- Eddie: God, it's a rather depressing thought that you might live on after me, isn't it? You, huh. That's how I'm going to be remembered, is it? What, through you?
- Saffie: Well what do you want, a statue?
- Eddie: YES.
- Saffie: A great big, fat, ugly, armless statue?
- Eddie: [pause] I've got arms. I've got arms. I just want to bequeath something to the nation, that's all, not just you.
- [Eddie is in a body wrap]
- Saffie: Mom, can you come downstairs please?
- Eddie: Sweetie, have you seen what your talking to? Tutankamun.
- Saffie: Mom, it's important. I've got some bad news.
- Eddie: Darling, I can't move for an hour, I'm being shrunk and then I've got to go pick Patsy up from the hospital.
- [Saffie sighs in annoyance]
- Eddie: Well don't "tu-tuhhh." You think she wanted to get her stomach pumped again? No! She thought they were her antibiotics, darling.
- [first lines]
- Patsy: Do you want some ecstasy Eddy?
- Eddie: Are you mad, darling? Nobody's taking that any more. People have been dragged from raves bleeding from every orifice.
- Patsy: This isn't a rave. It's a "happening".
- Eddie: Don't force to take it, Pats. I promised Saffy I wouldn't, darling.
- Patsy: She'll never find out. She didn't scare me.
- Saffie: Mum! Keep the noise down.
- Nurse: I'll see what I can do. But personally, I think you're wasting your money. You want to lose weight?
- Eddie: Mmm...
- Nurse: You want to move that fat bottom of yours and get your mouth sewn up. You want to help the environment?
- Eddie: Mmm...
- Nurse: Use your fat bottom and plug up the ozone layer.
- Eddie: Alright! Are you trained at this?
- Nurse: I am a nurse. Bandaging is what I do best. And I've got the manual.
- Eddie: Good.
- Nurse: Right. Have you recently had or are you due for your period?
- Eddie: Well, yes, both. Is that important?
- Nurse: No. I'm just making conversation.
- Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: Edwina dear, your father is dead.
- Saffie: Well done.
- Eddie: "Well done"? Did she finish him off or something?
- Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: That was it, wasn't it, dear? I'm not going mad, am I?
- Saffie: Grandad has died! Is that all you can do? All you can say? Don't you think Gran needs a little bit more?
- Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: Oh, don't drag me into it, dear. She's doing her best, I'm sure. Now don't you get yourself into a state.
- Saffie: Your father is dead! What does that make you feel, mum?
- [Edina is smiling]
- Saffie: ... And you can stop smirking!
- Eddie: [to Saffie] I've put on twelve inches all over my body! I mean, my body absorbs mud! Every pore is now an over-eater!
- Eddie: [to Saffie] I do care, darling. Did he leave a will? What? I'm just asking! You know, asking!
- Art Gallery Assistant: Can I help you?
- Eddie: I want to buy some art.
- Art Gallery Assistant: Have you seen something here?
- Eddie: I don't know. I just... you know. I just want to get some. What else have you got?
- Art Gallery Assistant: We're a specialist gallery. Perhaps if you knew what you were looking for I could help you.
- Eddie: Is there someone else who can help me? I want to, you know, buy some art. I'm a collector. You know, that sort of modern stuff.
- Eddie: No, no grave for me, darling. I'm a Buddhist anyway. I want to be laid down on a rock in the middle of the Ganges darling, and just be pecked by birds. I don't want to end up as some drugged-up zombie in a hospital, alright?
- Saffie: I thought that would appear to you.
- Eddie: I want to die with a bit of dignity, you know. I don't want the last words I hear to be "switch her off'.
- Patsy: Eddie tells me that Mr. M... you know... dead.
- Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: That's right.
- Patsy: Well, I um... condole you.
- Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: Thank you dear.
- Patsy: He chose the right season to go.
- Saffie: What do you mean?
- Patsy: Well Harvey Nicks have got some really tasty little black numbers at the moment. And black is like "in". You wouldn't have to wear it only the once. It's my job to know these things.
- Saffie: So Marshall, how's the script coming?
- Eddie: Oh no, do we have to know?
- Marshall: Well it's at a real interesting stage.
- Sondra Lorrance: You're doing just fine.
- Marshall: We had Keanu Reeves pull out, which, which we feel really positive about now because it's taken a different course entirely. And, and a Japanese company has taken up the option to do it in animation form.
- Sondra Lorrance: Pat yourself on the back for that.
- Eddie: A cartoon...?
- Patsy: A cartoon!
- Marshall: Animation!
- Eddie: A cartoon!
- Sondra Lorrance: I too have felt great sadness. You are talking to someone who has sat through "Beaches" twelve times.
- Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: Really?
- [last lines]
- Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: Let's hope someone fills them in before they get help.
- Patsy: Eddie!
- Eddie: I should be there! Shouldn't I? I mean, he would want me to be there.
- Patsy: He'd want you to be there.
- Eddie: He'd want me to be there. He'd want me to be there!
- Patsy: Yeah.
- Eddie: He'd want you to be there, as well.
- Patsy: No, I don't... I don't think he'd want me to be there.
- Eddie: If you want the house darling.
- Patsy: He'd want me to be there!
- Eddie: He'd want you there!
- Eddie, Patsy: Come on, darling.