John : Whatever happened to your dog?
Amy : I gave him away.
John : Why?
Amy : He got too big.
John : When I was a boy and when I played with myself, the first time I came I thought I broke my bits.
Amy : [laughing] How old were you?
John : Twenty.
Amy : I have a confession to make.
John : You're a dude?
John : Tell me a secret. Tell me the weirdest thing you've ever done, something that you wouldn't tell anybody.
John : Calm down, Steve. Find your own bitch.
[Mom hugs John but sniffs and wrinkles up her nose]
John : Oh, that's me. I smoke.
Mom : No, I smell feces.
John : Oh, fuck!
John : I have blue balls.
Amy : Is it my sexy nightgown?
John : Tents make me horny.
Amy : You're not hard.
John : I will be. Just shut up and kiss me.
Amy : Why don't you go talk to him?
John : Not now. He's got an axe.
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