Alfred Hitchcock Presents (TV Series)

The Crooked Road (1958)

Paul Frees: Off-Screen Announcer

Quotes 

• [afterword - Hitchcock is sitting between the two cops again] 

  Self - Host : Oh, I'm glad you came. I'm very worried. Things didn't go all well. They liked my first answer, but after that, I'm afraid I said some nasty things about commercials. It seemed to infuriate the gentleman asking the questions. I'm still not sure who he is.

  Cop #1 : Quiet!

  Cop #2 : Okay, it's your turn now.

  [Hitchcock is led back into the booth] 

  Self - Host : Did you ever have the feeling you'd been here before?

  [Hitchcock walks back into the booth, which now has bars in the window] 

  Self - Host : It's very close in here. May I open a window?

  Off-Screen Announcer : No!

  Self - Host : What's going on here and why can't I see you?

  Off-Screen Announcer : Here I am. Look!

  Self - Host : The sponsor!

  [a loud wheezing sound is heard] 

  Self - Host : What's that? I smell gas.

  Off-Screen Announcer : Quiet!

  [Hitchcock loses consciousness] 

  Off-Screen Announcer : Ladies and gentlemen, we now offer a special message, after which Mr. Hitchcock will attempt to return.

  [commercial break, after which Hitchcock is seen outside the booth] 

  Self - Host : I'll bet you're surprised to see me. I know I'm surprised to be here. I received a last-minute reprieve. And I learned something interesting about my sponsor. He doesn't like commercials either. But the public demands them, so what's he to do? Next week, he will offer three more which promise to be enormous popular successes. Be the first one in your neighborhood to see them. There'll also be a story. Until then, good night.

• [introduction - Hitchcock is sitting on a stool with cops on either side of him; there's also a booth with a microphone] 

  Self - Host : Oh, good evening. I don't know what this means. They won't tell me why I've been arrested. They keep saying "You're turn'll come." I don't like the sound of it. But, officers, I didn't do a thing!

  Cop #1 : Okay, you. It's your turn now.

  [Hitchcock walks into the booth] 

  Off-Screen Announcer : Mr. Hitchcock, I understand your category is television commercials.

  Self - Host : Oh, then I wasn't arrested.

  Off-Screen Announcer : Don't be absurd. Now for your first question. We shall play the soundtrack from a well-known commercial. After playing the sound, tell us what the person in the commercial has just eaten, drunk, smoked, used or driven in.

  [the sound of pleasant moaning is heard] 

  Self - Host : Is that all? Uh, may I hear it again, please?

  Off-Screen Announcer : Very well.

  [the sound is heard again] 

  Self - Host : I have it. The answer is...

  [Hitchcock is cut off as we fade to black]