All in the Family (TV Series)
Archie's Aching Back (1971)
Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker
Photos
Quotes
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Archie Bunker : You go back where you came from and send me a Jew.
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Clarence V. Marshall : Now, according to our witnesses...
Solomon Rabinowitz : Witnesses? You said nothing to me about witnesses, Mr. Bunker.
Archie Bunker : Oh, the kids, the kids, y'know.
Solomon Rabinowitz : Oh, yes, the little children in the playground. Hardly admissible.
Clarence V. Marshall : Yes, but I'm referring to a station wagon filled with nuns.
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Archie Bunker : [on the lawyer he hired] So what does their religion got to do with it?
Mike Stivic : That's what we wanna know.
Archie Bunker : Now look here, Mr. Liberal, you brought up their religion, not me. If they're good lawyers, for all I care they could be Chinks.
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Gloria Bunker-Stivic : Oh, not that again, Daddy! Remember, even Jesus was a Jew.
Archie Bunker : Yeah, but only on his mother's side.
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Archie Bunker : It's irrelative.
Mike Stivic : [Correcting him] "Irrelevant."
Archie Bunker : Whatever, it ain't German to the conversation.
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Mike Stivic : [Reading names of law firms out of the Yellow Pages] Rabinowitz, Rabinowitz, Rabinowitz...
Archie Bunker : Rabinowitz... Rabinowitz... What was that third name?
Mike Stivic : Rabinowitz!
Archie Bunker : Rabinowitz, Rabinowitz, Rabinowitz - how do they sound to you?
Mike Stivic : Jewish.
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Archie Bunker : [after remarking on Mr. Rabinowitz's eloquence] Youse people really go in for learning, don't youse?
Solomon Rabinowitz : [Masking his dismay] We often say, Mr. Bunker, that the Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit.
Archie Bunker : The Tree of Learning... Hear that, Edith?
Edith Bunker : I read that in a fortune cookie once!