- Larry Lovage: Oh, man. This girl has got to do nude scene in a movie someday.
- "Little" Larry: Wait a second. What did you say?
- Larry Lovage: What, about pirates?
- "Little" Larry: No, dumbass. About her gettin' naked on film. Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
- Larry Lovage: My dad and Yokozuna lost to the Natural Disasters at Summerslam, talk about embarrassing!
- College Guy: I'm thinking about changing my major.
- College Girl: What to?
- College Guy: To "Finding a Bucket of Money".
- College Girl: I hear that's a really hard course.
- Larry Lovage: [when the girl misses at playing quarters] Don't get frustrated. Your breasts put you at a natural disadvantage!
- Larry Lovage: [looking at the composite in the sorority house] Yeechh, EGA chicks? Sixteen colors ain't my bag!
- Larry Lovage: You know what would look good on you? Me!
- Artsy Girl: You're pretty good... at being annoying as fuck!
- Larry Laffer: Stay away from the guy with the green mohawk. I think he followed me here from Lost Wages!
- Larry Lovage: [talking about Linus]
- Larry Lovage: This guy has the best job on planet Earth. Naked women and beer - they got it all right here! What a life!
- Larry Lovage: Do you know karate? Cause your body is really kickin'!
- College Girl: Why don't you go irritate some other people?
- [press to examine fountain showing female figure being sprayed in the face from phallic faucets]
- Larry Lovage: It's Bukkakas! A tragic character from Greek mythology, forced by Zeus to accept man's seed - for all eternity!
- [press again]
- Larry Lovage: It's Bukkakas! A tragic character from Greek mythology, forced by Zeus to entertain Japanese businessmen - for all eternity!