool and Oilskins enclosed him!

• Roger the Alien : Again with the Silica!

• Stan Smith : There is no way my only boychild is going downtown!

• Roger the Alien : I can't believe people ask me why I do this! Ba-da daaaaaa! Ba-da daaaaaa! Ba-da daaaaa! Ba-da ba-da ba-da! Ba-da da-da da-da da!

• Roger the Alien : I miss my little bro-bro! I was going to teach him stuff!

• Roger the Alien : I want a toy helicopter that breaks the first time I play with it!

• Stan Smith : I forgot to measure the Pickle. My one mistake.

• Roger the Alien : I'm going to sit here and stare out over the lake thinking about how I nearly killed a baby.

• Fraulein : I'm going to throw you in the Cellar with the British Tourist Girls!

  Roger the Alien : Oh God! They're so horny!

• Avery Bullock : Why do you have a fork in here?

  Stan Smith : It's not a pretty story, Sir.

  Avery Bullock : Withdrawn!

• Stan Smith : Do you know when I'm happy? For about five seconds in the morning before I remember who I am.

• Stan Smith : A World without Children? Future Generations will thank us!

• Hideki : And this is the Triangle Room!

  Stan Smith : But you have a Triangular Room! Why don't you put your Triangles in there?

• Roger the Alien : Come on, now, let's go and Paint the Town! And all that Ham!

• Roger the Alien : Apres moi Le Deluge!

• Stan Smith : When I joined the CIA I knew the deal: we made a mistake, we covered it up.