Absolutely Fabulous (TV Series)

Death (1994)

Jennifer Saunders: Edina

Photos 

Quotes 

• Eddie : You only work in a shop you know, you can drop the attitude.

• Eddie : This is... This is a, sort of... corpse... in an open, oaken, oblong coffin... Silky lining. It's a dead body, Pats.

  Patsy : Yeah, but is it art, Eddie?

  Eddie : No, sweetie, it's my father.

  Patsy : Are you sure?

  Eddie : Yeah, I think so. But I've just never seen him in a suit before.

• Eddie : God, it's a rather depressing thought that you might live on after me, isn't it? You, huh. That's how I'm going to be remembered, is it? What, through you?

  Saffie : Well what do you want, a statue?

  Eddie : YES.

  Saffie : A great big, fat, ugly, armless statue?

  Eddie : [pause]  I've got arms. I've got arms. I just want to bequeath something to the nation, that's all, not just you.

• Eddie : Family? Family? God, I hope you're not inviting that bloody, bollocky, selfish, two-faced, chicken, bastard, pig-dog man have you?

  Saffie : You could just say Dad! I'd still know what you meant.

• [Eddie is in a body wrap] 

  Saffie : Mom, can you come downstairs please?

  Eddie : Sweetie, have you seen what your talking to? Tutankamun.

  Saffie : Mom, it's important. I've got some bad news.

  Eddie : Darling, I can't move for an hour, I'm being shrunk and then I've got to go pick Patsy up from the hospital.

  [Saffie sighs in annoyance] 

  Eddie : Well don't "tu-tuhhh." You think she wanted to get her stomach pumped again? No! She thought they were her antibiotics, darling.

• [first lines] 

  Patsy : Do you want some ecstasy Eddy?

  Eddie : Are you mad, darling? Nobody's taking that any more. People have been dragged from raves bleeding from every orifice.

  Patsy : This isn't a rave. It's a "happening".

  Eddie : Don't force to take it, Pats. I promised Saffy I wouldn't, darling.

  Patsy : She'll never find out. She didn't scare me.

  Saffie : Mum! Keep the noise down.

• Eddie : Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone.

  Saffie : That's lovely.

  Eddie : I hear you call my name and it feels like home.

  Saffie : Who said that?

  Eddie : It's Madonna darling.

• Nurse : I'll see what I can do. But personally, I think you're wasting your money. You want to lose weight?

  Eddie : Mmm...

  Nurse : You want to move that fat bottom of yours and get your mouth sewn up. You want to help the environment?

  Eddie : Mmm...

  Nurse : Use your fat bottom and plug up the ozone layer.

  Eddie : Alright! Are you trained at this?

  Nurse : I am a nurse. Bandaging is what I do best. And I've got the manual.

  Eddie : Good.

  Nurse : Right. Have you recently had or are you due for your period?

  Eddie : Well, yes, both. Is that important?

  Nurse : No. I'm just making conversation.

• Eddie : Is it alright if I move?

  Nurse : Oh, there you go again. Mistaking me for someone who gives a damn! Who cares if you're fat or thin? Who cares if you live or die?

• Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon : Edwina dear, your father is dead.

  Saffie : Well done.

  Eddie : "Well done"? Did she finish him off or something?

  Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon : That was it, wasn't it, dear? I'm not going mad, am I?

  Saffie : Grandad has died! Is that all you can do? All you can say? Don't you think Gran needs a little bit more?

  Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon : Oh, don't drag me into it, dear. She's doing her best, I'm sure. Now don't you get yourself into a state.

  Saffie : Your father is dead! What does that make you feel, mum?

  [Edina is smiling] 

  Saffie : ... And you can stop smirking!

• Nurse : My God, woman! What have you done?

  Eddie : What?

• Eddie : [to Saffie]  I've put on twelve inches all over my body! I mean, my body absorbs mud! Every pore is now an over-eater!

• Eddie : [to Saffie]  I do care, darling. Did he leave a will? What? I'm just asking! You know, asking!

• Art Gallery Assistant : Can I help you?

  Eddie : I want to buy some art.

  Art Gallery Assistant : Have you seen something here?

  Eddie : I don't know. I just... you know. I just want to get some. What else have you got?

  Art Gallery Assistant : We're a specialist gallery. Perhaps if you knew what you were looking for I could help you.

  Eddie : Is there someone else who can help me? I want to, you know, buy some art. I'm a collector. You know, that sort of modern stuff.

• Eddie : No, no grave for me, darling. I'm a Buddhist anyway. I want to be laid down on a rock in the middle of the Ganges darling, and just be pecked by birds. I don't want to end up as some drugged-up zombie in a hospital, alright?

  Saffie : I thought that would appear to you.

  Eddie : I want to die with a bit of dignity, you know. I don't want the last words I hear to be "switch her off'.

• Patsy : What am I supposed to do if you die?

  Eddie : Get cabs!

• Saffie : So Marshall, how's the script coming?

  Eddie : Oh no, do we have to know?

  Marshall : Well it's at a real interesting stage.

  Sondra Lorrance : You're doing just fine.

  Marshall : We had Keanu Reeves pull out, which, which we feel really positive about now because it's taken a different course entirely. And, and a Japanese company has taken up the option to do it in animation form.

  Sondra Lorrance : Pat yourself on the back for that.

  Eddie : A cartoon...?

  Patsy : A cartoon!

  Marshall : Animation!

  Eddie : A cartoon!

• Patsy : Do you think the Yankee bimbo from hell is gone?

  Eddie : God, I hope so, darling!

• Eddie : I mean, what's the point of grieving if there's no one there to see you do it?

  Patsy : You're right, Eddie. You're always right!

• Eddie : I should be there! Shouldn't I? I mean, he would want me to be there.

  Patsy : He'd want you to be there.

  Eddie : He'd want me to be there. He'd want me to be there!

  Patsy : Yeah.

  Eddie : He'd want you to be there, as well.

  Patsy : No, I don't... I don't think he'd want me to be there.

  Eddie : If you want the house darling.

  Patsy : He'd want me to be there!

  Eddie : He'd want you there!

  Eddie , Patsy : Come on, darling.

• Eddie : I don't want to die! I don't wan to die!

  Saffie : Oh, dear!