- [first lines]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock is sitting in front of a large vanity mirror with lights and has a toupee on his head. He turns to the camera] Good evening. The entertainment industry is always crying for new faces.
- [takes off toupee]
- Alfred Hitchcock: I've decided to give them one. Not that there's anything wrong with the old one. In fact, I think it's rather good.
- [preens in the mirror, which cracks]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [turns wryly to the camera] Well, it could have been worse. What if I had cracked?
- [searching through wigs]
- Alfred Hitchcock: See, here's the one.
- [putting on a wig and glasses]
- Alfred Hitchcock: I've always wanted to be someone else.
- [looks at himself]
- Alfred Hitchcock: That won't do. I look like a near-sighted hearth rug.
- [takes off wig and glasses]
- Alfred Hitchcock: By an odd coincidence, we have a story about a man who decided to be someone other than himself. And by an equally odd coincidence, it is rehearsed and ready to start. Here it is.
- [last lines]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock is standing in front of the vanity mirror and turns. He is wearing a hat and foppish mustache] Poor Seymour. It couldn't have happened to a more deserving person.
- [removes the hat and mustache]
- Alfred Hitchcock: Um, I've decided not to be someone else after all. If I won't be myself, who will? However, allow me to indulge my exhibitionist tendencies with this quick-change demonstration. The Alfred Hitchcock of today.
- [turns away from the camera, busies himself, then turns back unchanged]
- Alfred Hitchcock: The Alfred Hitchcock of thirty years ago. The secret of this transformation is rather simple. I just removed my wallet. And now, I shall remove myself. But soon I shall return with another story. Good night.
- Seymour Johnston: [narrating] I suppose you could say it began that Easter Sunday. I was spending the weekend at my Aunt Muriel's house in Norwich, Connecticut. A place I was forced to spend many weekends. Not that I found my aunt's company particularly congenial, far from it. But the food was fair and even she didn't have the effrontery to charge me for my visits. Not that she wasn't capable of doing even that. As a matter of fact, nothing my aunt did would be too surprising. But that weekend, she went too far. Even for a person as good-natured as myself.
- Police Detective: There's nothing dreadful about it. It's just a little difficult when you want to disguise yourself, and you've managed to convince yourself that something isn't there. So you don't bother to disguise that. Particularly something as conspicuous... as that birthmark of yours.
- Seymour Johnston: The only way I could possibly survive in this so-called civilisation, is not to see anything unpleasant. Just to pretend it doesn't exist.