- Sam: [Artie uncovers the cage to see Alf inside] I know what that is. It's an ant-eater.
- Artie: Are you sure?
- Sam: Yeah, and it's against the law to shoot ant-eaters.
- [Alf crushes an ant on one of the cage's bars and eats it]
- Artie: What are you talking about? You can shoot ant-eaters!
- [Alf immediately spits it out]
- Artie: I don't care what he is. I'm gonna take him out and butcher him.
- [Alf gasps]
- Sam: Why do you always get to do all the butchering?
- Artie: Because YOU usually end up mutilating all the good meat! I'll get the chainsaw, you make the salad.
- Willie Tanner: You did start that fire in the kitchen and you were watching tv when kate and i cleaned up the mess.