- Dr. Dick Solomon: I wish I had a machine that could freeze time. Unfortunately, I left it in my other jacket.
- [in the classroom]
- Caryn: Dr. Solomon, are you all right?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: I can't talk about it, it's too personal. Let's just say... I had sex with Dr. Albright.
- Bug Pollone: Dr. Solomon, we don't need to know about this.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Oh, that's where you're wrong Bug. You might learn something.
- [someone from their home planet has replaced Dick but kept the body]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: I'm your new High Commander. From this point forward, you will refer to me as such.
- Harry Solomon: Okay, Such.
- Sally Solomon: You know, I just really resent how we're supposed to jump every time the Big Giant Head sends a message.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: I know, everyone knows he only got the job by kissing the Big Giant Butt.
- [lying in bed with Dr. Albright]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Oh, Dr. Albright! That was the greatest thirty seconds of my life!
- Dr. Mary Albright: I understand. You've had the milk, why buy the cow?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: No, Mary. I want you! I want the cow!
- [Dick feels with his hands that the new High Commander has locked him inside an invisible box]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: My God! He's turned me into a *mime*!