Wake Up, Ron Burgundy (2004 Video)

Will Ferrell: Ron Burgundy

Quotes 

• Ron Burgundy : Brick, what are you eating?

  Brick Tamland : Oh, it is one of those delicious falafel hot dogs with cinnamon and bacon on top.

  Ron Burgundy : What do you mean "one of those?" Those don't exist... that's a used coffee filter with cigarette butts on it.

• Ron Burgundy : [warming up before the news]  A tarantula enjoys a fine chewing gum.

• Ron Burgundy : Looks like the captain's back.

• Jess Moondragon : Mother Nature sure got up on the right side of bed today, huh?

  Ron Burgundy : [laughs]  She's a giving lady!

  Jess Moondragon : Yeah.

  Ron Burgundy : Mother Nature, she is.

  Jess Moondragon : She didn't even bother to put on makeup!

  [they laugh] 

  Jess Moondragon : You know, I - I'd deeply like to take her and... make love to her.

  Ron Burgundy : Mm! She's an elusive goddess, Mother Nature.

  Jess Moondragon : Yeah. Still, to... feel her succulent breasts pressed against me, and... my breath whispering hot in her ear. Yeah, baby. While I fumble with my belt... you get my drift, friend?

  Ron Burgundy : Yeah. Yeah, I do. I do. But therein lies the rub, for she turns away all suitors.

  Jess Moondragon : I'd like to take Mother Nature to a sleazy motel, get in the shower, and... wash each other all over, and then go in the bedroom and do things you can only do in Bangkok...

  Ron Burgundy : All right, I'm gonna have to stop you there; you're making me very uncomfortable.

  Jess Moondragon : Sorry, Ron Burgundy, I... Mother Nature does that to me.

• [Ron, Brian, Champ and Brick drive to the observatory] 

  Champ Kind : I love you, Ron.

  [pause] 

  Champ Kind : I said I love you, Ron.

  [pause] 

  Champ Kind : Why is everyone ignoring me? I love you, Ron! And I think we should adopt a child together in Vermont! Answer me!

  Ron Burgundy : Um... so... uh... the... the car's running great.

  Brian Fantana : Hm? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah...

  Ron Burgundy : Take it for a tune-up?

  Brian Fantana : Yeah.

  Ron Burgundy : Uh-huh.

  Brian Fantana : Changed the oil...

  Ron Burgundy : Good!

  Brian Fantana : And, uh...

  Champ Kind : [shouts]  Answer me! Ron! Ron, I know you heard me. I love you... and I want to be with you... like men. I want to be inside you. I want you inside me.

  Brian Fantana : All right, anybody's up for the radio?

  Ron Burgundy : I would love to hear the radio.

  Brick Tamland : Yeah.

  Champ Kind : [shouts]  No radio! I have something to say to Ron! You know I've had feelings for you for a long time! We'd be good together, Ron, I-I-I'm a good cook. Uh... do you like your feet rubbed? I'll bet you do. I'll-I'll rub 'em, and, uh, maybe we could get married in a ceremony presided over by Roger Staubach - I already called him last week, I hope that's okay with you.

  Ron Burgundy : Mexican food on me?

  Brian Fantana : Hey, that sounds good.

  Brick Tamland : Yeah, burrito!

  Ron Burgundy : Okay.

  Champ Kind : Say it! Say "Champ Burgundy," say it!

  Brick Tamland : Tostada!

  Ron Burgundy : Uh, tostadas would be great!

  Champ Kind : [shouts]  I am in love with Ron Burgundy! I'm always thinking about you, Ron! I have dream journals about you - filled pages! When I make love to women, I close my eyes and think of you when I finish! Ron Burgundy is in love with me!

  [sings] 

  Champ Kind : "Ron Burgundy and Champion Kind, oh, let's... be so beautiful together, running in the grass, in the summer and the fall, and winter time too..."

• Ron Burgundy : [while making love to Veronica Corningstone]  Hey, wake the black lady up.

• Ron Burgundy : [singing]  Hush little baby daddy's going to eat you...

• Ron Burgundy : So Champ, did you get lucky last night?

  Champ Kind : Oh no, uh, last night... oh, I stayed home for awhile, drank about six bottles of white wine, pissed my pants, so I drove down to Mexico, and shot some stray dogs. You know, pretty much standard Tuesday night.

• Ron Burgundy : Spiderman's balls that hurt!

• Ron Burgundy : I'll have a Beefeater and tonic. Hold the tonic.

• [Ron, Brian, Champ, and Brick are all laughing heavily over a joke Champ Kind has made] 

  Ron Burgundy : An astute observation lead to laughter!

  Ron Burgundy : We are laughing!

  [Everyone continues to laugh] 

  Ron Burgundy : And it is continuing...

  [They laugh less] 

  Ron Burgundy : And it is slowing down, but there is still a good spirit!

  Ron Burgundy : And it is slowly getting less.

  Brian Fantana : We got it Ron...

  [Champ let's out a giggle] 

  Ron Burgundy : There's a little chuckle.

  Ron Burgundy : And... it's done.

  Brian Fantana : You really wreck moments when you do that Ron.