- Jack Staley: You know something? I can take a look at a kitchen and give you a pretty fair estimate of that person's income. Would you believe that?
- Margot Brenner: No, not really.
- Jack Staley: You wouldn't, huh? Okay, I'll prove it to you. I'd say your husband makes about... oh... 19 to 20,000 a year. I came pretty close, didn't I? You know that Rhoda Forbes that lives down the block? Well, I did some work for Mrs. Forbes last winter, and I guessed her husband's income right on the nose.
- Jack Staley: I kind of make it my business to know just what appeals to women.
- [pause]
- Jack Staley: I didn't mean that the way it sounded.
- Ann Warren: Margot, how do you balance a bankbook?
- Margot Brenner: Oh, that's simple - you just doctor the books, cheat on the budget and steal from yourself.
- Lewis Brenner: I guess you'll have to call a plumber. Oh, and honey? Make sure you get an estimate before you let him do any work. If he says it's gonna be more than $10 you can just tell him to forget it.
- Margot Brenner: [facetiously] Oh, well, shouldn't I bargain with him? I had such good luck with the butcher.
- Lewis Brenner: [going along with the joke] Yeah, well it's the milkman I've got my eye on.
- Margot Brenner: [tongue-in-cheek] Oh darling, I didn't know you were the jealous type.
- Lewis Brenner: [kidding] Well, I wouldn't be too sure.
- [afterword]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock is still fiddling with the wrench on the main pipe] That is all for tonight. Next week, we shall be back with another story. I fixed this.
- [puts down wrench]
- Alfred Hitchcock: Nothing to it, really.
- [reaches forward to turn a valve and water starts spraying on his back from another joint in the pipe]
- Alfred Hitchcock: Good night.
- [grimaces, then smiles]
- [introduction]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock is tinkering with a wrench on some plumbing set up above an ornate chair; he turns to address the audience] Oh good evening. I guess if you want something done right, you'll have to do it yourself. The plumber keeps fixing the leak, and I don't want it fixed.
- [nods to the water pipes above]
- Alfred Hitchcock: I'm sure many of you have one of these in your homes, but for the benefit of the backward, I shall explain. The subject is strapped in this chair.
- [shows off two straps on the chair]
- Alfred Hitchcock: I then turn this valve and the water drips on his head, one drop each minute. After about a week of this, I suddenly turn the water off. It produces the most astounding effects. It is especially valuable if you have a friend who wishes to lose his inhibitions. Naturally, you may lose your friend too. However, there is one serious danger. Don't ever leave it running when there is no one in the chair because in a few days, the force of the dripping water can actually drill a hole through the wood. Now, while I go back to the shop to get the proper tools, we shall have the rest of this evening's entertainment.