- [introduction]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [digging in a cemetery lot next to a sign that says "CEMETERY LOTS Come In And Browse"] Oh, good evening, friends, Romans and countrymen. I've just unearthed some items which may be of vast archaeological importance.
- [takes out the following items]
- Alfred Hitchcock: Two fig leaves. And a half-eaten apple. Tonight's play is not about fig leaves, but it does have a scene in a garden. It is called "The Rose Garden." And it's concerned with two elderly sisters in a magnolia-scented house in Louisiana.
- Mrs. Cordelia Welles: No member of our family has been north for 100 years.
- Alexander Vinton: It's changed a good deal, I believe.
- Mrs. Cordelia Welles: You were looking for my husband's body, is that right?
- Alexander Vinton: Yes, I'm afraid I was.
- Mrs. Cordelia Welles: Perhaps you would like to dig a little deeper.
- Alexander Vinton: Oh, no. Thank you.
- [afterword]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock is standing with a spade over his shoulder] So much for the literary set. And now we must interrupt our program while we prepare the next play for production. I shall see you then. Good night.
- [first lines]
- Cab Driver Barney: You say you come all the way from New York to see Miss Julia on business? You sure you ain't got them mixed up? You didn't come to see Miss Cordelia?
- Alexander Vinton: No, who is Miss Cordelia?
- Julia Pickering: Sister, I just thought I wouldn't go for once. It's Mr. Vinton's last night.
- Mrs. Cordelia Welles: Nonsense. The choir's down to nothing these last few weeks. Reverend Samuels is counting on you. I'm sure Mr. Vinton doesn't consider himself more important than God.
- Alexander Vinton: Oh, no, not at all.
- [last lines]
- Julia Pickering: You know, I've known all about this for two years. They'll probably send me to prison, too. Maybe I could write it there.
- Alexander Vinton: I'm sure they won't. But if they do, I shall insist they don't give you time off for good behavior.