- [introduction]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock is standing next to the mounted head of a stag] Good evening, television watchers. Tonight's masque is entitled, "The West Warlock Time Capsule": the tale of a timid taxidermist. This gives me the excuse to exhibit this prize of mine
- [nods his head to the stag briefly]
- Alfred Hitchcock: and to discuss taxidermy. I feel I know quite a bit about stuffed animals. After all, it takes one to know one.
- [turns to the stag briefly]
- Alfred Hitchcock: This, I shot myself. You see, deer poaching is one of my hobbies. It took only two shots. The first one hit a bearded old man wearing a ridiculous red suit and riding in a sleigh. I'm having him stuffed, too. It probably sounds silly to you, but I'm sentimental that way. But enough of this. Here in a moment is "The West Warlock Time Capsule."
- [last lines]
- Mayor: Well, George, it certainly ought to put West Warlock in the national limelight when they look inside Napoleon in the year 2057. What do you think?
- George Tiffany: Well, yes, I--I expect it it'll do that, all right.
- [afterword]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock is still next to the stag] Honesty demands that I reveal that all did not go as Mr. Tiffany had planned. The weight of Waldren's pudgy body proved too much for Napoleon and within a few months the time capsule was opened by a caesarian section. Waldren, of course, was quite dead. And Napoleon hasn't been the same since. As for Mr. Tiffany, the jury proved quite lenient. Next time we plan a return trip to your living rooms. I hope you will join us then. Good night.
- [first lines]
- Customer: Well, I know Harry's gonna like it, George. And when some of his friends gets a look at this, I bet you get their business, too. If they ever hunt up this way.