- Officer Crabtree: I was pissing by the door when I heard two shats.
- [looks at Hans]
- Officer Crabtree: You hold in your hind a smoking goon. You are clearly the guilty potty.
- Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen: Can you keep a secret?
- Lt. Hubert Gruber: Well, I've done pretty well till now.
- Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen: [Discussing plans with Herr Flick & Von Smallhausen] What sort of disguise?"
- Herr Engelbert von Smallhausen: [Herr Flick & Von Smallhausen open there treanch coats to show maides outfits underneath] Not aprooved. But you can stay and have a drink if you like.
- René Artois: Edith, if this plan fails, there will not be a wall in Nouvion big enough to shoot us all against!