Knocked Up (2007)
Jonah Hill: Jonah
Photos
Quotes
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Jay : Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
Jonah : What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!
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Jonah : We got pinkeye.
Ben Stone : Were you giving butterfly kisses or something?
Jason : Ha ha ha, very funny That's not how you get pinkeye. You get it from poo particles making their way into your ocular cavities.
Jay : Um, I farted on Jason's pillow as a practical joke. He farted on Jonah's, thinking it was mine, and then eventually pinkeyed my pillow. I'm not proud any of this, but I think we're all forgiven each other. Um, but we can't go anywhere.
Pete : You can get pinkeye from farting in a pillow?
Jonah : Totally!
Pete : That's awesome!
Jonah : Jesus, Martin got it bad. What, did someone take a dump on your eye?
Martin : No. No pinkeye for me. I'm just really... high.
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Jonah : I won't say it but it rhymes with shmashmortion.
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Jason : You stay here.
Martin : Why?
Jason : Cause your face looks like a vagina.
Martin : Dick!
Jonah : How's it going Crockett, been hanging with Tubbs lately?
Martin : Come on man, I'm getting it from all angles here, I really don't like it anymore.
Jonah : I know, me either. Was it weird when you changed your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?
Martin : Yeah, it was really awkward.
Jonah : All right, see you later Scorcese on coke.
Jay : [Makes a roar like Chewbacca from Star Wars]
Martin : What the fuck was that?
Jay : You know, Chewbacca.
Martin : Oh, another beard joke.
Jay : [walks away, embarrassed] Fuck.
Martin : Fucking hilarious!
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Jonah : I can't believe you didn't fucking wear a bag, WHO DOES THAT?
Jason : Why did we go to Costco and buy a year's supply of condoms if you weren't gonna use 'em, man?
Jonah : I can't believe you did this. You fucked everything up.
Jason : The real point is not to get yourself into this position, that's what you have to realize. You gotta know all the tricks like, for example, if a woman's on top she can't get pregnant. It's just gravity.
Jonah : Well that's true. Everyone knows that.
Jason : What goes up must come down.
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Jonah : Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck - it's dangerous.
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Jonah : Hey, Jay, do you use that Canadian leaf tattoo as like a cum target? How many points do you get for hitting the stem? Like a million.
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Jonah : She like-a the way your dick taste.
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Jonah : I'm going to murderball you!