Desperate Housewives (2004–2012)

Eva Longoria: Gabrielle Solis, Gabrielle Lang

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Sister Mary Bernard : Money can't buy happiness.

  Gabrielle : Sure it can! That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep them from rioting.

• Gabrielle : The only person more self-centred than me is Carlos, he's so self-centred he doesn't even know how self-centred I am.

• Carlos : Hey, Gabby, aren't we breast feeding?

  Gabrielle : Oh, honey, if you could swing that one, more power to ya.

• Gabrielle : The way I see it is that good friends support each other after something bad has happened, great friends act as if nothing has happened.

  Bree : Well, then, good luck on your remodel.

• Carlos : We're not very nice people, are we?

  Gabrielle : No. We're not.

  Carlos : Aw, when we got married I thought we were gonna be so happy.

  Gabrielle : Me too.

  [pause] 

  Gabrielle : Look on the bright side - at least we're still rich.

  Carlos : Thank God for that.

• Gabrielle : Before we got married we made a deal, remember? No kids.

  Carlos : Deals are meant to be renegotiated.

  Gabrielle : We're not negotiating my uterus.

• Yao Lin : I don't like lies.

  Gabrielle : Yeah, well I don't like your ironing. So there.

• Bree : Girls, you don't understand. This poor kid is scared out of his mind.

  Gabrielle : Oh, for God's sake, Bree. You're a woman. Manipulate him. That's what we do.

  Bree : But how?

  Gabrielle : I don't know. How did you usually manipulate Rex?

  [Bree thinks about it, and smiles] 

• Gabrielle : Damn it, John! What's our new rule?

  John Rowland : [sadly]  Stop pretending we have a future.

• John Rowland : What other option do you have? Except return the shoes and get your money back.

  Gabrielle : Return the shoes? I can't talk to you when you're hysterical.

• John Rowland : This is great. Got tons of homework tonight. It's always easier to concentrate after sex.

  Gabrielle : Well, I'm glad I could help. Education's very important.

• Bree : Maybe they'll just be happy for you.

  Gabrielle : Bree, my friends are models, they're not happy for anyone.

• Gabrielle : Please calm down!

  John Rowland : This doesn't make any sense. Okay you love me. I know you love me.

  Gabrielle : Love isn't enough. Where would we live? Here? With your roommates? The only decoration in the bathroom is a bong!

  John Rowland : We could get our own place.

  Gabrielle : How? You're barely making minimum wage!

  John Rowland : Okay, sure. We'd be poor at first, but we'd be happy.

  Gabrielle : I've tried poor, but happy. Guess what? Wasn't that happy!

• Gabrielle : I want a sexy little convertible! And I want to buy one, right now!

  Maserati Saleswoman : I'll go start the paperwork.

  Gabrielle : Well, not this one. I... vomited in this one.

• John Rowland : [John and Gabrielle are lying in her bed together after sex]  You know what I don't get?

  Gabrielle : What?

  John Rowland : Why you married Mr. Solis.

  Gabrielle : Well, he promised to give me everything I've ever wanted.

  John Rowland : Well, did he?

  Gabrielle : Yes.

  John Rowland : Then... why aren't you happy?

  Gabrielle : Turns out I wanted all the wrong things.

  John Rowland : So. Do you love him?

  Gabrielle : [sighs]  I do.

  John Rowland : Well, then, why are we here? Why are we doing this?

  Gabrielle : Because I don't wanna wake up some morning with a sudden urge to blow my brains out.

• Gabrielle : I don't even know who to be angry at.

  Father Crowley : Don't be angry, be thankful, children are a gift.

  Gabrielle : I don't have time for this crap.

• David : You're not willing to get a divorce, but you're willing to have an affair?

  Gabrielle : I said I was Catholic, not a fanatic.

• Gabrielle : I'll send you back to China and you'll be on a rice paddy before the epidural wears off.

• Susan : Are you OK?

  Gabrielle : Yeah, I just didn't realise how disgusting meat can be.