It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005– )
Rob McElhenney: Mac, Rob
Photos
Quotes
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Mac : What do we need a mattress for?
Dennis Reynolds : What do you mean what do we need a mattress for? Why in the hell do you think we just spent all that money on a boat? The whole purpose of buying the boat in the first place was to get the ladies nice and tipsy topside so we can take 'em to a nice comfortable place below deck and, you know, they can't refuse, because of the implication.
Mac : Oh, uh... okay. You had me going there for the first part. The second half kinda threw me.
Dennis Reynolds : Well, dude, dude, think about it. She's out in the middle of nowhere with some dude she barely knows. You know, she looks around and what does she see? Nothin' but open ocean. "Ahh, there's nowhere for me to run! What am I gonna do, say no?"
Mac : Okay. That... that seems really dark.
Dennis Reynolds : Nah, no, it's not dark. You're misunderstanding me, bro.
Mac : I'm-I think I am.
Dennis Reynolds : Yeah, you are, because if the girl said no then the answer obviously is no...
Mac : No. Right.
Dennis Reynolds : But the thing is she's not gonna say no; she would never say no because of the implication.
Mac : ...Now, you've said that word "implication" a couple of times. Wha-what implication?
Dennis Reynolds : The implication that things might go wrong for her if she refuses to sleep with me. Now, not that things are gonna go wrong for her, but she's thinkin' that they will.
Mac : But it sounds like she doesn't wanna have sex with you...
Dennis Reynolds : Why aren't you understanding this? She-she doesn't know if she wants to have sex with me! That's not the issue...
Mac : Are you gonna hurt women?
Dennis Reynolds : I'm not gonna hurt these women! Why would I ever hurt these women? I feel like you're not getting this at all!
Mac : I'm not getting it.
Dennis Reynolds : Goddamn.
[notices old woman staring at them]
Dennis Reynolds : Well, don't you look at me like that. You certainly wouldn't be in any danger.
Mac : So they are in danger!
Dennis Reynolds : No one's in any danger!
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Dennis Reynolds : How much cheese have you eaten today?
Charlie Kelly : How much cheese is too much cheese?
Dennis Reynolds : Any amount of cheese before a date is too much cheese!
Charlie Kelly : I had a lot of cheese, I had a block of cheese.
Mac : You had a block of cheese?
Charlie Kelly : I got really, really nervous I just started eating cheese.
Mac : [annoyed and confused] Does that calm you down?
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Dennis Reynolds : Let's talk about your likes and dislikes. Um, how 'bout your favorite food? What would that be?
Charlie Kelly : Oh, milk steak.
Dennis Reynolds : Hm, what?
Charlie Kelly : Milk steak.
Dennis Reynolds : I'm not putting milk steak!
Mac : Just put steak. Just put regular steak.
Dennis Reynolds : I'm gonna put steak.
Charlie Kelly : Don't put steak, put milk steak. She'll know what it is.
Dennis Reynolds : No, she won't know what it is, Charlie. Nobody knows what that is. Okay, all right. What's your favorite hobby?
Charlie Kelly : Uh, magnets.
Dennis Reynolds : Okay, wha- like making magnets, collecting magnets?
Mac : Playing with magnets?
Charlie Kelly : Just magnets.
Dennis Reynolds : I'm gonna put snowboarding. We'll put snowboarding. All right, what are some of your likes?
Charlie Kelly : Uh, ghouls.
Mac : Son of a bitch. What are you talking about now?
Charlie Kelly : You know, funny little green ghouls.
Dennis Reynolds : What, like in movies? In cartoons?
Charlie Kelly : Little green ghouls, buddy!
Mac : Don't write ghouls!
Dennis Reynolds : I'm not, I'm putting travel! Jesus Christ! What are your dislikes?
Charlie Kelly : People's knees.
Dennis Reynolds : Oh, come on! Dude, come on! We'll make the whole thing up, let's get outta here. We're not even gonna use you.
Mac : Bro, you've gotta be kidding. You know what? We'll just make it all up.
Charlie Kelly : Cover your knees up if you're gonna be walking around everywhere...
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Mac : I have an idea.
Frank Reynolds : [turns in fear] Where did you come from?
Mac : Frank, I've been walking next to you this entire time.
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Frank Reynolds : We gotta definitely write a song about how we do not diddle kids! "Do not diddle kids, it's no good diddling kids."
Mac : There is no quicker way for people to think that you are diddling kids than by writing a song about it!
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Mac : [about M. Night Shyamalan] He always puts some like awesome twist at the end of his movies to trick the audience.
Charlie Kelly : Aw yeah, yeah, like in The Sixth Sense you find out that the dude in that hair piece the whole time, that's Bruce Willis the whole movie.
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Mac : I think you should bang Gail the Snail.
Frank Reynolds : My neice?
Mac : Yeah.
Frank Reynolds : Gail the Snail?
Mac : Dude, what's more depraved than that, huh? She's not blood related so it's not that weird.
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Charlie Kelly : But I am who I am.
Mac : Yeah, but let's pretend you aren't who you are and just try to attract a woman.
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[repeated line]
Mac : What's up, bitches?
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Mac : Jesus Christ, Frank. Are you cutting your toenails with a steak knife?
Charlie Kelly : I suppose you have a problem with that, too?
Frank Reynolds : Ah! Oh! Oh! Botched toe! I botched that one. Oh, that's a botch job. That's bleeding. I need some trash to plug up the cut.
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Dennis Reynolds : [picking basketball teams] All righty. Uh... You, you, you, you, and you. Come over here.
[all the black kids go to Dennis]
Dennis Reynolds : All right. Now, the rest of you kids can go with those two losers right there.
Mac : Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell's going on over here?
Dennis Reynolds : I'm picking my team.
Dee Reynolds : No. No, you-you can't- you can't take all...
Dennis Reynolds : I can't pick the...?
Dee Reynolds : You can't pick all...
Dennis Reynolds : What should I not pick?
Mac : You know exactly what you've done, sir.
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Charlie Kelly : Mac, can an asshole rip in half?
Mac : Like tissue paper.
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Fat Mac : You want some insulin?
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Mac : [to Frank] God, you're disgusting. A disgusting animal.
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[repeated lines, said in no specific order]
Mac : Boom.
Dennis Reynolds : Boom.
Dee Reynolds : Boom.
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[repeated lines, said in no specific order]
Mac : Absolutely.
Charlie Kelly : Absolutely.
Dennis Reynolds : Absolutely.
