- [first lines]
- Himself - Host: Good evening and thank you for allowing me to come into your living rooms. Well, I'm not easily shocked, but I did expect people to dress a bit more formally before sitting in front of their sets. Now that two-way television is here.
- [sounds of a lion roaring and a woman screaming]
- Himself - Host: Apparently, not everyone was aware of the incessant march of progress. The next improvement should be more to your liking. I understand that scientists will soon make it possible for any object thrown at the television screen to actually hit the performer. All of which reminds me of a story.
- [last lines]
- Himself - Host: Well. That was a bit of a snapper, wasn't it? The murder on tonight's program was, as usual, completely unrehearsed. In fact, we hadn't planned on having a killing at all. Our story was intended to be about a man found guilty of parking in front of a policeman. But the actors seem to have gotten out of hand.
- [looks off-stage in disapproval]
- Himself - Host: There they go again. A wild, unruly lot, those actors. I hope we have some of them left when we return with our next play, because, uh, we'd be somewhat handicapped without actors. Until then, good night.