Let's Go to Prison (2006)
Will Arnett: Nelson Biederman IV
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Quotes
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Nelson Biederman IV : [Long silence] So now what do we do?
John Lyshitski : Hmm?
[pause]
John Lyshitski : What do you mean?
Nelson Biederman IV : What do I mean? I mean, what are we... what are we supposed to *do*?
John Lyshitski : We're doin' it, man. This is it. We're right in the thick of the action. We hang out here, go to lunch, come back, hang out some more, go to dinner... You know how someone might describe a situation that's unpleasant or confining as being, "like a prison"?
Nelson Biederman IV : [pause] Yeah.
John Lyshitski : This is what they were referring to.
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Nelson Biederman IV : Now we're even. I have done you wrong, and you've stabbed me twice with forks.
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Nelson Biederman IV : It's okay to cry. Crying takes the sad out of you.
John Lyshitski : [annoyed] "Crying takes the sad out of you"? Hey, that shit may have flown back when you were a human being, but you're not now. You're a piece of meat and you're in the grinder. The softer you are, the more it's gonna grind you up, and the more them animals are gonna wanna eat you. Alright, you gotta toughen up. Show me your tough face.
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Barry : [flirting] Of all the bathroom stalls, in all the correction facilities in all the world, he walks into mine.
Nelson Biederman IV : [extremely uncomfortable] Haven't you heard the news Barry?
Barry : The news? Oh yeah. Barry finally pitches, Pisces catches, home team wins.
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[Some of the prisoners try to grab Nelson in the shower, but John comes to his rescue]
John Lyshitski : Hey! He is my property, you dick monster! You got that?
[Pushes the one standing closest]
John Lyshitski : This little frilly is all mine! You can look, but not touch! This little asshole only got one name on it! Mine! Romeo! Romeo Lyshitski! No rear entry!
[slaps his hand on Nelson's butt and points at Barry]
John Lyshitski : That goes for you!
[Barry walks off]
John Lyshitski : That big bastard is the head of the Black G Lords.
[Nelson is stiff as a board]
Nelson Biederman IV : I don't mean to sound ungrateful John... but did you have to stick your finger up my ass?
John Lyshitski : Nope, probably not. But it happened.
[Doesn't remove his hand before now]
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Nelson Biederman IV : What's on the menu today, good sir?
Cafeteria Worker : That's meat...that ain't meat.
Nelson Biederman IV : ....ain't meat.
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Lynard : It takes a lot of guts to do what you just did. Nobody's ever stood up to me before, except my old man.
Nelson Biederman IV : I'm sure he's a great man.
Lynard : I killed him. I'm gonna kill you the same way.
Nelson Biederman IV : You didn't kill him with kindness, did you?
Lynard : With a hammer.
Nelson Biederman IV : Just like the Beatles song...
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Nelson Biederman IV : "Dear new pen pal, my name is Nelson Biederman IV, I'm 30 years old, and I've been in prison for three months. In this hell hole, I've had my ass kicked so many times, my ass has foot prints in it. But you know what? I think I'm going to make it. At least I know it can't possibly get any worse. Anyway, thanks for listening. I'll have to sign off now, as someone is pissing on me. Your new friend, Nelson."
