- Mr. X: I envy you, Mr. Crabtree. I deeply envy you. You have emotions. I am entirely devoid of feeling.
- [first lines]
- Himself - Host: [Hitchcock is sitting in a chair reading a newspaper] Oh, good evening. How did you find me? I specifically asked for an unlisted channel. I'm taking the week off. I wanted a rest from television. If you're one of those critics who thinks that television is frightful, all I can say is you should see it from this side. I've been reading the want ads. A man has a right to look around for a better job. Hmm. "Wanted: host for television program." Sounds like a job for me. "Must be witty, charming, handsome." Why, this is perfect. "Gracious. And must be willing to work every week. Apply: Alfred Hitchcock Presents."
- [Turns to the camera in alarm]
- Himself - Host: I think I better scamper back to the old job. I don't want to miss the show. And don't you miss it, either.
- [last lines]
- Himself - Host: [Hitchcock is standing up with his hands on the chair] A brilliant play. Sneaky, but brilliant. And now, please keep your eyes on this space. For I shall return here next week, to bring you another story. Good night.