- Sanford: [studying, with Del and Joe] Hey, who was that president with the beard and the top hat?
- Joe: Abraham Lincoln.
- Sanford: No, this guy gave a really important speech about slavery or something.
- Joe: It's Lincoln, you moron. Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg Address.
- Sanford: You're thinking of someone else. The guy I'm talking about was involved in a big war.
- Joe: The Civil War! How stupid can you -
- Del Swanson: Uncle Sam?
- Sanford: That's it! Uncle Sam. Thanks, man.
- Del Swanson: No problem. I'm kind of a history buff.