- [first lines]
- Himself - Host: [Hitchcock is studying his thumb intently] What an extraordinary thumb. It completely obscures the subject I'm painting. I used to paint along the roadside. But I had to quit. Motorists insisted on giving me rides. Hold that pose. Remain perfectly still for the next half hour. Care to see my handiwork? I have several canvases ready.
- [holds up signs with Post No Bills and Kilroy Was Here on them]
- Himself - Host: Or, if you like something more exotic...
- [holds up another sign with Pas de Stationnement]
- Himself - Host: It's French, and of course...
- [holds up another sign with Please Stand By]
- [last lines]
- Himself - Host: And so Mark Halliday finally found the bluebird of happiness. It had been there all the time. In any theatrical presentation, the next-to-closing spot is deemed the most advantageous. That explains the placement of this number in tonight's variety show.
- [commercial break]
- Himself - Host: Bravo, Bravo. That was a real showstopper in every sense of the word. Now I see there is just time enough for me to wish you pleasant dreams. And a happy analysis. Good night.