Grindhouse (2007)

Kurt Russell: Stuntman Mike (segment "Death Proof")

Photos 

3 more photos

Quotes 

• Stuntman Mike : Do I frighten you?

  [Arlene nods] 

  Stuntman Mike : Is it my scar?

  Arlene : It's your car.

  Stuntman Mike : Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. It's my mom's car.

• Stuntman Mike : Well Pam, which way you goin' left or right?

  Pam : Right.

  Stuntman Mike : Aww, that's too bad.

  Pam : Why?

  Stuntman Mike : Well, because there was a fifty-fifty shot on whether you'd be going left. You see, we're both going left. You could have just as easily been going left too and if that was the case, it would have been awhile before you started getting scared. But since you're going the other way, I'm afraid you're gonna have to start getting scared... immediately!

• Pam : Take a picture, it lasts longer.

  Stuntman Mike : What?

  Pam : That table. Seems to keep them getting your attention.

  Stuntman Mike : Is that the girl from the billboard outside?

  Pam : Yup.

  Stuntman Mike : She sure is a striking looking woman. Look at that hair.

  Pam : Lots of leave-in conditioner.

  Stuntman Mike : Is that jealousy I detect?

  Pam : Hardly. But if you wanna get with Jungle Julia, there's a real easy way to do that.

  Stuntman Mike : Yeah? And what would that be?

  Pam : Get famous. You won't have to find her, she'll find you. And you don't even wanna know what she did for that billboard. Enjoy it cocksucker, you've earned it.

  Stuntman Mike : What did she ever do to you?

  Pam : We went to school together, from kindergarten to high school, that's what she did to me. She was her height right now at twelve. She was a monster! Half the guy she still fucks from the old class she used to beat up and terrorize in the fifth grade.

  Stuntman Mike : And I see she used to beat you up and take your chocolate milk.

  Pam : That pituitary case might've kicked my ass a couple of times... Sorry, I'm built like a girl and not a black man, but I'd die before I ever gave Julia Lucai my chocolate milk.

• Stuntman Mike : You know how people say, YOU'RE OKAY IN MY BOOK, or AND IN MY BOOK THAT'S NO GOOD. Well, I actually have... a book. And everybody I ever met goes in this book. And now I've met you, and... YOU'RE GOING IN THE BOOK TOO. Unfortunately, now I'm gonna have to file you under chicken... shit.

• Pam : Hey Warren, is there anybody in this place you could vouch for to give me a ride home?

  Stuntman Mike : [tosses keys across table in front of Pam]  Fair lady, your chariot awaits.

  Pam : You've been eavesdropping?

  Stuntman Mike : [chuckles]  Eavesdropping and can't help but hear, I think I belong in the latter category.

  Pam : So, uh, "icy hot", you're offering me a ride home?

  Stuntman Mike : I'm offerin' you a lift, if, when I'm ready to leave, you are too.

  Pam : And when are you thinking about leaving?

  Stuntman Mike : Truthfully, I'm not thinkin' about it. But when I do, you will be the first to know.

  Pam : Will you be able to drive later?

  Stuntman Mike : I know looks can be deceiving, but I'm a teetotaler. I've been drinking club soda and lime all night, and now I'm buildin up to my big drink.

  Pam : Which is what?

  Stuntman Mike : Virgin Pina Colada.

  Pam : [pause]  Okay. Why would someone who doesn't drink spend hours at a bar, drinking water?

  Stuntman Mike : You know, a bar offers all kinds of things other than alcohol.

  Pam : Hmm, really. Like what?

  Stuntman Mike : [pause]  Women. Nacho Grande platters. The fellowship of some fascinating individuals, like Warren here.

  Pam : Fair enough. So what's your name, icy?

  Stuntman Mike : Stuntman Mike.

  Pam : [pause]  "Stuntman Mike's" your name?

  Stuntman Mike : You can ask anybody.

  Pam : Hey Warren, who is this guy?

  Warren : Stuntman Mike.

  Pam : And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?

  Warren : He's a stuntman.

• Stuntman Mike : The woods are lovely dark and deep, and I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep. Did you hear me butterfly? Miles to go before you sleep.

• Pam : So how exactly does one become a stuntman?

  Stuntman Mike : Well, in Hollywood, anyone fool enough to throw themselves down a flight of stairs can usually find someone to pay them for it. But really, I got into the business the way most people get into the stunt business.

  Pam : How's that?

  Stuntman Mike : My brother got me in it.

  Pam : Who's your brother?

  Stuntman Mike : Stuntman Bob.

• Stuntman Mike : How do you think they accomplish that?

  Pam : CGI?

  Stuntman Mike : Well, nowadays unfortunately you're right more often than not. But back in the all or nothing days, the Vanishing Point days, the Dirty Mary Crazy Larry days, the White Line Fever days, they had real cars crashing into real cars and real dumb people driving em.

• Pam : [Stuck in Stuntman Mike's car]  If you just stop right now, you know, and, and let me out, I'll never tell anybody...

  Stuntman Mike : Hey, Pam, remember when I said this car was death proof? Well, that wasn't a lie. This car is a hundred percent death proof. Only to get the benefit of it, honey, you REALLY need to be sitting in my seat.

  [slams his foot onto the brake and sends Pam flying face-first into his dashboard] 

• [last lines] 

  Stuntman Mike : Be careful, my right arm's broken!

  Kim : What, *this*?

  [cracking] 

  Stuntman Mike : Oww!

  Abernathy : Such a fuckin' cry-baby!

  [punches Mike, the other girls take turns] 

  Zoe : Oh, you want some of this?

  Abernathy : Fuck yeah!

  Kim : Come here!

  Abernathy : Ha ha ha!

  [series of punches] 

  Abernathy : Motherfucker!

  Kim : Motherfucker!

  Abernathy : Asshole!

  [Zöe delivers a spinning kick to Mike's face, and the girls throw their hands up in victory] 

• Pam : So what's your name icy?

  Stuntman Mike : Stuntman Mike.

  Pam : Stuntman Mike's your name.

  Stuntman Mike : You ask anybody.

  Pam : Hey Warren, Who is this guy?

  Warren : Stuntman Mike.

  Pam : And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?

  Warren : He's a Stuntman.

• Stuntman Mike : [to Zoë]  Get ready to fly, bitch!

• Stuntman Mike : [as he rams into the Challenger]  Hey, Abernathy, you wanna get hot? You wanna get hot? Suck on this for a while, bitch!

• Stuntman Mike : [after losing the girls]  Yeah, yeah, Yeah! Jesus fucking christ... it's about time!

• Stuntman Mike : So, how about that lapdance?

  Arlene : What's your name again?

  Stuntman Mike : Stuntman Mike.

  Arlene : Well, Stuntman Mike, I'm Butterfly. My friend Jungle Julia over here says that jukebox inside is pretty impressive.

  Stuntman Mike : Yeah, it is.

  Arlene : Yeah? Why don't you go get ready for your lapdance?

  [Stuntman Mike gets up and walks back into the bar] 

  Arlene : Hey, Mike.

  Stuntman Mike : Yeah?

  Arlene : No touch.

  Stuntman Mike : No.

  Arlene : I touch you, you don't touch me.

  Stuntman Mike : I know.

  Arlene : Good.

• Stuntman Mike : Ladies, we're gonna have some fun.

• Stuntman Mike : [to Arlene]  There are few things fetching as a bruised ego on a beautiful angel.

• Pam : Is that cowboy wisdom?

  Stuntman Mike : I'm not a cowboy, Pam. I'm a stuntman.

• [looking at a photo of Jungle Julia] 

  Stuntman Mike : You got a kiss for me, my girlfriend?